Implant not Impregnate!

Heyy, 

Sitting in the surgery doctors waiting room to say I was nervous was an understatement. I was anxiously tapping my foot on the floor as I answered questions about my sexual health. Have I ever been paid for sex? Have I ever been forced into sex? Have I ever had abusive sex? Some of the detailed questions were strange, but I suppose they have to ask them as nurses in order to safeguard, both as an arse-covering exercise and to flag up any would-be problems or concerns. And so here I was for my fourth implant exchange. 

Looking on the NHS website, Nexplanon, otherwise known as the contraceptive implant is a small flexible plastic rod that looks a little like a match stick. It is placed under the skin in your upper arm by a doctor or nurse and releases the hormone progestogen into your bloodstream to prevent pregnancy. Lasting for 3 years, it is more than 99% effective and can be useful for women who can't use contraception that contains oestrogen.

The science-y part states that the implant steadily releases the hormone progestogen into your bloodstream, which prevents the release of an egg each month AKA your period.  It also thickens the cervical mucus, which makes it more difficult for sperm to move through the cervix, and thins the lining of the womb so a fertilised egg is less likely to implant itself and cause that dreaded pregnancy! 

The NHS website also states that you can have the implant put in at any time during your menstrual cycle, as long as you're not pregnant. If the implant is fitted during the first 5 days of your menstrual cycle, you will be immediately protected against becoming pregnant, however, if it's fitted on any other day of your menstrual cycle, you'll need to use additional contraception (such as condoms) for 7 days, although if you ask the sexual health nurse or doctor they will usually provide you with as many as you need in a nice little discreet packet, almost like a goody bag or sticker like from the Dentist. 

Some of the reasons to choose the implant over other forms of contraception are that once the implant is in place, you don't have to think about it again for 3 years and is very useful for women who find it difficult to remember to take a pill at the same time every day like me. Obviously, the implant can be taken out if you have side effects which could include periods may become irregular, lighter, heavier or longer but once removed your natural fertility will return very quickly. As soon as that implant has been removed, you'll no longer be protected against pregnancy. You can also use this method until you reach the menopause when a woman's monthly periods stop naturally.

Another common side effect is what I have most of the time which is called amenorrhoea when your periods stop altogether. It's not harmful, but you may want to consider this before deciding to have an implant if unlike me you prefer Aunt Urma staying more regularly. I think this, along with the fact I am incredibly forgetful and blase about the small stuff in life, means this is perfect and I only really need to think about it when I am having it exchanged and replaced. 

I mean obviously, it goes without saying that some medicines can make the implant less effective and that it won't work or protect against sexually transmitted infections (STIs), so you may need to use condoms as well if you are not familiar with your bed-fellow. I think I found it especially useful when I was dating (although this feels like many, many moons ago now) as I was not only using condoms but also relying on my implant too as a sort of double barrier, just in case the condom split or came off. 

To have it removed as I have this evening is simple as well and mostly pain-free. Starting with a local anaesthetic to numb the area on the inside of your upper arm, the implant is then inserted under your skin (mine was after the doctor made a tiny cut in my skin and gently pulled the implant out). It only takes a few minutes to put in and feels like having an injection so you won’t be in need of any stitches afterwards. 

As I type to you all tonight I have been through this very quick and simple procedure several times over and, like me, when it's first put in you may feel some bruising, tenderness or swelling around the implant. My arm is killing me right now, mainly because the nurse took it out and nearly forgot to put me a new one back in, by which point the general anaesthetic had nearly worn off so inserting that little stick felt like pumping molten chilli sauce into my arm. But I am now protected, at least in part from Mr Warehouse's super sperm. His whole family seem to be able to procreate at a somewhat incredible level I don't think I have ever encountered before. 

Don't get me wrong, as the day approached and even this afternoon as I thought more and more about it I know that this will be the last time I will have it going in as I will not be finishing the full term until September 2022. If Mr Warehouse had it his way we would have had children back when we met, aged twenty-two and me at twenty-three. I, however, prefer the more planned and thought out route, choosing to get life to a more stable place, with a house and well-formed relationship to steady the unpredictability of a child. And to think that the next time I lay down on that bed, fist punching the air will be when I have made the decision to breed and make more little me's!

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx

Two's Company, Six is a Gatecrash!

Hey there one and all, 

So last week I explained away my review of a little known film called 'Fifty Shades of Grey'. This week however I turned Fifty Shades of Pink when I had a Déjà vu momento in which I was whisked back to an occasion I thought could never be written let alone happen twice, That Christmas Eve in 2012 - Merry ExMas! 

Awaiting my uncle outside a familiar Italian Ristorante in Bedford I pondered as to his whereabouts. It was never like him to be late, and for that fact it was never like me to be early for something. My phone bleeped with message telling me to go inside and get a nice big glass of wine ordered, instead of standing outside freezing whilst my Uncle was stuck in rush-hour traffic. 

Seating myself at the table it crossed my mind that this restaurant held fond memories of eating dinner across from a bearded and the childlike innocence of Mr. Cheese. Ahh yes. Long gone are the days of blue eyes and goofy smiles. I waded happily in my thoughts until my dinner date arrived. We sat, ordered bread and olives and yet more wine. Happy in my Uncle's company I was glad to have seen him before I went to Las Vegas. Albeit a small holiday it was still going to be the longest I have travelled, but I felt it and will be the start of an even bigger adventure into the world, as yet unexplored by Moi. 

As our Thursday night ensued we ordered our dinner and passed the time with conversations of work and family. Until that is I saw the flashes of a bright, post-box red jacket. "Oooh that's a nice winter coat I thought" I thought to myself. But just as I wondered where the owner had bought it from my ears caught the distinct sound of a voice I knew. "Surely not! It cant be! Its a Thursday evening for crying out loud?!" I thought, beginning to internally flap. But yes, it was. And as the women turned to be shown to her table I already knew who it was. Momma Cheese! As the seconds dragged I thought, hoped even, that she would be here with friends or someone else. "Not him, please, anyone but him!" No sooner had I thought those things I was suddenly thrust into a world long forgotten. Momma Cheese embraced me, soon followed by a warming hug from Baby Cheese, Mr. Cheese's youngest Brother. Mr. Cheese himself however could only muster up a short and stout "Hi". After the introductions you could tell we all felt awkward especially given the fact my Uncle had never met any of these people. Nevertheless, my ex-boyfriend and his family, now including Pappa Cheese were sat on the table next to us, so close in fact that if I put my arm out I probably would have had it round Mr. Cheese's shoulders. 

As dinner continued I listened intently to their conversation, desperate to be in two places listening fully at once. But as with anything like this - As if I am some sort of expert, of which incidentally I probably am now this has happened a second time - It was always going to be weird. Whether we met in the cereal aisle at Waitrose doing our weekly shop or in a hot and sweaty club with sticky, vodka and Redbull laced floors it was always going to be odd to say the least. Difference in as I found myself dipping in and out of their family dinner and subsequent conversations that came with it I realised that whilst I miss the intellectual conversation surrounding politics, current affairs and other matters of topical interest I certainly do not miss the way I felt when I was with (and without) my lover, Mr. Cheese.

I struggled with my Uncle to tell of anecdotes I had endured with Mr. Cheese for he was mere centimetres from me and would probably be able to retell every accountable detail in such tale not to mention fully vouch for the moments themselves. Looking back through our year together I see it through rose-tinted spectacles; The long hot summers days, lunches out, parties and social occasions not to mention the wonderful weekends in the Capital spent parading shops and eateries in West London and exploring the Chiswick High Road together in blissful harmony together. Fond memories of naughty emails and snuggles watching animal documentaries before bed. Mmm, Sunny days were they. But once the sun was gone there were clouds and storms in the skies that whilst simple to forecast were not so easily saved with an umbrella or raincoat. 

As the Cheeses' family meal ended, my Uncle and I sipped on strong Italian Coffee. Watching them dress in coats and winter attire I stood to be greeted and was again embraced by all members of the family. All bar one. Mr. Cheese himself had sprung from the table as soon as the bill was paid and dashed straight for the exit. Anyone would have thought I had the Plague or something. Not so much as a goodbye or see you soon. Nothing. As I said farewell to his family a little part of me was saddened I could not go home with them or that Mr. Cheese would not be joining me back in my flat tonight. It was then that I realised I was much better off without Mr. Cheese. Sure he was somewhat well off and his family affluent to the highest degrees I have ever come into contact with but it was not for me. The incessant need to have a cup of tea every four hours. The compulsion of vegetables and fruit at every meal. The absoluteness of getting a good nights sleep every night. And the lack of partying like a proper posh person slowly would have ground me down. I enjoyed his company most of the time yes and in terms of friends I think we would have been great, but as more than that I doubt it. I knew from the start that Mr. Cheese wasn't 'The One' and so I didn't pin too much on him, well at least I thought I hadn't. 

I had a relationship with this man, a sexual relationship (albeit not a very good one but regardless a sex life of sorts) and yet still he could not face up to me and be gracious. Gentlemanly and courteous he was not. Ignorant and ill-mannered he was. For someone brought up well from a pleasing family background and a good moral standing I would have thought more from him. I could have understood it if I had been the one doing the dumping; But it was I whom was the Dumpee in all of this. If anyone was going to have a diva moment and walk out it should have been me. But as I conversed with my agony aunties - Miss Tweedle-Dumb and Miss Tweedle-Dee later on after live tweeting and messaging them throughout said gatecrash; Maybe he just wasn't over me!? Maybe the sight of seeing you, so unexpectedly and so well turned out after the split made him regret his choices and wonder what life could have been like. And to an extent I probably agree, I mean come on! Maybe I am the Mount Kilimanjaro of women. Easy to climb onto, but hard to get over!

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx

Like Waiting For A Bus ...

Evening everybody, 

Hope all is well in the land of wherever you be reading, fine fellows. Here in Blightly as some of you may have noticed is fucking freezing. Quite literally - It was snowing here in the 'Shire. Which is why I now in my toasty little flat with a blanket draped over my legs. Yes. I am naked as I write and as brutally honest I could be much more honest with you all on some of my most recent feelings, but I shall not dwell on them before I have to. All in good time. Instead I thought I may share some warmth with you and try my hand at some erotic fiction. Now I must warn you that this is maybe not for the faint hearted and nor should you be reading whilst your Boss is in the same room, besides shouldn't you be managing an Excel Spreadsheet or drafting up a letter. For this is something special, a personal experience, and one that I will never forget - All I can say is ... FINALLY!
Enjoy!

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx

---

It was a cold and blustery evening in late December when the young, blonde and her current partner, were lying on a pull out sofa-bed, watching junk TV and scoffing even junkier food. After hours of relaxing and laughing in each others company the mood suddenly changed. With the mind racing (and somehow playing Barry White at the same time), she experienced her lovers hot kisses, leaving light wet stains down her pale neck as he trailed down her warm body. In vain, she tried to keep her breathing slow and steady whilst allowing  her spirit to be taken over. Hearts starting to skip, beating harder and faster making the young women breathe heavier as he went even lower. As he cups her supple breasts in each hand she whispers for him to take her nipples to his lips and begin to nibble and suck lightly making her moan softly, throw her head back in pleasure, long, blonde hair tumbling over the both of them, cascading down her voluptuous body. 

"I can feel myself getting wetter with every kiss you place on my smooth skin" she says as he tugs on her chest once more, swiftly making her convulse with pleasure. Slowly his hands start to run across her warm stomach and down to the hips where he holds them tightly, pressing his palms into her pelvis to stopping her body writhing from the pleasure. 

"Its too much. I need you. Now." she pants in his ear. "Take me" she says in deep, hushed tones. Breathing heavy and kissing passionately he grasps her neck and face in his manly hands, tugging playfully on her long locks and she knows to return the favour running her deft fingers through his hair. Holding the nape of her neck as he kisses her - Long, passionate, meaningful kisses. This is making the tension between them harder to resist. 
Slowly she trails her hands to his crotch, playing with the waistband, teasing making him feel the pressure as much she is. Inch by inch she gradually makes it into his tight underwear. Feeling him throbbing in her soft hands she moves him up and down, pacing them both until their breathing gets to the same speed. Feeling him succumb to her charms was exhilarating and knowing this just by looking into his eyes and hearing him groan, she moves faster until he cant take it no more. Releasing himself she ran her fingers along his silky shaft whilst he kissed and bit at her décolletage. 

Grabbing at her waist, he shifted her so she was finally underneath him, revealing the silken bedsheets swaddling the make-shift bed. Looking into each others eyes lust takes hold and suddenly they are pulling at each others clothes violently trying to get them off as quickly as possible, sensually making-out as they undressed. As she ruffles her fingers through his hair, he moves south and in the knowledge of how moist she was, he tugs off her underwear. Finally he bury's his head between her strong, toned thighs and with a strong hold on her pelvis begins to taste her, as hot as the tension between them. She could feel herself getting higher. He could feel it too as they entwine their fingers, steadily climbing to the peak. Again it gets too much for her to handle and just before she climaxes he stops and join's her in the Northern-hemisphere. 

As he clutches something long and pink, bought by someone old, he smiles knowing just what an impact this joyous stick will provide. Smiling he slowly caresses her lower body with the vibrations, holding it close to her making it even more intense and highly-strung than before. She was so sensitive. So moist. So ready. He can tell just how amazing this feels for her and getting more and more excited himself he continues to stimulate her Nether-Region. Harder he presses. Faster he moves. Deeper he thrusts into her and higher she climbs. Oh god. More! More! Please! She begged him to pull her in closer and hold her as she climaxed. Getting hotter she felt the waves she had read about and heard tales of so many times as her and her friends sat around at dinner discussing it. Rolling waves of heat and chill soon enough lead her to the peak. Eye rolling, back arched, body uncontrollably shaking and quivering with excitement she came, her world crashing around her in a spectacular first ever orgasm. He wasn't about to give up though and getting off himself in this torturous pleasure-game as mere seconds later it was in another blazing glory that she climaxed again, coming a second and a third time.  

In the moments that followed he wanted her for himself and as they spend moments staring into each others eyes, all she wants is to feel him inside her, getting deeper and harder. She does not have long to wait as he teases his way into her, prizing her legs apart and squeezing her waist as he enters slowly. Gasping as she feels him stretching her and letting out a little moan he starts to get harder, tensing his manhood as he thrusts into her once more making her cry out in pleasure. She knew by his contorted face that he was not far behind and as she tightened herself around him. She could feel him. All of him. As she whispered breathlessly sweet nothings into his ear and softly bit the earlobes of her partner, he held down her hips, his grip getting harder he let out the longest, deepest, animalistic groan she had ever heard. She felt the shudders from his core as he groaned once more, finishing deep and hard. 

Exhausted he collapses, snuggling his head into her breasts. There they lye for a while as she plays with his face until he pulls her into his chest where they fall asleep in each others arms, both of them blissfully unaware of the world outside and just how different it is, now she has experienced her first orgasm that is!

Minibreak Mayhem And An Australian Invasion

Bloggers Note: I have recently decided to start a thing going whereby if you yourself have a 'Trial or Tribulation' that I can help with then feel free to drop me a free and fully confidential message by popping it on a mini form in the right-hand sidebar or email me at: Abbbey4@gmail.com. Also If you have any ideas on how to make me sound or look more interesting then just do the same! :) xx

Afternoon everyone,

As I sit on this train, hurtling through the West Country as a Bristolian driver whines instructions about train etiquette I realise that this weekend whilst far from over has been a whirlwind of emotions. With my Boyfriend sat beside me I think about what the future holds for us given the weekend we have had. Its a complicated one you see as whilst our mini break away to Bristol has been a mostly pleasurable experience I know that there are not many moments like this until Mr. Cheese's departure to Ghana in a matter of weeks. And this thought seems to make everything inside my head all the more difficult.

This weekend never started out as that though. In fact very far from my thoughts and worries of Africa entirely. After meeting The Cheese and his fit flatmate in a their local for a few drinks, we headed back to the flat and proceeded with how the last few weeks have been; Blissfully in love and impassioned with one another. Barely being able to contain both our excitement or lust for each other I helped the boyfriend pack his bag ready for the morning. Hopping into bed I knew I couldn't sleep without some bedtime antics and for once Mr. Cheese was unable to sleep either. And so the commencement of duvet delights coupled with a gloriously long make out session was mine, ending with the softness of the chest wig against my cheeks as I slowly drifted off to Dreamland. Friday morning was an early start for Mr. Cheese and so I thought I would be kind and get up with him to help motivation kick start. As it turns out he was in a rush so I opted to stay back at the flat a bit before I had to leave for the hairdresser's in Kensington, London. I enjoyed my morning with Cheese's flatmate as we get along well and have alot in common with film and music tastes.  Although after hastily getting the snip in the salon I whizzed over to Paddington to meet Mr. Cheese from work and board our train. Grabbing some lunch on the way we greeted one another with a cheeky smile and headed for the platform, eventually finding our seats and settling down for the journey.

Bristol soon arrived and stepping onto the hot concrete of Temple Meads station we both mentioned the summer holiday feeling our bones had craved for. Despite me not having a summer holiday this year I was treating my mini break with the Boyfriend as such. I had been plotting away for some weeks with Momma Cheese to join their family holiday and surprise Mr. Cheese on his birthday whilst out in Greece,  however that all fell through last Tuesday when I found out it would cost me well over a grand just for one week. Unfortunately I just don't have the money and so my Greek Island fantasies shall stay as such. Nevertheless it didn't completely stop me revelling in the lush fluffy bedsheets of the deluxe room we were staying in.  As soon as we clicked open our room door all I saw was opportunity after opportunity for sexual frolicking. From the desk to the chair to the bath then the shower and the wardrobe (yes the wardrobe) and even the luggage holder complete with leather straps. However I feel that maybe my agenda was slightly squeued to that of my other half's as we swiftly dropped our luggage and headed out to explore the city.

After trawling many a great mountain around the city sights we ended up at a Chinese restaurant for dinner. Now those that know me will know that I have never been one for foreign food from far off lands such as Asia, however I felt that maybe I should experiment and not wanting to disappoint Lover Boy I agreed to the Chinese cuisine.  Looking at the menu, stunned at the prices I could feel that duck was tickling my taste buds. Crispy duck I thought. And so when the native waitress came to take our orders she was befuzzled by our choice to two portions of the half-crispy-duck. Feeling the pressure to choose something else as she looked at me with a judging gaze I reluctantly changed my mind to a spicy slow cooked variety of the same bird. Not feeling wholly comfortable with my choice of dinner we conversed until its arrival. Disappointment spread across my face like wildfire although I tried to hide this from my Dinner Date. Whilst I watched with envy at his crispy fried duck I chomped slowly on the fatty cuts of meat that accompanied my noodles and veg. Not wanting to seem ungrateful I nodded and agreed with both our waitress and Mr. Cheese on how wonderful it all was as I gnawed at the hunks of fatty meat. I knew then that my once adventurous nature of this evening had been too adventurous. Trotting back to the hotel room I anticipated something lustful before painting the town red in Bristol's lively student district. Again  disappointment followed as Mr. Cheese was too tired to venture past the sheets and thus we fell asleep quickly after, blessed only with the promise that Saturday night we would be hitting both the bottle and the dance floor.

Fourteen hours later after a mammoth sleeping sesh, we woke at midday and despite my advances to lure the beast from the cage as it were they were yet again dismissed. I was starting to feel more like a friend than a girlfriend but put on a smile and donned a summery outfit, my thoughts turning to the evening and how stunning I would look after getting ready that I would be begging Mr. Cheese to put me down. Smiling to myself we excited the hotel and walked into the thick heavy heat of Saturday afternoon, plodding round the markets and shops, listening in to other people's conversations and generally being caught up with each other in a romantically heady mix of summeriness. Gorgeous as the day was we returned to the hotel before heading to the spa and then changing for dinner. Yet again my attempts at seduction were shunned after getting out of the pool and as a result provoked questions as to why this was so. I don't know, maybe its more of a man thing but I was under the impression that with a big expensive hotel, endless options of lovemaking surfaces and a hot and horny girlfriend that venturing outside room 237 wouldn't have been first on the to do list. And so with the same old reasons as before we headed to dinner at a posh eatery on the other side of the city, with the promise of a drunken night out ahead I was sure that the somewhat dry spell would be over this evening. And it was. I just didn't realise that the dry spell would be broken from my face not my pants.

Once we paid for dinner in which even splitting the bill hurts my purse now three days on, we went back to the room to change and get ready for the bright lights of student digs and cheap drinks. Thus was not to be the case yet again. As I sashayed out of the bathroom into the coolness of the room, face beautified and hair perfectly placed I slipped on my killer dress and presented myself to my boyfriend. For one of the first times during this trip I saw his face light up. Instantly reaching out for me I steadied myself,  begging him to chase me for once and not lazily wait for me to get on top. Standing at the edge of the bed I could see that whilst my ensemble was only half finished, I was still not alluring to my boyfriend. Feeling absolutely deflated I had enough. That was the last straw. Checking the time, it was gone eleven and with Mr. Cheese not even remotely ready yet I knew we wouldn't be going out - Again! His promise had been broken. Angry at being let down and feeling both unloved, unappreciated and totally unsexy I furiously ripped off my dress, wiped off my make up and climbed into the soft recluse of the quilt all with little or no reaction from Cheese.

Slowly sinking into the sheets my thoughts turned dark and dangerous. What was wrong with me? What did I do wrong? Am I really that fat and unattractive that he doesn't even find me mildly sexually stimulating? Was there something I said or did that was out of place? Why doesn't he want to have sex with me? All the questions I thought I had banished weeks ago suddenly flooded me once more, but this time with a vicious fury of emotions. As I lay there, Mr. Cheese clearly preparing himself for bed, I could feel myself fizzing with anger. How dare he plan me a night out on the town and then fail to deliver, only to then make a promise to the break, along with a little piece of my heart. Raging tears pricked my eyes and I struggled to fight them off. He knew how much I loved a good night out and with the lack sexual desire for me I felt like shit.

Then just as I thought things couldn't get worse, from the corner of my eye I saw the flicker of the TV. Green filled the screen as I adjusted my position only to realise that it was football. The tears I was holding back could wait no more and proceeded to stream down my nose and soak my pillow. Trying to stifle the sobs as the game continued I thought about how I would end it. How can things have been so perfect and then end like this. Bristol was meant to be a fun weekend away with my wonderful boyfriend and now I am crying into my pillow as he enthusiastically watches the world cup friendly against Honduras. 'This is the end' I thought to myself. 'Yes, my boyfriend who I openly love would rather watch football than keep his promises to spend time with his girlfriend'. Thinking of the end only made things worse and I tried in vain to stop the floods as I thought of his family that I cared for so much. The surprise I was planning with Momma Cheese. Mr. Cheese's and their banter. Pappa Cheese and his unfunny jokes. Granny, Grandpa and Grandma Cheese whom all were elated that we were back together after our break. All would be lost. I couldn't bear that heartache a second time around, not after Mr. Workaholic. I felt like just packing my bags and heading home. I wanted home. I didn't want to be here any more. As the whistle blew I mustered the courage to turn and face the man who had ruined everything.

'So at which point during this evening did you plan to break your promise? Was it before or after you made the decision that a bunch of men running round after a sodding football was more important than me, your girlfriend?!' I started, angrily biting back at his complacent baby face. I was tamping. Nothing was holding me back. I told him everything - Well most things. All of it out. I felt asking if there was anything wrong with him as I knew in my heart it wasn't me to really blame. Mr. Cheese tried to scapegoat the situation but I nipped that straight in the bud and told him where to get off. After what seemed like an age going round in the same pond I always found myself in with him I grew tired of arguing and simply ended it by stating that all I want is to be loved and wanted. I just want him to feel attracted to me, stimulated by me, enthralled and enraptured by me. Is that too much to ask for from someone who claims to love me?! The rest of the weekend continued as it should without any mention of it again. It had crossed my mind several times of finding a solution to the areas of my relationship that needed improving but alas that is not an option I feel is viable.

On the plus side however we did have makeup sex after our row and although mind blowing as it normally is, the aftermath was not as such. Exhausted from crying, arguing and sex I resumed my position with my head rested on the tipee moobs, cushioned by chest wig and with one leg out of the covers laying over The Boyfriends lower half. Just as small talk subsides I hear an almighty crash down the hall from our room. Thinking nothing more of it other than probably one of the stags back from what should be our heavy night of drinking I dismissed it. That was until the swift click of the cardkey in the hotel room door and being thrust open. Startled and not expecting any visitor's boyfriend and I looked up to be greeted by a tall, well built stranger in our room. Standing in the doorway, bemused as we were, only lit by the corridor he looked like a god. Adjusting my eyes I soon realised that not only was this man very drunk and very attractive but I was also very naked. After a few good minutes of intrigue and puzzled faces the opening line came from the owner of chest wig himself.

'Can I help you?' Mr. Cheese asked, typically British and politely as if he had just asked for directions. The illuminated man answered back with our room number. An Australian accent filled the room and I could feel myself dampening again. With both men seemingly unable to help the situation further I waded in abruptly, firing my previous anger at the hot Aussie rather than at the man I was hugging the chest of. 'Wrong room!' I barked. After the few seconds it took him to acknowledge my notion, and clearly swaying in a drunken haze the butch Australian left shutting the door on his way out saying no more. In hindsight I suppose I should have jumped at the opportunity of a random drunk man with a Australian accent tumbling into my hotel room at 2am. When looking back on the situation I am as equally disappointed that he didn't introduce himself with a friendly Australian 'Gooday'. When answering the question of 'How can we help' with the correct room number I should have asked him to join us in bed, there was plenty of room and I definitely wouldn't have complained about being piggy in the middle. But alas he left and the boyfriend and I giggled at the stranger the entered our room that evening and how different the situation could have been only a matter of minutes earlier. Maybe then he would have joined in.

The rest of the weekend continued nicely with sunshine most days and lazy mornings in bed. Despite the lack of sex I'm still happy although I would be lying if I said that my thoughts were not still marred over the remainder of the mini break. I will however attempt to not think too much but as ever my thoughts are beginning to plague my mind but I now know that the only person that can cure them is the one person that breeds them...

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx

Confessions of a Lustful Job Hunter!

Bloggers Note: I have recently decided to start a thing going whereby if you yourself have a 'Trial or Tribulation' that I can help with then feel free to drop me a free and fully confidential message by popping it on a mini form in the right-hand sidebar or email me at: Abbbey4@gmail.com :) xx

Morning All, 

And so my first week of unemployment has melted away before I even have a chance to understand fully what I am actually going to do with myself. Grateful for the understanding nature of friends and some family this week I have been well supported with my job search. Although I thought that after loosing my job would be the worst thing in the history of the universe I have actually been surprised with the amount of feedback and the successfulness in finding work if you want it. 

Following a telephone interview with a well-know camera manufacturer I bagged a 'real' interview at their Bedford HQ on Wednesday morning. Running slightly behind schedule I made it in time to meet the ladies who walked me through my interview and also the women whom I chatted on the phone to as well. The role itself was pretty simplistic and I wasn't wholly thrilled by the fact that it would only be until the end of this year covering maternity leave, but with a two-thousand-pound bonus at the end of the contract and the possibility of being taken on permanently, I didn't really have ground to complain. Thus don't start asking me for a discount on lenses and filming equipment just yet as I unfortunately didn't make the cut for the second stage interviews and so the ideal of working within a company that made the selfie that much easier was dashed. 

Wednesday also held for me much more good news as after I had finished my hour-long interview with my first potential employer I attended another interview at a Fire Safety establishment in a industrial park just outside the town centre. Arriving to the premises after getting slightly lost I was ready to shine. And that I did. After another hour-long interview which felt more like a lengthy and fun chat about credit control I was let loose back onto the streets of Bedford to hunt down that all elusive job with a healthy salary and good atmosphere to match. Luckily for me the gentleman that interviewed me on Wednesday at the Fire Safety place wants me back along with another lady to go head to head in the second stage interviews this Thursday. Wish me luck!

I wasn't finished at just two interviews Wednesday as I had to attend a meeting at the local hell hole - The Job Centre. walking into the meeting I was ushered over to what looks like a pimped up 18th century school class room with chairs that had easels attached for writing down important stuff. As this wasn't the first time I signed on I wasn't expecting what happened, which was essentially a group lecture on job searching and about claiming off the state. Brilliant! As if every one of us in the room needed another punch in the stomach to wind us of all self-worth and motivation. Thanks coalition government!

Still not having eaten I headed to the train station and boarded a train to St. Albans, a city in which I hold much favour. It was one of the first places I had come as a young adult on a shopping trip with Miss Tweedle-Dumb and subsequently visited with Mr. Workaholic but obviously not for anything other than seeing work colleagues and finding out which one of them had recently been struck off work for dealing in cocaine. Nevertheless, exhausted as I was I multi-tasked by walking swiftly to the agency office in the town centre whilst conducting another telephone interview with another agency based back home in Luton. I know right, how skilled I am!

Thursday was much the same as Tuesday whereby I used the time I would usually be at work slaving over spreadsheets and paperwork scouring the web for the next best positions in my area. Following my Job Centre lecture I learnt that there was truth in what I had always told people and that the majority of jobs are now posted online. In fact the figures we were given as in-between-jobbers was that over seventy percent of jobs are now never even posted on the net, employers preferring to source potential candidates themselves or in my instance just add the workload to the employees already busting their ball-sacks working as hard as they can. Companies would favour 'Twitter' rather than going through and agency or website and paying fees for such services that they could easily get for nothing via social media. 

The week was rounded off with another interview with a flooring company in which they loved me so much they invited me back today for a tour of the office space and warehouse as well as to meet the team. A lovely bunch and I must have done something right being the first person that they saw at 10:30am on a Friday morning and wanting me back in their offices Monday afternoon. The vibe I get is that they are eager for me to join as am I although I wonder if maybe I can hold out on giving them a definitive answer by the end of the week as I would like to see where the rest of my interviews this week get to. I have five lined up for the days ahead. That, coupled with the eight I had last week means that in every sense on the phrase I am getting their. I would say slowly but surely but everything had sped along so fast this week I haven't even had a chance to think about being out of work. 

It wasn't all hard work though as Wednesday evening was spent with my favourite girls; Miss Tweedle-Dee, Miss Tweedle-Dumb and Miss Stuu. Yet again our conversation turned round to the topic of sex, boys and relationships. Most topics of conversation were covered I feel, making us more aware that yes, every female in the land has experienced the compression of air in the Southern Hemisphere whilst being in the presence of a naked man. Yes, the aptly named 'Fanny Fart'. Gross as it may sound these are things that ladies speak of. In fact the conversation didn't stop their as talk soon turned to the ''apparently'' best bit about pleasure. The Orgasm. Now I myself am able to come and whatever is happening down their feels amazing when done right but I don't think I have ever experienced 'The Big O'! I mean what is it? Where does it come from? And most importantly how the hell can I get one?! You see I am not one for self-pleasure or masturbation as such and despite my abundance of toys I am still unable to get myself off. Its not that I don't know what I like because I do, god knows I tell the men that have come in and out (Don't laugh) of my my life what I like and don't like but I am just not able to do it myself. Maybe its the fact that I know what is coming (Naughty) or whether I prefer someone else's touch even if it isn't quite hitting the right spot. 

I am a difficult one I feel; easy to please when you know how to but somewhat unrelenting in my appetite lately. I feel sorry for Mr. Cheese sometimes for having to put up with my thirst for bedroom exercise. Sex is something that for me makes all my problems go away. Not to say that I am an addict or anything but that is my go to when I feel lonely or stressed or sad or loving or angry, anything. I'll give you an example. Last weekend I saw Mr. Cheese himself and after a lovely meal we settled in front of the box for a bit before bed. Getting up from the couch I whispered in my boyfriend's ear seductively to come meet me in the bedroom in five minutes. After leaving a salivating other-half on the sofa to stew I flung my clothes on the floor and dressed myself in nothing more than a football shirt and suspender stockings. Laying myself bare on the bed I lit some candles and set the mood for a night of lustful intentions. Entering the boudoir I hoped for the passion to be ignited. Unfortunately after what felt like an eternity of teasingly fantastic foreplay and being thoroughly ready for some action I was informed that despite my effort, enthusiasm, suspenders, stockings, football shirt and lack of a bra the Boyfriend just wasn't interested. Shocked and stunned by what I was hearing the lights went on, teeth were brushed and I was forced to accept that I wouldn't be getting laid. Feeling deflated, unattractive, anti-sexy and questioning everything about us I fell asleep. The excuse that Mr. Cheese was tired were justifiable but nevertheless nearly every man on the planet has that as a fantasy and by his own admission had said it was one of his quoting that I should do it when his flat mates were out so as not to make too much noise. 

But on the other end of the spectrum I seriously worry about my being and whether I am normal. Is it normal for a women to have such a high sex drive? I don't know? It has always been a happy medium of sex-initiation's prior to Mr. Cheese but I feel now sometimes that he only obliges to my panders because he wants to appease me rather than him also wanting to partake. I am usually quite a relaxed person generally but lately I have been feeling more tense and stressed almost on a daily basis. The last time I felt like this I was with Mr. Workaholic and it was just a simple case of getting naked for him and that was it I would be pounded within an inch of my life only to then fall asleep blissfully unaware of the train-wreck it would eventually end in. Sadly with a Boyfriend in London it seems my stresses shall have to wait. It is at time like these where I feel my back tighten and my body ache a little that I know I need a really good seeing too, someone to come and ruin me. Don't get me wrong I love when its slow and rhythmic with an intense build up knowing that I will hit peak soon although sadly it ends with the man finishing too early. But Hey I can't blame him it does blow your mind when it is at the same pace, slow and steady. I think maybe I need to experiment more with myself. 

So off I hop to dust off my rabbits and get my rocks off - Just in time for Easter!

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx