Pacing Prague And Other Tales!

Ahoj!

Racing around like a blue-arse-fly I was now stuck in a serious traffic jam on the A421. Stand still. Not. Moving. Anywhere. Frustratingly I spent over double the amount of time it would normally take me to get to Miss Tweedle-Dee's house for our Pre-Holiday sleepover. After a spot of telly and a night time snack of coffee and Jaffa Cakes we headed to bed for an early night. Waking the next morning the staples of toast and more coffee ensued and afterward it was time to head to the airport. Thanks to Pappa Tweedle-Dee we arrived in good time and after changing up more money (to think I was worried about not having enough) we headed shopping and for a bite to eat. 

Boarding the plane Miss Tweedle-Dee and I were excited and just over ninety-minutes later, with a rather uneventful flight in general that had passed really quickly we had arrived. Touching down we collected our bags and headed through nothing to declare and awaited our driver. And waited. And waited. Went outside into the cold early evening air for a quick Vape Sesh and then back in. Still no driver and it was now I started to panic. Was this a scam? Have I made a grave mistake in booking a hotel and not looking at the reviews? I had been talking to the receptionist for the last few days as Miss Tweedle-Dee and I had many questions but maybe it was all a set up and now I am in a foreign land where I know virtually no Czech and am struggling to call their offices! Help! Just then, as if by magic a pink-shirted gentleman approached us as if from no where and asked us if it was us he was looking for. We must have looked lost! He took my bag (Miss Tweedle-Dee carried her own) and we headed to the car. Driving through the streets of Prague we swapped small talk and asked advice on where is best to eat and visit in the city, but more-so where not to go. 

Finally arriving at the apartment and figuring out our own way on how we get in after being abruptly told by a moody jobs-worth of a receptionist, we settled into what I can only describe as a very white, clean and well equipped studio apartment. Small for the two of us it certainly ticked all the boxes and provided us with everything we could have wanted or needed in our time here including a super comfy memory-foam double bed, small dining table and chairs, wardrobe, safe and small kitchenette consisting of the microwave, kettle, under-the-counter fridge and sink. There is / was a hob however we did not use it. In the hallway was a coat-rack and areas to put boots and other outdoor wears and opposite was a toilet and separate bathroom complete with a very small shower, washing machine and sink. Cosy to say the least, but in all fairness it was a place we would spend the next few nights in bed, scrolling through social media and sleeping before heading out again. That being said the stairs are and have been an issue. Three flights that curve round and are usually shrouded in darkness have certainly been the bain of our lives. 

For our first night in Prague, Miss Tweedle-Dee and I hadn't made any real plans in terms of dinner and neither of us had actually reviewed or researched any where near our apartment for some dinner and therefore we wandered rather aimlessly towards what looked like the Christmas Market set-up. Around there we found what looked like a rather neglected from the outside restaurant, but to be fair it looked warm and I was getting cold so I persuaded Miss Tweedle -Dee to come inside with me. And oh boy was it the best choice we made, I think probably all holiday. Since we had both eaten lunch pretty late neither Miss Tweedle-Dee or I were that hungry so opted just for a single main course from the French Restaurant menu. I ordered a roasted Guinea Fowl and the Bestie ordered a Pork Belly with Potato Puree. This was all washed down with a couple of beers. Such a stunning meal and honest to god I would definitely recommend it so if you are heading to Prague you need to go to La Gare just round the corner from the main Palladium shopping center (which is deceivingly huge by the way, like some sort of shopping tardis!)

Waking up in the city the next morning I was glad for being here and on holiday once again. Heading out into the fresh chilly air we looked round the Christmas Market Areas round the areas surrounding our hotel and found ourselves moving over to the Old Town Square area. We watched the Astronomical Clock and pottered around some of the churches and architectural landscapes surrounding the infamous area. Wandering then took us over the Charles Bridge, and sauntering across the river Vltava and finding ourselves in a small cafe, Miss Tweedle-Dee and I ordered a traditional goulash and some Camembert, accompanied with some tasty raspberry infused beer! Delish! The following days were spent very similarly, touring round Prague, taking photos, filming filler for my holiday Vlog and visiting the many Christmas Markets around the city. 

A visit to several of the most popular tourist hot-spots were also frequented by Miss Tweedle-Dee and I including the Prague Castle which is the largest Castle in the world sprawling out over eighteen acres. Me and the Bestie also visited the Sex Machine Museum which I will be honest was a slight let down, although the Creepy Bear (picture uploaded to my Facebook page if you really need an example) and other apparatus were certainly interesting but possibly not worth the nearly ten-quid entry fee?! Another maybe more worth while waste of money being a tourist in Prague was with our visit to the Chocolate Museum / factory just off The Old Town Square. Other than this simply wandering round the shops and Christmas Markets and stalls have occupied both Miss Tweedle-Dee and I throughout our stay here. 

Eating out in Prague has certainly been an experience which in my opinion was miles and miles ahead of my experiences in Tenerife with Mr. Warehouse in the Summer. Our first night I have already touched on and whilst I was given loads of advise from tonnes of people I knew who had visited Prague before as well as some helpful vloggers and bloggers who live in Prague and the Czech Republic, Miss Tweedle-Dee and I hit up some really, really good restaurants. Firstly there is the cafe round the corner from our accommodation called Cafe Apetit. Whilst I am almost certain that all that occupied at the time we visited on Sunday Morning / Afternoon were all local, Miss Tweedle-Dee and I struggled through our broken Czech to order a delicious open sandwich, coffee and a large slice of cake which all came to under two-hundred Czech Koruna, equal roughly to under a fiver in British money, something which we were both stunned by given if the same was bought in London it would have easily been double if not triple the price and so much lacking in quality. 

Another place you need to hit up when in Prague are Brasilerio where you can have as much meat as you can handle and an unlimited salad and other specials bar. Very similar to the steak all-you-can-eat buffet Miss Tweedle-Dee and I had with the rest of her family and Miss Tweedle-Dumb in Las Vegas you use your coaster to show green in order to tell the meat-staff and servers when you are ready for the BBQ goodness or switch it over to red when you just want to tap-out for a little bit. Regardless of the hefty price tag (well only hefty in comparison to the other eateries we visited which came in well under the four-hundred Czech Koruna I was expecting to spend each night) I still think that for the price it was certainly worth it and would certainly encourage you to visit if here. 

My only let downs about Prague as a whole I feel (apart from going home tomorrow) is that the majority of the city, its sights, tastes, smells and feels could easily be done in half the time we have spent here. I would suggest if you are planning your trip that two or three days would be sufficient and if the Christmas Market is in town, maybe four but I probably wouldn't plan another city break for as long as Miss Tweedle-Dee and I have come for. Whilst it has been relaxing we have done a lot of the same thing. Long lazy mornings lying in bed till noon an staying up late scrolling through news feeds have kept us occupied though and I honestly cant think of many other people I would want to spend my time exploring a European Christmas Market with that my bestie, Miss Tweedle-Dee. 

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx

A Crime-Scene in My Pants

Evening one and all, 

So after a long and stressful week I was certainly looking forward to the weekend and a much deserved bottle or two. Settling into the drivers seat outside TESCO as I prepared for the journey home, snacking on some ham since I had been hungry since missing my lunch that day. Suddenly walking past the front of my little Viv I noticed my Dad, and, clocking one another I was certainly glad for what ensued. Several hours later we had touched on many a subject including marriage, travelling and home buying, something until only recently I had sought some professional advice about. I think that everything last week had seemed like a challenge and that I wasn't going anywhere and that getting to where I wanted to be, especially on the property ladder, seemed out and out so un-achievable unless I came into a great deal of money or spent the next decade saving. Seeing Dad was lovely and the heart to heart conversations was what I severely missed in my relationship with him. Pop's probably doesn't even realise it but our meeting was really cathartic and meant a great deal to me, even if it was unplanned. 

Seeing Family over the weekend also cheered me up no end, especially my cousins. Aged eleven and twelve, both boys are starting to learn about the world and how it works, and during the course of Saturday I was taught the difference between all the difference levels of Cannabis on the spectrum of hallucinogenics and how these days, schools tend not to bother with the whole banana and condom trick. Oh no! Kids nower days are given full blown Dildo's (And yes my cousin did shout the word dildo several times in the middle of Costa Coffee) and made to put a condom on. The world has come a long way since 2001 I thought. 

Back in the day the lad's and ladies were separated in order to learn about their bodies, but we were never shown or taught what the other had to endure. Ergo, we had the era of the period jokes and a crude fascination with the opposite sex. I would have loved to be a fly on a wall in that room, hearing all about inappropriate boners and what semen contains. I suppose as a boy is may have been equally interesting listening into tits and fannies for half hour every Thursday afternoon. 

In this time frame all the girls were handed a booklet about our body and how it changes in preparation for periods and the eventuality of childbirth. This was my actual nightmare beginning. I hated,  and still do, talking about periods openly. It is something private and whilst every women aged fifteen to fifty does it I still feel a twinge of cringe when I open up about bleeding 'downstairs'. I don't laugh and period puns and can hardly stand it buying tampons or pads, forcing them through the self-scan at TESCO like some strange lady with a weird body function to hide. Its embarrassing - Both being so ashamed of it and actually having to put up with altering your life for however many days in the month. I am lucky in a way that I never suffered at the hands of cramping or major mood swings like some of my friends in the playground, however I think every girl will admit to remembering those dark days when you didn't know how to manage it. Spills, accidents and leaks were something I loathed but in a way I was grateful because it meant that someday I could have my own children and in  way I have now come to accept that it is something natural and normal. 

I will still try to hide away when someone reminds me of that scene in a Rom-Com somewhere, I think its called 'No Strings Attached' (which is ironically funny when I tell you where this is going). Ashton Kutcher (love of my life) makes a period mix-tape and brings round cupcakes for all his Bae's friends, including one friend who describes her period as "A Crime-Scene in My Pants". On this mix-tape including old favourites such as Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis, Red Red Wine by UB40 and The Tide Is High by Atomic Kitten (or Blondie, if your so inclined). As cringe as that was it does go on and the full track listing can be found online. Cute, cringe and bile-inducing all at the same time is hard, but somehow Ashton nails it ... And me if he is in Bedford any time soon!

Back in the classroom the time soon comes when both the classes were combined, adding to the social awkwardness, both for students and teachers alike. Settling an unruly class is one thing, but trying in-vain to teach them about the birds and the bees was another, and so most teachers at my small town Middle School chose to simple put in a VHS they had recorded from a teachers Satellite channel in the late, late hours (Yes I did just say VHS). 

But I must confess that in the whole history of me being in school, both middle and high, the majority if not all of the things I learnt and picked up weren't from phallic shaped fruits or dodgy home-recorded videos, It was from friends (Miss Tweedle-Dee deserves a shut out here as my main provider of such material and knowledge), late night babe channels and sadly porn. I think that teaching kids younger about what is right and wrong in relationships is and can only be a good thing. Starting them off young, telling them about the Pant Rule and showing them about how good relationships work is crucial in bringing down the number of Rapes, teen and unwanted pregnancies as well as STI's and non-abusive relationships. It can only get better and as on the continent shows that good things come from starting them off early with preventative education and serious chats about well-being. 

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx

Like Waiting For A Bus ...

Evening everybody, 

Hope all is well in the land of wherever you be reading, fine fellows. Here in Blightly as some of you may have noticed is fucking freezing. Quite literally - It was snowing here in the 'Shire. Which is why I now in my toasty little flat with a blanket draped over my legs. Yes. I am naked as I write and as brutally honest I could be much more honest with you all on some of my most recent feelings, but I shall not dwell on them before I have to. All in good time. Instead I thought I may share some warmth with you and try my hand at some erotic fiction. Now I must warn you that this is maybe not for the faint hearted and nor should you be reading whilst your Boss is in the same room, besides shouldn't you be managing an Excel Spreadsheet or drafting up a letter. For this is something special, a personal experience, and one that I will never forget - All I can say is ... FINALLY!
Enjoy!

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx

---

It was a cold and blustery evening in late December when the young, blonde and her current partner, were lying on a pull out sofa-bed, watching junk TV and scoffing even junkier food. After hours of relaxing and laughing in each others company the mood suddenly changed. With the mind racing (and somehow playing Barry White at the same time), she experienced her lovers hot kisses, leaving light wet stains down her pale neck as he trailed down her warm body. In vain, she tried to keep her breathing slow and steady whilst allowing  her spirit to be taken over. Hearts starting to skip, beating harder and faster making the young women breathe heavier as he went even lower. As he cups her supple breasts in each hand she whispers for him to take her nipples to his lips and begin to nibble and suck lightly making her moan softly, throw her head back in pleasure, long, blonde hair tumbling over the both of them, cascading down her voluptuous body. 

"I can feel myself getting wetter with every kiss you place on my smooth skin" she says as he tugs on her chest once more, swiftly making her convulse with pleasure. Slowly his hands start to run across her warm stomach and down to the hips where he holds them tightly, pressing his palms into her pelvis to stopping her body writhing from the pleasure. 

"Its too much. I need you. Now." she pants in his ear. "Take me" she says in deep, hushed tones. Breathing heavy and kissing passionately he grasps her neck and face in his manly hands, tugging playfully on her long locks and she knows to return the favour running her deft fingers through his hair. Holding the nape of her neck as he kisses her - Long, passionate, meaningful kisses. This is making the tension between them harder to resist. 
Slowly she trails her hands to his crotch, playing with the waistband, teasing making him feel the pressure as much she is. Inch by inch she gradually makes it into his tight underwear. Feeling him throbbing in her soft hands she moves him up and down, pacing them both until their breathing gets to the same speed. Feeling him succumb to her charms was exhilarating and knowing this just by looking into his eyes and hearing him groan, she moves faster until he cant take it no more. Releasing himself she ran her fingers along his silky shaft whilst he kissed and bit at her décolletage. 

Grabbing at her waist, he shifted her so she was finally underneath him, revealing the silken bedsheets swaddling the make-shift bed. Looking into each others eyes lust takes hold and suddenly they are pulling at each others clothes violently trying to get them off as quickly as possible, sensually making-out as they undressed. As she ruffles her fingers through his hair, he moves south and in the knowledge of how moist she was, he tugs off her underwear. Finally he bury's his head between her strong, toned thighs and with a strong hold on her pelvis begins to taste her, as hot as the tension between them. She could feel herself getting higher. He could feel it too as they entwine their fingers, steadily climbing to the peak. Again it gets too much for her to handle and just before she climaxes he stops and join's her in the Northern-hemisphere. 

As he clutches something long and pink, bought by someone old, he smiles knowing just what an impact this joyous stick will provide. Smiling he slowly caresses her lower body with the vibrations, holding it close to her making it even more intense and highly-strung than before. She was so sensitive. So moist. So ready. He can tell just how amazing this feels for her and getting more and more excited himself he continues to stimulate her Nether-Region. Harder he presses. Faster he moves. Deeper he thrusts into her and higher she climbs. Oh god. More! More! Please! She begged him to pull her in closer and hold her as she climaxed. Getting hotter she felt the waves she had read about and heard tales of so many times as her and her friends sat around at dinner discussing it. Rolling waves of heat and chill soon enough lead her to the peak. Eye rolling, back arched, body uncontrollably shaking and quivering with excitement she came, her world crashing around her in a spectacular first ever orgasm. He wasn't about to give up though and getting off himself in this torturous pleasure-game as mere seconds later it was in another blazing glory that she climaxed again, coming a second and a third time.  

In the moments that followed he wanted her for himself and as they spend moments staring into each others eyes, all she wants is to feel him inside her, getting deeper and harder. She does not have long to wait as he teases his way into her, prizing her legs apart and squeezing her waist as he enters slowly. Gasping as she feels him stretching her and letting out a little moan he starts to get harder, tensing his manhood as he thrusts into her once more making her cry out in pleasure. She knew by his contorted face that he was not far behind and as she tightened herself around him. She could feel him. All of him. As she whispered breathlessly sweet nothings into his ear and softly bit the earlobes of her partner, he held down her hips, his grip getting harder he let out the longest, deepest, animalistic groan she had ever heard. She felt the shudders from his core as he groaned once more, finishing deep and hard. 

Exhausted he collapses, snuggling his head into her breasts. There they lye for a while as she plays with his face until he pulls her into his chest where they fall asleep in each others arms, both of them blissfully unaware of the world outside and just how different it is, now she has experienced her first orgasm that is!