What the fuck do we do now?!

Hello Hello,  

You know what I just don't know how I feel. I have been counting down the days to this announcement for weeks now. Ever since I blocked out mainstream media and COVID updates (all bar the research needed for the blog) in mid-January I was becoming more and more hopeful from the sources I was tuning into, mainly Guides for Brides and the UK wedding taskforce (the government team of professional and industry leaders tasked with trying to get weddings back to normal in the UK).

This time last week the country was on tenterhooks as we waited with bated breath to see what BoJo was going to say about the gradual reopening of the UK and a road-map to get out of our Coronavirus-plagued lives. Whilst the BBC confirmed that the 'R' rate is as low as it was in September and the death toll is just over 178 being recorded today (Monday 22 February 2021) and with nearly 18-million people in the UK having now had their first dose of a coronavirus vaccine I was as optimistic as the next person. However at nine-minutes past 7pm, Prime Minister Boris Johnson addressed the nation.

Bozza Jozza told MPs earlier this afternoon his plan which aimed to be "cautious but irreversible" and at every stage decisions would be led by "data not dates". He explained that there was simply "no credible route to a zero-Covid Britain nor indeed a zero-Covid world", however in a Downing Street news conference positively stated that "the coming spring and summer would be seasons of hope, looking and feeling incomparably better for us all". As reported through BBC, the new four-step plan to ease lockdown could see easing happening from 8th March.

From 8 March 2021 (nearly a year after this whole thing started suffocating our lives) all schools will open with outdoor after-school sports and activities allowed also. Recreation in outdoor public spaces such as parks will be allowed between two people, meaning that cups of coffee or a picnic are OK. From 29 March 2021, outdoor gatherings of either six people or two households will be allowed and it is understood this will include gatherings in private gardens. Outdoor sports facilities such as tennis or basketball courts will reopen and organized adult and children's sport, such as grassroots football, will also return.

The second step will start from 12 April 2021 and would see major parts of the economy permitted to reopen including non-essential retail opens, beauty industries and some public buildings like libraries. Outdoor settings like alcohol takeaways, beer gardens, zoos and theme parks are also considered to be in the reopening as well as indoor leisure like swimming pools and gyms. Self-contained holiday accommodation, such as self-catering lets and campsites would also be allowed to operate (best cancel fucking Easter getaway then FFS)

Wider social contact rules will continue to apply in all settings however which would mean no indoor mixing between different households will be allowed but the end of hospitality curfews and requirements to eat a substantial meal alongside alcohol would mean that spring beer garden visits and coffee and a cake at the local cafe would become a thing again.

The third step will come from 17 May 2021 (if the data allows) and will see the "rule of six" abolished for outdoor gatherings, replaced with a limit of 30 people. Two households could mix indoors from that date with the rule of six applied in settings like pubs Cinemas, museums, hotels, performances, and sporting events reopen, although social distancing remains. In stage three, up to 10,000 spectators can attend the very largest outdoor seated venues like football stadiums. 

Prime Minister Boris Johnson confirmed that there will be a gap of at least five weeks between each step's to allow for the impact of changes on infection rates and hospital admissions to be assessed. The BBC confirms that before the fourth step, ministers will carry out a review into social distancing and other "long-term measures" designed to reduce transmission, including the "one metre plus" rule and the wearing of face coverings. They will also consider whether to lift the "work from home" guidance, which the government says people should continue to follow until the review has been completed. The fourth step from 21 June 2021 will potentially see all legal limits on social contact removed, with the final closed sectors of the economy reopened, such as nightclubs.

So why do i feel like this? Well. Up until 12th April 2021 (AKA the first step), wedding ceremonies will be able to process with up to six people including the happy couple only and unlike before will no longer be limited to exceptional circumstance or death-bed weddings. In stage two, weddings and receptions with up to 15 guests permitted. Step four see's weddings and wedding receptions will be allowed with up to 30 people with the final stage (four) from 21 June will potentially see all legal limits on social contact removed and restrictions on weddings and other social gatherings will be abolished.

Great news!? Yes. If our wedding wasn't on Saturday 12 June 2021. As I shared on my Instagram, moments ago, I am just so utterly frustrated and angry that our big day is just 9-days shy of the (hopeful) total relaxation of rules. I am fizzing with emotions that I just don't know what to do. Do we postpone? Do we stick? Do we cut and bust and fucking sack the whole fucking thing in? And if we do postpone the wedding, it is yet again putting our lives on hold!

I just don't understand why the UK government would instruct and ask the UK wedding taskforce to collect data on what the wedding industry needs in order to sustain not only couples but also companies, the government agreeing with their findings of being a minimum of 50 guests to make weddings viable for all involved; Only to then get that information, have those meetings, talk to those professionals and then stick two fingers up and go "naaah we will do it our way". 

Having the carrot literally dangled in front of our face I am trying so hard to be positive and happy and optimistic about this evening's announcement that we can soon see friends and family and hug and kiss one another again, but I won't, I can't, hide how I feel ... 

'Til next time, Love A.Lou x

An Amicus Curiae

Hello, 

Sat waiting for my appointment at the doctors Saturday morning I was I was anxious to say the least about what the doctor's and medical professionals would say. After my most recent appointment with them they had advised to continue my medication whilst I awaited an appointment where I can be seen through the NHS for counselling but this seems to be harder than you would have initially thought. 

After a few counselling sessions earlier on in my treatment process, I was unable to continue with them due to the high cost of the sessions themselves. They certainly helped but at £70.00 for an hour long session it was certainly not something I could afford right now or keep up, although that being said I was and still am eternally grateful for the help received. During those early therapy sessions, I finally opened up to the realisation that maybe medication is just what I needed at that point and with that I went to the doctors in order to get a quick fix. 

I'm sad and almost ashamed to admit that my work was suffering  and with a House move in the works I couldn't loose this job. As my social life dwindled also because of everything that was going on, I had, stupidly really, tried for the last few months (because the weeks of cloudiness beforehand had now turned into months) to not succumb to the need for medication in order to treat my mental health issues. Truth be told is that I needed a fairly instant result in improving my mood and therefore my performance, both at and away from my desk. The tablets used to make me feel quite queasy and nauseous most of the time but I knew they were good for me and what I needed would come soon. I needed, still do really, therapy and counselling and I need to talk about it, not medicate it away.

I have spoken before about how I was shocked that the doctor handed them out so easily, asking me very little questions about what is going on in my life to make me feel like this and how I am feeling. Unlike before there were no silly questionnaire about how depressed I am or the likeliness that I might top myself on a scale of one to ten.Every other time I have been to the doctors (not that there have been many, gosh makes me sound like a right nut case, but there have been a few occasions) there has always been a lengthy conversation about how I feel and how I have become to feel this way. Strangely I feel as though there should have been at least a little bit more push and pull. Then again maybe it was obvious and looking at my medical history it seemed the best thing for me. Initially when I went to the doctors in May of this year I was told that I will be placed on a waiting list for free counselling through the NHS and was told it would be roughly a three-month time slot from when I was referred. 

Obviously I continued with my therapy sessions and when they came to an end I went back to the doctor in order to have a check-up generally on the medication that I was on and it just so happened that it was coming up close to the three-month mark in July. I was told that it would probably be better if I went to speak to the Bedfordshire Well-Being team which were based outside of the doctors surgery and whilst part of the NHS were a different entity that could help. It was here that I learnt that it can be anywhere between eighteen-months and two-years. Certainly not the three-month time slot I was given when I first started back in April / May. 

After a meeting with a lady at the Bedfordshire Well-Being team, it was suggested by several mental health practitioners that I undertake what I thought was going to be a group therapy counselling session lasting 5 weeks. I thought that we all walk into the room sit down in a circle and say "Hi, my name is blah blah blah and I have a problem with abandonment issues particularly to do with my parents". Unfortunately this was far from the case and in actual fact it was a rather patronising lesson in what depression is and how it will make you feel. 
"No surprised that I have found it completely unhelpful as I am here because I have relapsed" I thought during my first two sessions. I am already my own well-being expert. I know the issues I have and ways I can slip back under the darkness. I already know how it feels to be depressed and I know what I need to do in order to get out. As narcissistic as it sounds I know what I am on about as I am already, at the grand old age of nearly 27, an expert of my own mental health issues.  

It was at this point that I spoke with the doctor and she confirmed that it would not be wise to stop medication and advised that in most circumstances medication is taken for a minimum of six-months, however with everything still quite unstable in my life in terms of my housing situation as well as my issues with family members, by the time the six-month anniversary comes around in October I probably will not be cured. I know that this is something I need to continue in order to build up it's effect, regardless of how I felt much better. I know that coupled with counselling and therapy I will get better it will just maybe take a little bit longer. 

Struggling I took the decision after talking with the Bedfordshire Well-Being team and several of the staff there I ended the patronising group lessons and have since then been in vainly trying to find anywhere locally that will be able to see me at such a short period of time that are not grossly expensive is almost nigh on Impossible. After a long sit in the doctors waiting room last Saturday morning, I saw the doctor (a different one every time I have been I must admit) I expressed my concerns to the them who promptly told me that it was a difficult position to be in for everyone involved. On the one hand going to my GP and seeking medical attention for my mental health was and continually is a great step in making myself better. As a result of that directly I have been put on medication to treat and improve my "chemical mood", something in which I feel is benefiting me greatly. Whilst awaiting it be one-to-one counselling via the NHS, there is very little that anyone can actually offer that will be of any use or help. 

Whilst I appreciate that the NHS in England is definitely under a huge strain, it is fundamentally wrong and critically important to increase the waiting times to a better standard.The thing is, if I broke my leg on the other hand they would try to operate as soon as immediately possible, having me in and out of that specific treatment quickly and efficiently so as to move on to the next patient. And yet for mental health it appears as though there is a lack of understanding in terms of how life threatening and dangerous it is for patients to wait to seek treatment. As with a broken leg mental health can become infected very quickly and easily causing more and more damage, and yet despite all of this the waiting list in the UK, at least for England anyway, is minimum of eighteen months and two years. 

Whilst the medicine I am on made me feel queasy and nauseous in the beginning, that has now subsided and I am now left feeling quite positive and happy in myself and my life generally although this doesn't stop the pressure that I feel from loved ones and frankly it is becoming a little too much to bear sometimes. I know that people mean well and that in reality I am of the knowledge that I need to sort out these issues but first and foremost, I need to sort myself out. Trust me when I say that it is simply a long story that I may share with you another time, but for the meantime I am doing as well as can be and battling it through to make the best out of what I have. I have been in touch recently with a couple of charities local to Bedford, one of them called the Amicus Trust which have said that they are able to give me some help with free counselling sessions in order to work through my problems as quickly as possible so that life can get back on track. 

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx