If you want to achieve greatness then stop asking for permission

Hello all, 

I write to you today from a hotel room just outside London in Welwyn Garden City. I have just finished my first day as an Operations Manager back in the Security industry. There is certainly a lot of work, but I am ready and raring to go. Giddy with excitement I jetted off this morning just after the morning rush hour, whizzing down the M1 and banging out the tunes. Arriving at HQ, based on a sleepy industrial estate in Hertford, and walking through the office, I smiled at all the new faces and desperately tried to remember their names. Nervous, I was certainly glad I had taken the opportunity for this role and was anxious to get my teeth into the job. 

Logging into my PC after an hour or so chatting with the office manager and MD's Daughter, I felt as though I knew what this place was about and had a good idea n what they needed and were looking for from me. It helps already that I know the systems that they use from my previous roles within the security industry and almost certainly I have been used to using them to a much higher level than they currently use. I think even just from today's observations and previous discussions I will be able to teach and provide some invaluable knowledge into the system and how to use it to its full potential. 

I am calling the first five months of this year my "secondment" from the security industry and although I had left, most of what I had retained in terms of information came flooding back quickly which was also impressive not only to my peers and new colleagues but also to me. As well as becoming familiar with the office bod's, my aim was also to dig a little deeper and really root out the issues and problems so I can make a bit of an action plan going forward of how I would fix things. 

Having had no experience as a manager (only managing engineers' diaries and on the odd occasion booking the car in for an MOT, some holiday, or maybe the odd doctor's appointment) I was worried that the large price tag attached to the job would be something unmanageable and the expectations unachievable. But if today has proven anything is that people were willing to listen and almost be guided a bit by me. Most if not every other job I have had, I walked in and was told where to sit and who to report to and where the water cooler was. Now I am the one that is walking in and I think everyone is almost expecting me to say "my gosh, isn't the way you're doing things here inefficient" and start implementing changes. 

Personally speaking, I don't feel as though this is a good management tip and certainly not the way you get people onside and willing to be open to ideas and changes. I think that this week alone will be challenging, hence me staying away in a chain hotel room with limited facilities and virtually no catering so as to dedicate myself to the role, ensuring that the implementation and onboarding process is as much success as possible. I have lots of different ideas and things I would like to change or implement but I need to take it easy and learn how things are being done at the moment rather than going in all guns blazing. I don't think I need a management qualification to tell me that won't help and will only get peoples back up. 

'Til next time, Love A.Lou x

Remember, if you would like to purchase anything then please feel free to check out my store at: https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/Wooftys or visit our Instagram @WooftysDogTreats and use "TATOATS21" to get 10% off your first order over £15.00.

The future depends on what you do today: Part 2

Heyy, 

As a continuation from last week, I explained that positivity and hopefulness were continuing in way of a new job. After smashing not one but two interviews at an environmental solutions company (installing and maintaining heating, air-con, solar panels, and other eco-equipment for schools, care homes, and other public type buildings) I was offered the job. However, due to the difficulty of deciding which person was right for the job in managing a schedule for over 40 engineers, a curveball was thrown my way because I and another candidate interviewed so strongly they wanted both of us to come on board and work as a team. Giddy with excitement I accepted. 

As previously, out of courtesy I called round the interviews I had left, one of which being the security company I had on the following morning - A Saturday. Wishing me luck in my new role I thought nothing more of it and carried on with my day, however, within 5-minutes I had a call back. They had increased their salary by £9,000. NINE-GRAND! Nine-Thousand pounds. I thought about it for like a hot second and whilst I had obviously accepted an incredible offer to work for an amazing company (so it seemed at least) and doing a job I loved and knew well. I mean it wouldn't hurt to go to the interview and see what it was all about - Would it?

And so I went. I woke up at the crack of dawn, even earlier than I would on a normal weekday at work, dressed to impress, and drove the hour's drive to an industrial estate on the outskirts of Hertford. Walking into the building I was nervous, intimidated by the huge price tag this job had but intrigued to know more and what they wanted for that cashola. I met with the MD and we entered his office on the first floor to where I spent most of the morning listening to what this company director had to offer me. 

Honest and truthful, the MD admitted he had not interviewed anyone else, nor did he want to as I had come following some blinding references from my previous employer (much appreciated considering they failed to give me my bonus and took nearly three months to pay me my final allowances). But why me? Well the benefits for them were simple - I knew the systems that they used from my previous roles within the industry and probably to a much higher level than they currently use, therefore being able to in a way teach and provide some invaluable knowledge into the system and how to use it to its full potential. I had just come away from the security industry and albeit taken a "secondment" into another sector, the industry knowledge I had gained over my nearly five years was also impressive. To say I was interested was an understatement. Wanting to know more I dug a little deeper. I wanted to know what they wanted and if I could provide it. The money was a lot, the most I had ever earned in my life. It would be like doubling my and Mr. Warehouses' household income overnight. 

I have no experience as a manager, only managing engineers' diaries and on the odd occasion booking the car in for an MOT, some holiday, or maybe the odd doctor's appointment. I have never been involved with the hiring or firing of anyone. The closest I ever came was putting out a job advert and sifting through crappy CVs looking for the good ones. But how hard could it be? Take a couple of courses, add in some firm ways of doing things and add a sprinkle of empathy or compassion and surely that is good management in its bare basic of formats? 

Agreeing to meet the MD and his daughter (seemingly office manager who is trying to keep a lid on everything) a few days later on the following Tuesday to look around the Milton Keynes base they wanted me to run out from, we called it a day. I was anxious about accepting, but I wouldn't be there if I wasn't fascinated by the opportunity.

The lock-up was cold and in desperate need of some love and care, but it would do for starting up. Walking around and struggling not to shiver due to the chill from the building being empty for so long I thought to myself that I could work with this and in the past had worked with less or worse. After chatting with the MD's Daughter at length about the struggles of the system and how the lack of procedures and proccesses only add to the problems within the company I felt at ease knowing I had a huge amount to offer the company. But now I a massive deliberation on my hands. 

Did I take the safe route with a job I know (and had already accepted) or do I take a huge risk and jump headfirst into a role where I am managing not just diaries but people too, with no training and very limited experience. As Operations Manager at the security company, I would be expected to lead the Service Team and provide much-needed support in organizing new works, repair callouts, and planned maintenance, working with a team of engineers and support staff. It was a big decision and one I battled over the coming days. 

If I took on and continued with my already accepted job offer as a scheduler at the environmental solutions company then looking at my CV it would seem as though I have either been lazy or just simply passed up opportunities to grown and climb that career ladder. Equally, I worried about if the Operations Manager at the security company was just too much of a gamble as it was a lot of responsibility and right before getting married and hopefully starting a family soon was it just a case of the right thing, wrong time? Loved ones I spoke to only seemed to give opposing views and most of my ex-colleagues who were still in the industry said that I should go for it, not wavering or hesitating in the slightest my ability. But I did. For so long I have thought I wasn't capable and worried that I wasn't good enough. I mean sure the money was great, all the holidays we could have, the nice car I could upgrade to, and that four-bed detached house in the next village over was a little closer and achievable than before. But was it worth the risk? Could I do it?

Picking up the phone I dialed the number on my job offer paperwork. I was nervous. Was I making the right decision? Someone answered. I explained the situation and they accepted my apologies however I could hear the frustration and disappointment in their voices. They thanked me for letting them know and wished me luck in my endeavors. The decision was made - Say hello to the new Operations Manager in Security. 

'Til next time, Love A.Lou x

Remember, if you would like to purchase anything then please feel free to check out my store at: https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/Wooftys or visit our Instagram @WooftysDogTreats and use "TATOATS21" to get 10% off your first order over £15.00.

The future depends on what you do today: Part 1

Heyy, 

So ... Last week, I explained that the positivity and hopefulness were continuing in the life of Moi all mixed together with a little uncertainty and confusion thrown in for good measure. Intrigued? Well, I can now reveal that the very interesting decision I had to make in the days following was about a new job.

Since I first started at my "new" job in early January this year, I knew it wasn't really the job for me. The role was very quiet and slow from what I was used to at my last company with it feeling as though I had jumped from the burning firey flames of the frying pan right into the chill of a freezer. As a result of not really using my skills to my full potential and not really understanding or knowing the industry (which I have later found out is pretty much essential for the role) I was extremely on edge and anxious about everything. 

I tried to contain the feelings and gain more industry knowledge and grow as an employee but it just wasn't the job I thought it was. As I have said to a few people over the last few weeks, I very much felt I was sold Tomato Soup but when I opened the can, it was Cream of Chicken. I felt as though the rug was well and truly been ripped out from beneath my feet and I was left questioning myself; second-guessing every move I had made. Was this the right decision to move jobs? Was now a great time to start somewhere new? Can I do this? Am I able to learn a job fully remotely and continue working from home for what could potentially be the next quarter? Will I be furloughed? Will I be laid off? 

With all of that spinning round in my head and combining it with the lengthy lockdown and the constant grinding thoughts about the wedding & starting a family it was no wonder I struggled. A few weeks ago I had an honest conversation with management and made it clear how I felt about the onboarding and training processes and it was at this point I went back to the drawing board. Essentially I was now in my worst-case scenario - Moved jobs and I hate it/it's not worked out. 

After contacting multiple agencies and interviewing for several jobs over the course of the three weeks I was searching the inevitable would happen. It was an interview I had put everything into. Like I literally pulled out all the damned stops for this. I don't know why but it really appealed to me. It was working for an environmental solutions company installing and maintaining heating, air-con, solar panels, and other eco-equipment for schools, care homes, and other public type buildings. After smashing the first interview they asked me back for a second one to whittle it down. The second interview a few days later I aced it as well and amazingly was told by the guy conducting the second interview that "he regrettably had to end the interview" but that over the last however-many-odd years he had been in business my interview was one of the most fun and enjoyable he had ever had and that in over 7,000 employees he had interviewed in his time, I was his favorite. 

It was amazing to feel like that and I was super excited to hear back as I thought I had a really great chance at this job where I would be managing a schedule for over 40 engineers! Forty! But life always has a curveball and soon enough the phone was ringing for another interview. Since I had no job offers on the table yet I took everything I could get my hands on, one of which was for a security company I had been head-hunted for. They wanted someone to do the managing of some engineers and possibly some back-up on the marketing front. 

The end of the week was nearing and as I pottered around in the kitchen on my lunch hour my phone rang. It was management from the environmental company. They wanted to offer me the job. But there was a catch. Because I and another candidate interviewed so strongly they simply couldn't decide between the two of us and since the work was clearly there, they wanted both of us to come on board and work as a team. Giddy with excitement I accepted and looked forward to finally being able to get my teeth stuck into something bigger and better. 

Out of courtesy I called round the interviews I had left, being the security company I had on the following morning, the Saturday. Wishing me luck in my new role I thought nothing more of it and carried on with my day, however, 5-minutes later I had another call. It was the security company again. They had increased their salary by £9,000. NINE-GRAND! I mean it wouldn't hurt to go to the interview and see what it was all about - Would it?

'Til next time, Love A.Lou x

Remember, if you would like to purchase anything then please feel free to check out my store at: https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/Wooftys or visit our Instagram @WooftysDogTreats and use "TATOATS21" to get 10% off your first order over £15.00.

What the fuck do we do now?!

Hello Hello,  

You know what I just don't know how I feel. I have been counting down the days to this announcement for weeks now. Ever since I blocked out mainstream media and COVID updates (all bar the research needed for the blog) in mid-January I was becoming more and more hopeful from the sources I was tuning into, mainly Guides for Brides and the UK wedding taskforce (the government team of professional and industry leaders tasked with trying to get weddings back to normal in the UK).

This time last week the country was on tenterhooks as we waited with bated breath to see what BoJo was going to say about the gradual reopening of the UK and a road-map to get out of our Coronavirus-plagued lives. Whilst the BBC confirmed that the 'R' rate is as low as it was in September and the death toll is just over 178 being recorded today (Monday 22 February 2021) and with nearly 18-million people in the UK having now had their first dose of a coronavirus vaccine I was as optimistic as the next person. However at nine-minutes past 7pm, Prime Minister Boris Johnson addressed the nation.

Bozza Jozza told MPs earlier this afternoon his plan which aimed to be "cautious but irreversible" and at every stage decisions would be led by "data not dates". He explained that there was simply "no credible route to a zero-Covid Britain nor indeed a zero-Covid world", however in a Downing Street news conference positively stated that "the coming spring and summer would be seasons of hope, looking and feeling incomparably better for us all". As reported through BBC, the new four-step plan to ease lockdown could see easing happening from 8th March.

From 8 March 2021 (nearly a year after this whole thing started suffocating our lives) all schools will open with outdoor after-school sports and activities allowed also. Recreation in outdoor public spaces such as parks will be allowed between two people, meaning that cups of coffee or a picnic are OK. From 29 March 2021, outdoor gatherings of either six people or two households will be allowed and it is understood this will include gatherings in private gardens. Outdoor sports facilities such as tennis or basketball courts will reopen and organized adult and children's sport, such as grassroots football, will also return.

The second step will start from 12 April 2021 and would see major parts of the economy permitted to reopen including non-essential retail opens, beauty industries and some public buildings like libraries. Outdoor settings like alcohol takeaways, beer gardens, zoos and theme parks are also considered to be in the reopening as well as indoor leisure like swimming pools and gyms. Self-contained holiday accommodation, such as self-catering lets and campsites would also be allowed to operate (best cancel fucking Easter getaway then FFS)

Wider social contact rules will continue to apply in all settings however which would mean no indoor mixing between different households will be allowed but the end of hospitality curfews and requirements to eat a substantial meal alongside alcohol would mean that spring beer garden visits and coffee and a cake at the local cafe would become a thing again.

The third step will come from 17 May 2021 (if the data allows) and will see the "rule of six" abolished for outdoor gatherings, replaced with a limit of 30 people. Two households could mix indoors from that date with the rule of six applied in settings like pubs Cinemas, museums, hotels, performances, and sporting events reopen, although social distancing remains. In stage three, up to 10,000 spectators can attend the very largest outdoor seated venues like football stadiums. 

Prime Minister Boris Johnson confirmed that there will be a gap of at least five weeks between each step's to allow for the impact of changes on infection rates and hospital admissions to be assessed. The BBC confirms that before the fourth step, ministers will carry out a review into social distancing and other "long-term measures" designed to reduce transmission, including the "one metre plus" rule and the wearing of face coverings. They will also consider whether to lift the "work from home" guidance, which the government says people should continue to follow until the review has been completed. The fourth step from 21 June 2021 will potentially see all legal limits on social contact removed, with the final closed sectors of the economy reopened, such as nightclubs.

So why do i feel like this? Well. Up until 12th April 2021 (AKA the first step), wedding ceremonies will be able to process with up to six people including the happy couple only and unlike before will no longer be limited to exceptional circumstance or death-bed weddings. In stage two, weddings and receptions with up to 15 guests permitted. Step four see's weddings and wedding receptions will be allowed with up to 30 people with the final stage (four) from 21 June will potentially see all legal limits on social contact removed and restrictions on weddings and other social gatherings will be abolished.

Great news!? Yes. If our wedding wasn't on Saturday 12 June 2021. As I shared on my Instagram, moments ago, I am just so utterly frustrated and angry that our big day is just 9-days shy of the (hopeful) total relaxation of rules. I am fizzing with emotions that I just don't know what to do. Do we postpone? Do we stick? Do we cut and bust and fucking sack the whole fucking thing in? And if we do postpone the wedding, it is yet again putting our lives on hold!

I just don't understand why the UK government would instruct and ask the UK wedding taskforce to collect data on what the wedding industry needs in order to sustain not only couples but also companies, the government agreeing with their findings of being a minimum of 50 guests to make weddings viable for all involved; Only to then get that information, have those meetings, talk to those professionals and then stick two fingers up and go "naaah we will do it our way". 

Having the carrot literally dangled in front of our face I am trying so hard to be positive and happy and optimistic about this evening's announcement that we can soon see friends and family and hug and kiss one another again, but I won't, I can't, hide how I feel ... 

'Til next time, Love A.Lou x

Decision Time!

Well Hello There, 

How are we all doing, hope your fully recovered from your new years eve celebrations wherever in the world you may be! Hope you are having a good first few days into 2014 and enjoying what it has to bring. As for my life so far this year there have been some big changes, I have resumed working as a Credit Controller and am enjoying my first few days back. I am getting out and about viewing flats and new abodes I can begin writing to you from. But truth be told, the long dark days, horrid weather and general January blues are really taking its toll. Although there is a good reason why I should be so glum as things are a little different than when we last spoke. 

Now, New Years Eve was something I wanted to celebrate with all those I loved around me but as circumstances have it I ended up spending it in a west London pub, tears falling over my cheeks and soaked in wine. Allow me to explain. So for the past few months I have been asking The Tweedles - AKA Miss Tweedle-Dee and Miss Tweedle-Dumb what their plans were for the New Year and what we were all going to do to celebrate it. After much deliberation there was still no conclusion and so instead of being stuck somewhere come midnight and not having anywhere to stay I decided to spend the evening with Mr. Cheese, despite the upset caused to certain individuals. After the struggles over Christmas, trying to figure out where this whole thing with Mr. Cheese is going I knew that the elephant in the room had to be confronted; And soon. 

Journeying down to London on the train I was optimistic about the evening and day that followed. I was hoping that Mr. Cheese and I would venture into the City on New Years Day and potter around a museum or something. Hopping onto the tube I made my way to Soho to meet Mr. Cheese, but as I was waiting in the rain outside in the busy streets my mood started to droop. I wasn't feeling very happy or excited. I just felt overwhelmed with the decision I would soon have to make. I knew in my heart though that whatever I was feeling right there would be melted away like snow as soon as the brilliance of the Fromage arrived. And true, it did. but kissing in the rain didn't feel as special as it should have. It should have felt better! Making our way back to the tube I was hoping that Mr. Cheese would help my mood lift. 

Upon arrival back to Mr. Cheese's west London flat, more wet and bedraggled than before we set about tidying up before settling down on the sofa for a cosy night in, softly whispering to each other how we have several hours to go until midnight. I felt for a moment and mentioned this to my date that maybe we were too old and just to go to bed to which I already knew the reply would be a stern "No." And so after feasting on restaurant take-out and wine we began to talk about memories of years gone by. I reminisced about the Tweedles and some of our first encounters of boys together and a few of the drunken teenage laughs we all had. I hoped in the back of my head they were having a good time too. Before we knew it the food had gone and our glasses were empty. Mr. Cheese and I had forty minutes of the year  left and decided to join his flat mate and her boyfriend down the road in the pub for some drinks to celebrate it properly. 

Entering the hot, stuffy bar I suddenly felt very under dressed in my flat moccasins, jeans and jumper combo. "I should have brought heels" I thought, silently begrudging myself for being ill-equipped. Even still I got some attention, although not always from the right people. Glancing at the clock as I was poured a glass of wine by the flatmate I pondered across the year before and the year ahead. Last year was very different and the year ahead, well, what will it entail? Who knows. As the clock passed midnight no-one noticed, including the DJ and so we ended up welcoming in the new year five minutes later like a bunch of unprepared school children on photo-day. Welcoming in New year I stood around, smile on my face watching everyone else kissing. For once I didn't know what to do. I know what I wanted to do. I know what I wanted to happen. But I doubted that was enough floor space for Mr. Cheese to spin me around and kiss me passionately in front of the whole pub. Eventually our eyes met and we kisses, holding each other tight as the festivities engulfed us. 

Soon the smooching subsided, I got talking to the flatmates boyfriend. I had only met him a few times, but from our encounters I had established that he was a pretty boy from up-north with a thick accent and a head to match but a lovely chap nonetheless. Not wanting to distract my attention from Mr. Cheese too much I turned back to face him. But as I slowly opened my eyes and twisted my body to meet his I felt a cold splash and a stinging sensation in my eyes. Yes. I had my first glass of wine thrown over me. Was it the angry ex-girlfriend whom apparently lives only a few blocks from the bar itself? No. Did I get caught up in an ugly fight? No. Had I been splashed by a runaway baby elephant that had sneaked into the venue and squirted his trunk at me (no pun intended). No, but close. As I had turned to face the dear Mr. Cheese he got excited about something his flatmate had said and unintentionally thrown my wine all over me. I know, and it wasn't even his. So as I stand there dazed and confused my eyes weeping with Blossom Hill and my jumper sodden I couldn't help but laugh. Mr. Cheese on the other hand was mortified. He quickly grabbed me and pulled me in close apologising for his clumsiness. I didn't care. It was an accident and I knew that, but for some odd reason I felt as if Mr. Cheese saw it as a horrible incident in which I would scream and shout at him for even attempting to make my mascara run. I didn't mind, I was just sad that my wine was being soaked up by my jumper rather than my blood-stream. 

As the night wore on and we made small talk amongst ourselves and the people around us I couldn't help but notice a tune I recognised. A song from my past. Whilst it was not hugely significant, I had been to enough DJ set's to know that the song that usually follows would be fatal to my already sodden cheeks. I made an excuse and made a dash for the exit before my ears could pick up any more music. But as I leaned against the window outside in the fresh, chilly air of 2014 my mind couldn't help hoping that Mr. Cheese would follow me outside and keep me warm. But placing a cigarette to my lips and as predicted the first chords of the song Mr. Workaholic and I shared rang out from the speakers; winding its way through the crowds, seeping into the night, poisoning my ears once more. I couldn't hold it back. I tried but as I beat off thoughts of Mr. Workaholic and the life we built together only a few years before but they were too strong. This was the song we first danced too. This was the song I first sang to him, yelling it across the dance floor as we spinned around happy to have encountered one another. This was the song that we would have our first dance to - Played acoustically and softly as we swayed with a hundred eyes on us. It was the song that ironically depicted our relationship. Almost down to the very last beat. As hot tears began to smudge my dark make-up I headed back inside in search of comfort. Finally finding Mr. Cheese at the table we were sharing I clung onto his arm for dear life, praying he would take not of the sounds that were haunting me. He did not. I curled in closer taking refuge in his torso. It was only when I explained the semantics and reasons why I was crying that he pulled me in for a brief, sharp hug. It was at this point I knew I needed more. 

Collecting our stuff after finishing another few bottles the four of us headed into the lit streets of London and made our way home. Laughing and giggling all the way Mr. Cheese and I highlighted the fact that the helium balloons I had "borrowed" from the bar should be put to good use, rather than letting them float away. Licking my lips and sucking hard I took in a deep breath. Holding it in until I was ready I spoke in a high-pitched squeaky voice. This was the first time I had tried helium. It made me light-headed after a while and for a moment I wasn't thinking about the roller-coaster evening I had. Entering once more into the flat, Mr. Cheese, his flatmate, her boyfriend and I all gathered round to watch the flatmate open her birthday presents. All were wonderful, but after all that excitement I was starting to reach my upper limit on the alcohol front and all I wanted was bed-time. Being slightly fragile both emotionally and drunkenly I felt that sex was maybe best left for the morning. Although come morning it was a very different story indeed.

Rolling over and checking the time I was alarmed to discover it was gone eleven in the morning. Gently waking Mr. Cheese from his slumber I mentioned this too him and how we had missed breakfast at our favourite cafe. I asked the simple question on what we were going to do with the rest of the day and after spending money I should be saving on a train fare to see him I was expecting to make it go a little further than just last night. Much to my disappointment that was not the case and a simple answer followed my simple question. Mr. Cheese replied by saying that he "just wanted to lounge about the flat and watch some football". It was clear his plans and mine for the first day into the New Year were very different. This got me thinking and for the next four hours I lounged in bed, mostly in silence, wondering if Mr. Cheese would ever make the move. Would he ever truly be all mine? The answer is no. Don't worry I asked. Straight-up asking him if he wanted me and only me, just us, together as boyfriend and girlfriend. His reply was the same as the first time we met - "I'm just not ready". 

Upset, angry, confused, frustrated, hurt, annoyed. Many words could describe how I am feeling both then and still now. I don't understand. If your eating Jam, should it really matter if its blackberry or strawberry, its jam all the same right? OK, maybe not the best comparison there but my heads a bit of a mess as I am sure you can imagine. And so after a solemn last supper (i.e - late lunch) we departed. Not wanting to go but knowing I had to we made the pact that we would only communicate through text messages and email until the first weekend in February when we shall meet again and see where we are both at. Since that moment there has not been a second that doesn't pass without me thinking of my dearest Mr. Cheese. But I know I need to do this. I want him and he doesn't want me so I need to distance myself from him. In my head I suppose this will make the real end much less painful. I can see us being so good together, but obviously he doesn't see this yet and I am hoping that some time apart will make him question why we aren't already an item. 

And so for the time being I shall try and keep my spirits high. Try not to worry too much about not having enough money to move. Try not to worry about work. Try not to worry about Mr. Cheese and his developing or dwindling feelings for me. I shall bounce back from this but right now I just wish that life would choose better moments than right now. Ugh! Roll on February!

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx

Torn Between the Devil and The Deep Blue Sea

Evening everyone, 

So last week I spoke of my tales of old in which I relived some memories from college, not all of them lovely ones mind? But I hope you enjoyed them as much as I did writing them. Its nice to see sometime how much you have grown up since then, even if it was only a few years ago. This week has been a ball breaker at work, slogging it out trying to catch as much money as possible before the year end and what with loosing a couple of weeks in December already down to Christmas and New Years you can imagine how manic everyone offices are. Nevertheless I know you all well enough by now to know that you don't tune in every week to hear about how spiffing my job in finance is. You wanna know about the sex, scandal and slip-ups and I don't blame you.

Now after our conversation a few weeks ago with Mr. Cheese and I, I felt comfortable about my place within our 'relationship-that's-not-a-relationship' and was confident about the direction my life was taking. Although I have felt as though life in general has become a bit humdrum since I'm not partying as much due to the colder climate and as a result becoming a bit of a boring arse! So knowing fully my position in life I decided to go on another adventure and back to a time before Cheese and Butterfly bridges. I have reinvented myself and popped myself back on the shelf again like an adorable fluffy teddy-bear. Although this time I don't know how I entirely feel about being on the market again for the second time this year; Especially when I feel someone else has already invested a fair bit into me.

On the one hand I feel like life is lagging a bit of late and for someone whom only just this time last year was embarking on their first taste of the dating world after being out of the game for so long I can hardly blame myself for wanting more. I'm young and need to act as such. I hate the fact that when I get in a relationship I turn into a little timid housewife from 1954 whereby I do all the stuff a lady should do and answer to every man's want, need, wish and desire. Now don't get me wrong a part of me loves being that person in a relationship but lets be honest I will have my whole life (once married and trapped) to make my husband feel that regal and empowered. Right now I need to find myself more than I have already and have fun not worrying about what lies beyond the following year. I need to party and enjoy life because before long I will have children tugging at my ankles and a sex-deprived caveman whom deserves all the praise in the world for putting up with an accident-prone bimbo like me. Its nothing to do with Mr. Cheese at all, I just feel that I should take advantage of the opportunities now so I don't regret anything when I'm cleaning dried baby-milk-puke off my new blouse. 

After posting up some new pictures and trawling through all those frogs, Ive found a few good looking fellas and already have several dates lined up for the rest of the year and even a few into next. One gentleman I have made acquaintances with has already booked me for next Sunday afternoon/evening and we are going Rock-Climbing. Now I know my profile says ''think outside the box'' when it comes to going on a date but I must admit I was a little taken aback and surprised when I was told we would be getting to know each other when my derrière will be scaling a Faux Everest. Nevertheless, with Miss Tweedle-Dee and Miss Tweedle-Dumb's persuasion I have obliged and this time next week I can assure you I will have another embarrassing narrative for you all. Another male I met was a rather forward chap from Northamptonshire which already had set alarm-bells ringing since I used to co-habit there with Mr. Workaholic. He suggested a movie night, snuggled up. Sounds blissful until you realise that he only has a telly in his room, has no sofa - just a bed and he like to spoon. No problems with any of those things, but for a first date. Maybe not. 

I am sure though that whilst I have the free-range to do anything as and when I please with who I please (or pleases me as the case may be) that I shall make full use of it. But on the other hand I feel that maybe it would be nice to settle down and have some stability for once. Next April it will have been two-years since Mr. Workaholic left and I am glad to say that I feel that if I wanted it that bad that I could deal with a relationship. Mr. Cheese is a wonderful person. So kind and caring; considerate and thoughtful. Heck he even turned up at mine on Saturday afternoon with a bunch of Christmas flowers. The reason? Simply answered with a smile and a "Just because". He likes me and I like him. When we lye together and laugh about all the silly things in life like call-centre's and peoples names I realise that I might already be searching for something that could be right under my snozzer! But this then poses a big question. One that my dear friend's Miss Tatts and Miss Chocolate asked me in detail over coffee on a catch-up in London this weekend. She asked me to answer it truthfully. "Is he 'The One?" 

What a monumental question that is. The over-bearing question could only be answered honestly and for a girl who thought she had fallen in love with a guy she wasn't even exclusively in a relationship with it was hard. Mr. Cheese and I have only been seeing each other for five months, and that sort of question is almost unanswerable at this stage. I do care for Mr. Cheese alot. A hell of alot. But whether he will be 'The One' who I see my fairytale life with is still questionable. I mean I'm not going to lie. I have thought about it. Maybe every time I pass a wedding shop, be it with or without him the idea catapults into my mind. But unlike all the other times I push them aside, accepting that it may not be that face that I see when my veil finally goes up. As time has gone by over the past few months I have thought about all manner of things, not just weddings. I have thought about the before's and after's. The living together and moving in, the family life and raising of children. But all of it is trivial because I know it may well not be with Mr. Cheese. Its nice to think about it, but reality has taught me in the past and if I have ever learnt anything from Mr. Workaholic it was to never trust anyone with your hopes and dreams because you may have thought that you have found everything you have ever been looking for, but you may not be what they have been looking for ...

All in all Mr. Cheese is a fantastic guy and I do honestly mean it from the bottom of my heart that I can see myself spending many an afternoon frolicking in each others company bumbling along from months, maybe even years to come. But do I want that? Because lets be honest we are all guilty of hurrying things along once they are official. After two people meet its "So when are you two going to hook up?" After that its the dilemma of "When are you two going to move in together?" Then its the proposal, marriage, kids, house, dog, schools, cars and who is included on the joint Christmas list. Whereas I enjoy partying and having a cheeky kiss and a dance with randomer's I don't know the names of, whenever I am exhausted, lying on those tee-pee moobs playing with the chest wig, I can imagine it being anyone else I would want to be with. The one and only. Mr. Cheese. But I like things as they are; Freedom if and when I want it but with the knowledge that in the background, something beautiful is growing.

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx

And So The Battle Commences ...

Morning All,

So I am writing this earlier than usually. Quite simply two reasons. One - I am convinced that my neighbours are having sex which depresses me in so many ways as I feel that I have been now celibate for at least eight months now and that I could practically join a nunnery and become god's 'Lady in Waiting'. And number two is a dilemma which I can only see getting more and more difficult as time progresses. Firstly though before I go on I should probably start from the beginning. Yes. That would help ...

So last week was all about getting settled in and preparing for the enormous weekend ahead. Unfortunately Miss Chocolate was ill so all Friday frolics were postponed until further notice. I did however end up spending the night with Miss Tweedle-Dee and Miss Tweedle-Dumb in her room watching an old comedy film. It was suggested that after we would play a game of 'gay chicken' although I am still unsure fully of what it is all about I am pretty adamant I would win! Saturday afternoon was spent trawling round  a shopping mall darting from store to store praying that Miss Tweedle-Dumb and I would find something suitable and in our size for the Wrap Party in London later on in the evening. It had been decided early on in the week that we would just get the train home after the party. I mean its not like anything fun would happen right? Wrong ...

After frantically spending more time than originally thought getting ready and as usual I was running late, both me and Miss Tweedle-Dumb made it to the station just in time to catch the fast train. Sipping on cocktails on the way down I knew that it was going to be good night. I was looking forward to seeing all the fresh faces and enjoying the atmosphere of a high-end City bar. Upon arrival, Me and the lone Tweedle wandered to the starting Piccadilly nightclub swishing past all the people queued up and stating that my name was on the guest list I felt like a star - Even if it was for lemons, milk and mould! Shyly climbing the stairs in my sparkly golden heels I reached the top and saw it was packed out. I noticed a few faces at the bar and after having to take out a mortgage and three loans to pay for my one singular drink of the evening there I headed to find the host.

A special area had been made up specifically for the shows wrap party and I began to clock more and more faces, a few in particular I took a liking too. Soon I was mingling with the best of them and some real gems as far as people go. Then the chaos began and we headed for the next club up the road in posh Mayfair, London. Off the heels came and on went the flats to make the ten-minute commute to the next venue of choice, headed up by me and only a mapping application on my phone. Once in the chic, cosmopolitan bar I wondered where the men I had my eyes on had got too. Turning my attention back to conversation with Miss Tweedle-Dumb I could tell that whilst the night was barely getting started for me, it would very shortly be over before it had even started properly.

Descending the stairs to a smokey, seedy dance floor I was excited and enthralled by the atmosphere. granted I did feel that a sardine would have more room to move than I did at that time, but I was caught in the moment and loving every moment of it; Especially since I knew we would have to leave soon, being the last trains and all. Just before I went home though something spectacular happened! So on the dance floor was I and so was the rest of the cast and plus-ones, and after being force-fed expensive Vodka by a fetching man I headed for the exit, already well aware that Miss Tweedle-Dumb would not approve of us missing our train home, nor at the fact I had left her by herself whilst I said goodbye. But as I stepped down from the stage, and before I waded through the crowd an arm stretched out in front of me. Taking the mysterious hand although knowing whom it belonged to I fell into his arms. Now I shall not kiss and tell (and you can all take that comment on complete face value as it is true, we did have a cheeky one) but what a wonderful man I met. Now, you guys all know how I feel about accent's and this one is stunning. They are so important! Enough said although I refuse to reveal anymore as this might be en-route to somewhere since we have been in contact since.

Sunday was a lazy day. The morning was spent sleeping since me and Miss Tweedle-Dumb didn't arrive back home until four-in-the-morning. Another rushed Get-out-of-bed routine though as I realized I had less than an hour to prepare for my date with the now known Mr. Cheese. The afternoon itself was laid-back and relaxed. As planned we bought some vintage cheese and ate this in a quiet beer garden with cider and conversation as fuel for our fire. We had been chatting most evenings in the week and had finally decided to meet each other at two O'clock on Sunday afternoon, although this is where I had made a slight mistake in terms of location. You see in Bedford there is a river and on this river there are many bridges one of which they call - The Butterfly Bridge. A romantic symbol some may say, especially for a man. Something that makes you wonder why would a man choose that to be the location for meeting a date. Regardless of the philosophy behind the statement that was in itself perfectly unscripted, it does still not undermine the fact that I still managed to go to the wrong bridge. In typical 'Moi' fashion I had gone to the wrong bridge. So as ten past two arrived I came to realise that not only did I research into what the romanticised Butterfly Bridge looked like, but I also had my back to it the entire time. An omen maybe for me and Mr. Cheese?

Sunday afternoon ended as my Saturday night had as well - with a kiss. So impromptu and uninhibited Mr.Cheese swooped in whilst I was explaining something probably mundane and kissed me soft on the lips. Nothing special and no full on make-out sesh here. Just simple, sweet, innocent kisses. So very awkward as this isn't something I would usually consent to on a first date but when the arm slinks around you and there isn't anyone around to see the PDA (a Public Display of Affection - not and actual PDA; That would be weird) you feel inclined to just say yes. It was the same when we departed a sweet kiss goodbye, but not before confirming next Sunday as our second 'Date'!

Oh but yes. Here I am in the reality of my now rush-hour love life. Mr. Cheese and my Mystery man. I like both.  But I also like being single. But I also would like to have something more in terms of a relationship. But I want a life outside of one too. I never do make things easy for myself. And I always did say that there will come a time when you wait and wait and wait and then suddenly your numbers are up. But which chips do I cash in? Which one should I gamble on? I know which one I want because I cant stop thinking about it and wondering -but is it the winning ticket?

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx

To Date Or Not To Date?

Hello,
 
So no word from Mr. Workaholic this week, or his mother for that fact, which in some respects I'm glad of. I have enough drama and excitement in my life for them to cramp my style. But it did get me thinking about how it would be nice to have a new Mister about the place. After spending the weekend with family and Saturday afternoon discussing relationships with my beloved Grandmother I finally realised it time to get out there. And so commences my first look into dating since said train crash with Mr. Workaholic.

Its a scary place the dating scene, especially for an inexperienced little mite like me. You see other that 'The one that got away' that is Mr. Ginge and the notorious Mr. Workaholic, there hasn't really been anyone else. Apart from a few flings and silly teen relationships - Oh, and of course Mr. Coffee, there hasn't been anyone else. And besides where do you even meet people nower days when your twenty-one? I mean its not like I ever go out any more since Miss Chocolate has just moved into her new house so is pretty much broke and Miss Tweedle-Dee and Miss Tweedle-Dumb have turned into thirty-year-old's; In fact I know even thirty-year-old's that go out more than they do. Don't get me wrong I love them to bits and would do anything for them, but they need to realise that they are still young and there is more to life than nights-in and slogging your guts out at work!

The majority of people meet each other through friends, in which I don't have very many close ones with tonnes of single male bachelor's or they meet at university, in which I chose not to go to as I wanted to build and create a life with Mr. Workaholic - And we all know where that ended up! It seems that the only place people my age meet is whilst intoxicated or under-the-influence in a nightclub at 3am when all other hopefuls have eloped and the only way to end the night would be to make a mistake by waking up next to someone in the morning you barely remember their face, let alone the name! The way it comes across is that meeting someone in a club on a night out is a bit like playing musical chairs - You have to find the best chair before your left with the one that has the dodgy leg and squeaks, and no-body wants that chair!
 
After dabbling around with the Channel 4 show 'First Dates' for the past couple of week's and not manifesting a single whiff of interest I have decided to take things into my own hands. Its not like I expected a line outside my door to date me or anything, but just someone remotely interested in me. Whilst I may really like lemons and have an admiration for all things dairy, I am quirky and interesting. I'm not one of these girls that is moody and uninterested in anything and everything. I love discovering and enjoying life. I love food and unlike some girls I'm not scared to feast on a steak or two. Yeah I'm a little lumpy in places but hey, isn't everyone? Isn't that what makes us different? If we were back in caveman days I would have been worshipped for my healthy appetite, large hips and vibrant personality. It would be me that survives, not someone with a waist smaller than a pencil and a head filled with nothing but hot air. But somehow its pencils a la hot air that attract all the men? I know that I would prefer to be with someone that was ugly but had a bit of pizazz about them that someone who looked like they had just stepped off stage from a Chippendale's show - Not that a Chippendale is my idea of a perfect man. In fact it couldn't be further from the truth.
 
I enjoy a man who is manly with a dash of femininity. Someone who takes care of themselves, but not too much. I also like a nice, jumper-wearing, guy who can make me laugh and that gets along with my friends and family. They're the people he will need to impress the most. I enjoy running my fingers through hair whilst in the moment if you follow the drift and I like other bodily hair, but I don't want to date chewbacca. I find little tufts of hair tucked away under the arms and on the chest cute and sweet. I just want a nice man to bring home to my family and friends, that isn't going to hurt me in the way that everyone has - With the exception of Mr. Ginge. I don't think that's too much to ask for? Well that and my four point check-list is also preferable ... Hair, Eyes, Shoes and Teeth.

Mind you, maybe the fact that most people my age aren't on dating websites or in the national papers appealing for dates should tells me that its not normal to get hung up on finding someone so young. I just feel that maybe time is ticking. I wasted so much time on Mr. Workaholic building our dreams and future that when it all collapsed I had nothing left. everything was burnt and that makes me want to be fire retardant for the rest of my life, but I cant help it, I just fall in love so easily. I'm not ready at the age of twenty-one to settle down and have the kids and the dog and the house and the nine-to-five yet. I still want to live my life. I have so much to see and do. I want to go on a crazy holiday to a party island with all my friends and drink so much we have to be carted home by the locals. I want to travel and see some of the world. I want to have some more nights that I think to myself 'Oh god, did I really do that?'

And so round and round I go with the quarterly-life crisis that is - To date or not to date? That is the question? I think I am ready, but am I really? I have a lot going on at the moment and a corker of a summer just around the corner - Would I really want to share that with anyone? I doubts it. Besides Ive got to move out soon. I have seen a few places and have a couple lined up to go and see some more but yes, it seems that it wont be long before I shall be broadcasting from a new location. Where is another matter though ...

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx