Where's my Xanax!

Hiya!

Have do you ever feel as if you just want to put the brakes on? When you just want to tell everything or everyone to stop. Freeze. A moment in time. I do and truth be told I have probably felt this way for a few weeks now. Since coming back from Ireland I feel as if everything has been on fast forward mode. Work is busy, so is my schedule to try and get slimmer for summer and my social life is hectic. On top of all of this I also have several big life events to contend with. My Grandfather passing away and his hastily approaching funeral and my best friend since being a small child emigrating are just the tip of the iceberg. 

Miss Tweedle-Dumb has been there through it all and to be honest there isn't anything that I think our friendship has not been through or tested by. In all fairness I am almost certain that some of those testing's probably came from me directly but I would not change our friendship or life together that we have shared since we first met in the sandpit of our Lower School. Me and Miss Tweedle-Dumb were the best of friends and when Miss Tweedle-Dee came along, every man and his dog were telling us all that it would never work out and "three's a crowd"! But through the decades we have always remained friends. Now of course there is sometimes a love/hate relationship as we all know what buttons to press and I think when asked individually, Miss Tweedle-Dumb, Miss Tweedle-Dee and I would be lying if we said that we didn't piss off each other at least mildly on the odd occasion. I think like most girls we are a little bit jealous or envious of each other, well, at least I know that I am, and on its own this could be a toxic combination. However when it is combined with a rock-solid strong friendship and a resilience that we share together, a little reminder to keep up with the Jones' is just whats required to keep our 'A' game. 

And maybe it is this that I am worried or scared of, that we have been friends for so long that I don't know what it is going to be like without all three of us together. Looking back on things, it was about two-decades (God I'm old) that we met, all the way back in the heady heights of late 90's scrunchies, A1 Posters and Jelly shoes! I suppose in a way it wasn't that long ago that I was having the same worries and fears that I was now about Miss Tweedle-Dumb moving to Basingstoke to be closer with her fiancee. There I was thinking that the whole world would Collide in on itself because my best friend moved a couple of hours down the road. And to think that whilst LA is nice and all, I would sooner her take a couple of hours drive down to the Anbil rather than boarding a plane for several hours. I just know I am going to miss her so much and that may be the fact she is emigrating and moving on with her new life in the sunshine state it just worries me that I wont be a part of it or her life anymore. 

Maybe a part of me feels that I am not in control despite not necessarily needing to have any control over anything. Take the funeral for example. With the funeral less than a fortnight away, I feel a heavy pressure to look a certain way, talk a certain way and act a certain way that it's all becoming a bit stressful. The fact that I am a fully fledged adult and know exactly how to act, what to wear and what to say is obviously beyond them, my Dad in particular. I know he means well and just does it as he maybe wants me to come across in the best way or to not mess up and embarrass either me or himself and the family, but sometimes it is just so overwhelming. I worry constantly every day about being judged. I am forever conscience of not upsetting someone or being inconsiderate or not saying or doing the right thing that its leaving me in an anxious mess. In the beginning it was only a fleeting thought that maybe, just maybe, whatever I did was never going to be good enough whereas now it is a constant reminder. 

I don't know, is this what anxiety feels like?! Constantly in a state of worry or concern? Always overthinking things? Is this why I feel the need to be in control? I am terrified that something will go wrong and that it will all be my fault. I am worried that the funeral wont go to plan and that I wont know what to do or say on the day itself, I'll just be in a snotty, teary kitchen-floor-reset state or that big or small, something will happen that will spoil the day for everyone. I have been told that I expect too much (from myself) and that I need not be so hard on myself when things don't go to plan, but I do and I don't know why. All I can hope is that everything is alright on the night and that when it really comes down to the crunch that I stay calm and collected. Now, wheres my Xanax!

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx

Cluck! Cluck!

Evening, 

Racing home from work I hurried to get ready. This was something I couldn't be late for. One of my new work colleagues (or not so new because lets be honest I have been working there for like six-months) is getting married in a matter of weeks and as an absolute surprise all the ladies in the office have got together to give her a right good old send off. I'm glad for it in all honesty since there was a time not so long ago that I felt a little left out on plans everyone made in the office. 

The Plan? Nice sit down meal with great food and then on for some cocktails after that. I have come to discover that this is somewhat a standard night out with my "new" work friends. Its definitely more sophisticated to what I was usually used to back when I used to work with Miss Hackney, Mr. CWG, Mr. Warehouse and Co. Usually we would start in The Rose, a Pub/Bar on the main High Street and then progress two-doors up to something not a lot classier. Same sticky floors I remembered in college gives me the comfort I need when the balls of your feet are stinging from the skyscrapers you decided were a good idea several hours ago. All of this would be topped off with some heavy flirting (And even some petting from others I as out with), dancing until the lights come on (Or we were kicked out) and a Subway for the short walk home. Oh how I missed those nights where I could pretend to be in my late teens again without a care in the world and with some f the best people on the planet I know. 

All of that seemed a world away as we sat down to our meal, Bride-to-Be surprised to the point of tears when she walked in to find us awaiting her. After the meal was finished we headed to the Cocktail Bar, loosing few faces along the way. The Auction Room is honest to god a slice of London's Soho brought to Bedford - Including the 'effing price too. I mean don't get me wrong, I love the sophisticated atmosphere and how grown up everyone is, but a little part of me knows that I will never have to sneak off for a tactical chunder whilst in there. Most of what cocktails are made of is good for you anyway right? Juices, fruit puree and fresh berries on top ... surely that has to count as one of your five-a-day?

Following an incident with some gentleman (if you can even call them that) the Hen Party and I decided to leave the pricey cocktail house. It would have appeared that when younger, sillier boys who are still in the WDK phases of nights out on the lash find a Hen Party they just can't help themselves. Tugging on our hair and yanking our sashes back that we were wearing with pride, these Dicks had no respect for women or for their last night (Or fort-night in this instance). It started I am sure, in a playful manner, not meant t annoy or offend. But it escalated quickly. After the fat chick (yes that's me I'm describing) tried to dance and flirt with them I thought it would put them off, all the other lads laughing 'cas chunky wanted a bit of the hot, young 'D'. Obviously not (Although in my head I am thinking "YES! Still got it!" when it was quite clear I never truly 'had it' in the first place)! I then tried protecting the Bride-to-Be and our Hen's with some serious awkward dancing. Nope - Still not working! And then, just as the rough play had gotten too much I decided to pull one of my last cards out of the bag ... The small willy Gag. Symbolizing the international sign for small wiener everywhere, I donned my pinkie-finger and began to action it towards what appeared to be the ring leader, again in attempt to ward off and embarrass him and his friends enough to piss off and stop harassing us like flies to shit. I wasn't to worry though for no sooner than the shocked faces and gaffaued laughter had exploded from the girls I was with it all broke down again, nearly ending with the Bride-to-Be in a punch-up of her own!

Heading for somewhere more reasonably priced it was the George & Dragon next which I kept referring to as D&G - Of which it was far from. Moments after stepping inside though I was faced with a dilemma that was all too familiar to me. After a tap on my shoulder I turned around, only to be greeted by Miss Hackney herself, along with  Miss Sugarcoat and a couple of other friends of theirs. I looked over to the bar and saw my new work colleagues, beckoning me over with the tempting liquor of a Screwdriver - A staple of my night out! Again I was face with the decision of staying with friends and good company (Not that the Hen Party was not of course) or stay loyal to my new work buddies and bid Miss Hackney and Miss Sugarcoat a farewell. 

OK making it way more emotional that it sounds right now, but at the time I had a lot to drink and I was certainly feeling it enough to make a few hastily typed messages to Miss Hackney and Miss Sugarcoat asking them where they had disappeared to and if it was even all real? Was it an epiphany that I had seen them whilst blind drunk on a Hen Do?! No it turned out it was real, just they had moved on to the next sticky-floored venue in town. Suffice to say that my Friday night was eventful and I am glad to say that I am happy to be a part of a group that enjoys a messy night out, even if it starts in a slightly classier way. 

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx

An Electrifying Discovery!

Morning Everyone, 

So after last weeks postings subjecting organ donation and life generally I feel like mine is being tested to the max right now. Since last week I have been dealing in some issues that very well might end whatever I have planned for the foreseeable future and may well break me financially. 

A few months ago I was told by my current Electricity and Gas provider, British Gas, that I was more than two-hundred quid in credit with them - Meaning I had money owed to me, and so being thrifty I thought that I would leave the money with them so as I could release it and use it to fund a holiday or some much needed cash-ola towards me getting my Motorbike licence. So you can imagine my surprise when I was to be told that not only am I not in credit at all, but I now owe them a outstanding debt of over two-thousand pounds!

It all started when I first moved into my little, town apartment in January 2014. I called the current supplier of energy, British Gas, and explained to them that I was looking to join as a new customer and after going through the hundred-and-one questions I was soon set up and registered with what is a renowned and well established company in the UK. In the first three months of that year I should have had a meter reading but was just simply put on an estimated bill instead roughly guessing what the my usage as a single gal in a one-bed flat could or would use. I awaited an appointment and an engineer to arrive but they never came. I set up and continued to pay my direct debits as instructed for a prearranged amount and did so with no hiccups until August that year when I was told via a letter I was paying far too much for my Gas and Electricity. With little or no explanation and already seeing I was well within a large credit note already I continued to pay with my smaller estimated bill. I asked for someone to come and either read my meter or to help me read it but again with no avail as I held out for yet again more appointments or engineer visits but with nothing happening I gave up. 

That was until I learnt from Martin Lewis of MoneySavingExpert.co.uk that you can actually leave your current energy supplier up to forty-nine days I think before your contract is to be renewed. So as I was approaching this crucial time I started looking into way I could release the money tied up with the energy company and close down my account ready to switch. But it was never to be that easy. I subsequently found out after a engineer finally came round to read my meter, after being told countless times that the reading I was giving was incorrect, that what I was reading was correct and in turn I had been underpaying for my electricity for months. Ever since I had moved in I had been put on an estimated billing allowance and instead of having meter readings at least twice a year I had none and as a roundabout result had an massive outstanding balance to pay. 

This has left me wondering now what to do. Not only has this situation left me wondering the work ethic and even the humanity of these energy companies but how I was able to get into such a position. As I had explained to the adviser, I would love to pull a massive wad of cash out of my arsehole but sadly my Daddy doesn't work in banking and I don't have any savings so the likelihood of this all getting resolved quickly is virtually none. It makes me sick to the stomach thinking about all of this and how it has now impacted my life. Two-grand may not be a lot to others but for me is a massive amount. I don't know how or even when I am going to be able to pay it all off and the stress of it all is sometimes unbearable. Holidays, Motorbikes, Thailand, Puppies and nice new flats are strictly off the menu until this debt has been cleared. But rest assured, I will not be going down without a fight. I feel wronged by, British Gas, and whilst I don't dispute the energy use and the probable bill, I feel that as a result of their lack in communication, poor customer service and complete lack of empathy I will have to fight this battle with everything that I have. Tomorrow I will be investigating further avenues on legal advice, consumer helplines such as Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB) and technical errors within the network to check if there are any faults with the wiring and finding out where and how I move forward from this horrendous debacle.

I am putting my case forward to some people who may be able to help me in the consumer/energy provider sector however I would be very much appreciated if anyone with the same or similar problems with this provider in particular could get in touch I would love to hear your stories, with or without closure. Get in touch the usual ways, through my Facebook and Twitter handles or simply message me back on here! 

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx