Here we go a-fucking-gain

 Heyy Heyy, 

Another week and another blow to the system as the UK announces another lockdown. And just as Mr Warehouse and I had been released from our very own personal lockdown we go into another effing one! After being forced to announcing it rather prematurely on Saturday (31st October 2020). After starting with an apology for "disturbing your Saturday evening with more news of Covid" (not that any of us was doing anything bloody fun since you stole Halloween like Mariah Carey on a Christmas power trip) Boris Johnson continued in vain to assure the public that he wouldn’t have done it unless it was absolutely necessary - Or that his plans had been rumbled by the media, hence the rushed press conference and tired look upon his ageing face.

As people struggling in the last few months throughout the spring and summer thought that things might get a little better with the prospect of Christmas being a bit more "normal" it seems as though all of that hope has been well and truly stripped away. Bring on the brink of a mammoth mental health crisis, far greater than anything I have ever experienced before, it surely would be more important than ever to try and keep people from having to self isolate from friends, family and support networks. It would seem though that the government's previous efforts of "Hands, Face, Space" and the messy and confusing three-tier lockdown system introduced to mainly Northern cities and counties including Greater Manchester,  Liverpool and Nottingham. 

Whilst Nicola Sturgeon (controversially maybe) is ahead of the curve, the confusion grows in Scotland as they were due to move to a five-tier system of virus alert levels from Today (Monday 2nd November) which differs still in Wales as they started a national lockdown more serious than even Lockdown number 1 and over in Northern Ireland, its devolved government have also introduced additional restrictions including an extended two-week half term for schools to reduce the spread of the disease.

The fuzzy advice and guidance from our "leader", BoJo, stared late after being postponed several times throughout the afternoon. There were a few frights to be had with our prime Minister the Halloween announce a second national lockdown which will be imposed across England on Thursday (5th November 2020) with all non-essential shops, restaurants, pubs and leisure facilities to close for at least four weeks. Under the new regulations, which will be published later on in the week, The Guardian online confirms households will be banned from mixing indoors, with the exception of for childcare and other forms of support. Support bubbles will remain in place, and children will still be able to move between homes if their parents are separated.

The drama unravels to reveal escalated the country’s response to the pandemic with ministers explaining how “we must act now to contain this autumn surge”, with these measures due to remain in place until 2nd of December 2020 (although I will state now I am doubtful that this will be the case as we are simply kicking the inevitable can down the road to further mental health issues, financial crippling and unemployment).

Yet again people have been told to “stay at home” where possible (although what that means for me and my place of work who knows), but confusingly will be allowed to leave their homes for education including schools and universities and to the workplace if they cannot work from home. Just as the furlough scheme was set to end, covering 80% of the wages of workers who are temporarily laid off due to coronavirus, the much-needed scheme will remain in place and be extended throughout November, the prime minister said. 

Medical appointments, to shop for essential goods, and outdoor exercise will also be permitted but only with members of the same household or one person from another household in which you are bubbled. The Guardian online continued with the new restrictions as set out by the government that people will be allowed to leave home to care for vulnerable people, or to escape injury or harm. Whilst the restaurants, pubs and bars are all set to close from Wednesday night, takeaways and deliveries will continue to be allowed. 

The prime minister explained that along with the government he would seek to end the measures in early December, but went on to say the exit strategy from the regulations would vary according to the severity of the virus transmission rates in different areas of England - Ergoproving my earlier point of it not being a hard and fast ending because let's be fair, this virus will still be here to fuck us over on December 3rd?! Finishing off the bleak and dismal outlook, Boris Johnson said he said hoped "the measures could enable families to reunite over Christmas" and that whilst "Christmas is going to be different this year, perhaps very different it’s his sincere hope and belief that by taking tough action now we can allow families across the country to be together” something I am not holding my breath for considering the devastating blow the whole country has had to endure. 

The Office for National Statistics estimated that 568,100 people were infected with the virus in the week ending 23 October alone and with that statistic in mind, sitting here babysitting the nieces and nephews, I have no idea what the next week will entail, but what I do know is that yet again life will be turned on its head and I just hope I can find my way out of the avalanche of bullshit and crappiness. 

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx

An Amicus Curiae

Hello, 

Sat waiting for my appointment at the doctors Saturday morning I was I was anxious to say the least about what the doctor's and medical professionals would say. After my most recent appointment with them they had advised to continue my medication whilst I awaited an appointment where I can be seen through the NHS for counselling but this seems to be harder than you would have initially thought. 

After a few counselling sessions earlier on in my treatment process, I was unable to continue with them due to the high cost of the sessions themselves. They certainly helped but at £70.00 for an hour long session it was certainly not something I could afford right now or keep up, although that being said I was and still am eternally grateful for the help received. During those early therapy sessions, I finally opened up to the realisation that maybe medication is just what I needed at that point and with that I went to the doctors in order to get a quick fix. 

I'm sad and almost ashamed to admit that my work was suffering  and with a House move in the works I couldn't loose this job. As my social life dwindled also because of everything that was going on, I had, stupidly really, tried for the last few months (because the weeks of cloudiness beforehand had now turned into months) to not succumb to the need for medication in order to treat my mental health issues. Truth be told is that I needed a fairly instant result in improving my mood and therefore my performance, both at and away from my desk. The tablets used to make me feel quite queasy and nauseous most of the time but I knew they were good for me and what I needed would come soon. I needed, still do really, therapy and counselling and I need to talk about it, not medicate it away.

I have spoken before about how I was shocked that the doctor handed them out so easily, asking me very little questions about what is going on in my life to make me feel like this and how I am feeling. Unlike before there were no silly questionnaire about how depressed I am or the likeliness that I might top myself on a scale of one to ten.Every other time I have been to the doctors (not that there have been many, gosh makes me sound like a right nut case, but there have been a few occasions) there has always been a lengthy conversation about how I feel and how I have become to feel this way. Strangely I feel as though there should have been at least a little bit more push and pull. Then again maybe it was obvious and looking at my medical history it seemed the best thing for me. Initially when I went to the doctors in May of this year I was told that I will be placed on a waiting list for free counselling through the NHS and was told it would be roughly a three-month time slot from when I was referred. 

Obviously I continued with my therapy sessions and when they came to an end I went back to the doctor in order to have a check-up generally on the medication that I was on and it just so happened that it was coming up close to the three-month mark in July. I was told that it would probably be better if I went to speak to the Bedfordshire Well-Being team which were based outside of the doctors surgery and whilst part of the NHS were a different entity that could help. It was here that I learnt that it can be anywhere between eighteen-months and two-years. Certainly not the three-month time slot I was given when I first started back in April / May. 

After a meeting with a lady at the Bedfordshire Well-Being team, it was suggested by several mental health practitioners that I undertake what I thought was going to be a group therapy counselling session lasting 5 weeks. I thought that we all walk into the room sit down in a circle and say "Hi, my name is blah blah blah and I have a problem with abandonment issues particularly to do with my parents". Unfortunately this was far from the case and in actual fact it was a rather patronising lesson in what depression is and how it will make you feel. 
"No surprised that I have found it completely unhelpful as I am here because I have relapsed" I thought during my first two sessions. I am already my own well-being expert. I know the issues I have and ways I can slip back under the darkness. I already know how it feels to be depressed and I know what I need to do in order to get out. As narcissistic as it sounds I know what I am on about as I am already, at the grand old age of nearly 27, an expert of my own mental health issues.  

It was at this point that I spoke with the doctor and she confirmed that it would not be wise to stop medication and advised that in most circumstances medication is taken for a minimum of six-months, however with everything still quite unstable in my life in terms of my housing situation as well as my issues with family members, by the time the six-month anniversary comes around in October I probably will not be cured. I know that this is something I need to continue in order to build up it's effect, regardless of how I felt much better. I know that coupled with counselling and therapy I will get better it will just maybe take a little bit longer. 

Struggling I took the decision after talking with the Bedfordshire Well-Being team and several of the staff there I ended the patronising group lessons and have since then been in vainly trying to find anywhere locally that will be able to see me at such a short period of time that are not grossly expensive is almost nigh on Impossible. After a long sit in the doctors waiting room last Saturday morning, I saw the doctor (a different one every time I have been I must admit) I expressed my concerns to the them who promptly told me that it was a difficult position to be in for everyone involved. On the one hand going to my GP and seeking medical attention for my mental health was and continually is a great step in making myself better. As a result of that directly I have been put on medication to treat and improve my "chemical mood", something in which I feel is benefiting me greatly. Whilst awaiting it be one-to-one counselling via the NHS, there is very little that anyone can actually offer that will be of any use or help. 

Whilst I appreciate that the NHS in England is definitely under a huge strain, it is fundamentally wrong and critically important to increase the waiting times to a better standard.The thing is, if I broke my leg on the other hand they would try to operate as soon as immediately possible, having me in and out of that specific treatment quickly and efficiently so as to move on to the next patient. And yet for mental health it appears as though there is a lack of understanding in terms of how life threatening and dangerous it is for patients to wait to seek treatment. As with a broken leg mental health can become infected very quickly and easily causing more and more damage, and yet despite all of this the waiting list in the UK, at least for England anyway, is minimum of eighteen months and two years. 

Whilst the medicine I am on made me feel queasy and nauseous in the beginning, that has now subsided and I am now left feeling quite positive and happy in myself and my life generally although this doesn't stop the pressure that I feel from loved ones and frankly it is becoming a little too much to bear sometimes. I know that people mean well and that in reality I am of the knowledge that I need to sort out these issues but first and foremost, I need to sort myself out. Trust me when I say that it is simply a long story that I may share with you another time, but for the meantime I am doing as well as can be and battling it through to make the best out of what I have. I have been in touch recently with a couple of charities local to Bedford, one of them called the Amicus Trust which have said that they are able to give me some help with free counselling sessions in order to work through my problems as quickly as possible so that life can get back on track. 

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx