The Final Countdown!

Heyy, 

Sitting in the car, dressed in Mr. Warehouse's tracksuit jogging bottoms, hoodie and my Bailey Button UGGs, I felt I needed an excuse for my unusually relaxed Sunday afternoon attire. 'Think women, think' I said to myself as I racked my brain trying to think of a valid excuse for being so slobby on what was a beautiful day. 
"Sorry, Just got back from the Gym" I lied to my driving instructor. Don't know why I had to lie. He wouldn't have cared. I don't even own a Gym Membership let alone go to one. The closest I get to a gym is walking past on my way to a fast food outlet or another variant of a poor diet choice. Hmmm, Krispy Kreme! 

Nevertheless I started my driving lesson well, pulling off and out of the residential areas surrounding my little home without a hitch. I figured that since this was going to be my last lesson I would wear my so-called 'lucky' shoes and hopefully they would give me the confidence I was so lacking in my driving lessons of late. Heading towards the test centre my instructor reminded me that I would be taking a mock examination on yesterday's bright Sunday afternoon. Starting off with the general knowledge questions I was asked about tyre pressure amongst other things and on asking how I check it my mind decided to just go blank. 'Kick them - If they spring back then their full enough? No that cannot be the right answer. Feel them with your hands? Oh god, why don't I know this?' I thought to myself. 'I know that there is that thing at the petrol stations that beeps when you have reached full capacity but surely that's not the right answer?' I again pondered. With no other option I gave it my best shot. 
"Is it to feel it with your hands?" I said, knowing more so when it was said out loud was probably the worst response a testee has ever said. This was fully appreciated when my instructor repeated my ridiculous answer back to me. Expecting him to laugh out loud I waited patiently as he scribbled on the mock examination paperwork. 'Fuuuuuuuuuck'


Heart rate slightly increased, I started the engine of my dearest Beema and carried along the winding and bendy roads that ran throughout the heart of the Bedfordshire countryside. Carrying on through my mock test I managed all the roads including a busy dual carriageway, a three-point / turn in the road, a parallel park and even avoided what could have been a very serious crash. You see I was coming down a very narrow residential street that I have never encountered before and as I was approaching the end, already in first gear I slowed right down, more so for my own sake, being the first time I had taken that route before. Then, just before I was about to take the bend in question a green car came speeding round forcing me to slam on my breaks, stalling the car. Hands waving in the air and probably shouting obscenities, I ignored the arrogant driver that knew he was in the wrong and that obviously had been born without having to be a learner driver, for I cannot see any other reasoning for him acting in such an irrational and cock-chinned way to another fellow road user, especially given the speed he was going round the corner of a twenty-mile-an-hour zone. 

Regardless I continued and successfully drove back to the test centre, pulling up outside and awaited the inevitable fate that would be I failed. 'This is what it is going to feel like babe. This is the blissful innocence of a naive learner driver on the bare brink of her test. Revel from it and enjoy the fact that your in the middle of the countryside and surrounded by trees to hang yourself in when you fail' I pepped myself. Just FYI though I am not a mental health risk - No matter what my close friends and family may say! I am fully sane and can assure you I would not be honestly that devastated after failing miserably. I have a job to get to and a party that weekend. I am not going to kill myself. 

"So I am happy to tell you that you have passed your driving test - Albeit a mock" My driving instructor said.
"I'm sorry what?!" I exclaimed after a long silence ensued. 
"You've passed. But you had some faults ... " My driving instructor said again for the second time, continuing this time to explain where I went wrong. I was sort of listening, but sort of not. I knew where I had fucked up on. A roundabout I had messed up my signalling on and a tad lack of lane discipline on roundabouts but other than that I had passed. I was happy. Very happy. Beaming with pride I drove the circuit once more and prayed I would have it again for my actual test, although with more than eleven more test routes the examiner could take me I am not holding my hopes too high. Ending my final lesson I took a moment to think if there was anything I wanted to ask my driving instructor. 'To think that the next time you sit in this car it will be for your actual fo' sho' driving test with a real examiner and a real outcome that will literally change my entire life as I know it.' I thought, and as surreal as that was I bid my driving instructor a farewell as hoped I would not have to see him after Thursday. 

As I walked home from where I had parked at the end of my street, I could feel my face cracking in half with the strain of my mock-passed-driving-test induced smile. I showed Mr. Warehouse and he jumped up with joy, giving me a big cuddle all in the knowledge that he knew just how anxious and unprepared I felt less than a few hours before. But as I sit here today now, with less than two days, eleven hours and thirty-something minutes before I take my actual real life driving test I feel lots more confident and gladly it is confidence and not my normal cockiness or arrogance that usually surrounds anything else I do. Hopefully I pass first time as I did on my mock, but as ever I am knowledgable that I am a human and I cannot predict what will happen on the day. Hopefully I have a nice examiner and he is in a good mood, or she, and is laid the night before so they are nice and relaxed and like to pass little girls who are somewhat OK at driving. 

Hopefully this time next week I can not only report on my passing but also on my party and all the birthday fun I have been up to. Ahh yes, next week will be very busy indeed. 

 'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx

The Final Countdown!

Heyy, 

Sitting in the car, dressed in Mr. Warehouse's tracksuit jogging bottoms, hoodie and my Bailey Button UGGs, I felt I needed an excuse for my unusually relaxed Sunday afternoon attire. 'Think women, think' I said to myself as I racked my brain trying to think of a valid excuse for being so slobby on what was a beautiful day. 
"Sorry, Just got back from the Gym" I lied to my driving instructor. Don't know why I had to lie. He wouldn't have cared. I don't even own a Gym Membership let alone go to one. The closest I get to a gym is walking past on my way to a fast food outlet or another variant of a poor diet choice. Hmmm, Krispy Kreme! 

Nevertheless I started my driving lesson well, pulling off and out of the residential areas surrounding my little home without a hitch. I figured that since this was going to be my last lesson I would wear my so-called 'lucky' shoes and hopefully they would give me the confidence I was so lacking in my driving lessons of late. Heading towards the test centre my instructor reminded me that I would be taking a mock examination on yesterday's bright Sunday afternoon. Starting off with the general knowledge questions I was asked about tyre pressure amongst other things and on asking how I check it my mind decided to just go blank. 'Kick them - If they spring back then their full enough? No that cannot be the right answer. Feel them with your hands? Oh god, why don't I know this?' I thought to myself. 'I know that there is that thing at the petrol stations that beeps when you have reached full capacity but surely that's not the right answer?' I again pondered. With no other option I gave it my best shot. 
"Is it to feel it with your hands?" I said, knowing more so when it was said out loud was probably the worst response a testee has ever said. This was fully appreciated when my instructor repeated my ridiculous answer back to me. Expecting him to laugh out loud I waited patiently as he scribbled on the mock examination paperwork. 'Fuuuuuuuuuck'


Heart rate slightly increased, I started the engine of my dearest Beema and carried along the winding and bendy roads that ran throughout the heart of the Bedfordshire countryside. Carrying on through my mock test I managed all the roads including a busy dual carriageway, a three-point / turn in the road, a parallel park and even avoided what could have been a very serious crash. You see I was coming down a very narrow residential street that I have never encountered before and as I was approaching the end, already in first gear I slowed right down, more so for my own sake, being the first time I had taken that route before. Then, just before I was about to take the bend in question a green car came speeding round forcing me to slam on my breaks, stalling the car. Hands waving in the air and probably shouting obscenities, I ignored the arrogant driver that knew he was in the wrong and that obviously had been born without having to be a learner driver, for I cannot see any other reasoning for him acting in such an irrational and cock-chinned way to another fellow road user, especially given the speed he was going round the corner of a twenty-mile-an-hour zone. 

Regardless I continued and successfully drove back to the test centre, pulling up outside and awaited the inevitable fate that would be I failed. 'This is what it is going to feel like babe. This is the blissful innocence of a naive learner driver on the bare brink of her test. Revel from it and enjoy the fact that your in the middle of the countryside and surrounded by trees to hang yourself in when you fail' I pepped myself. Just FYI though I am not a mental health risk - No matter what my close friends and family may say! I am fully sane and can assure you I would not be honestly that devastated after failing miserably. I have a job to get to and a party that weekend. I am not going to kill myself. 

"So I am happy to tell you that you have passed your driving test - Albeit a mock" My driving instructor said.
"I'm sorry what?!" I exclaimed after a long silence ensued. 
"You've passed. But you had some faults ... " My driving instructor said again for the second time, continuing this time to explain where I went wrong. I was sort of listening, but sort of not. I knew where I had fucked up on. A roundabout I had messed up my signalling on and a tad lack of lane discipline on roundabouts but other than that I had passed. I was happy. Very happy. Beaming with pride I drove the circuit once more and prayed I would have it again for my actual test, although with more than eleven more test routes the examiner could take me I am not holding my hopes too high. Ending my final lesson I took a moment to think if there was anything I wanted to ask my driving instructor. 'To think that the next time you sit in this car it will be for your actual fo' sho' driving test with a real examiner and a real outcome that will literally change my entire life as I know it.' I thought, and as surreal as that was I bid my driving instructor a farewell as hoped I would not have to see him after Thursday. 

As I walked home from where I had parked at the end of my street, I could feel my face cracking in half with the strain of my mock-passed-driving-test induced smile. I showed Mr. Warehouse and he jumped up with joy, giving me a big cuddle all in the knowledge that he knew just how anxious and unprepared I felt less than a few hours before. But as I sit here today now, with less than two days, eleven hours and thirty-something minutes before I take my actual real life driving test I feel lots more confident and gladly it is confidence and not my normal cockiness or arrogance that usually surrounds anything else I do. Hopefully I pass first time as I did on my mock, but as ever I am knowledgable that I am a human and I cannot predict what will happen on the day. Hopefully I have a nice examiner and he is in a good mood, or she, and is laid the night before so they are nice and relaxed and like to pass little girls who are somewhat OK at driving. 

Hopefully this time next week I can not only report on my passing but also on my party and all the birthday fun I have been up to. Ahh yes, next week will be very busy indeed. 

 'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx

An Uphill Struggle!

Hello Dears!

So last week was a bit of a bummer and after a few more straws being added to the already dead horse, most of them being today, I am feeling more and more distanced from some of my work colleagues. With most of the office now in the knowledge that I was considering applying, not taking the role I might add - Just considering, I feel slightly talked about. Nevertheless, there are bigger, better and more important things in my life than them and their silly lives that I should focus my time and attention on. Ergo, not another breath or character shall be wasted.

Alas, this time last week I was still naive to the fact that my Driving Theory Test was going to be harder than expected. A strange mix of nerves and confidence simmered away all day in a consistent revision marathon combining quick-fire questions over a cuppa to hardcore hazard perception and knowledgeable facts of the road, all before it came time to face the music (or lack of shall I say). 

Building myself up, my Work-Dad dropped me off in Milton Keynes before going off to see some friends for dinner. Going into the pub for a quick coffee to stimulate me I went over some last revision questions on my App. Walking round the corner and into the Pearson Test Centre was nerve-shattering.  Placing my items into a locker and registering was scary. The women behind the desk had a kind face but looked very unforgiving. Handing over my provisional licence and confirming some details I could feel the nerves trying to take over. It was a struggle just to stay still. Finally going through to the holding room I was greeted by an older lady, although very much kinder and sweeter, complimenting me on my weight loss since the photo on my driving licence was over four years old and was taken when I weighed close to twenty-stone, about two-hundred and eighty pounds. reassuring me and instilling some confidence in me lost through the nerves she ushered me into a very quiet room with lots of computers and explained I should be seated and continue through the questions. 

Cautiously clicking my way through the fifty questions I had discovered a few I was unfamiliar with but pushed whatever negative thoughts away to the back of my head and concentrated harder than I have ever done in my whole entire life. This was a big deal. I could not walk back into the office tomorrow (despite how much I was hating on the inhabitants at the time) only to report that I had failed. I needed to win! Finishing the questions, next up was the hazard perception videos and sure enough, fourteen clips later I was ready to leave. 

Collecting my things and heading straight into Milton Keynes City Centre I was excited to see my results. Practically running all the way to meet The Tweedles for dinner I thought of all the possibilities this letter could bring. I could go away on shopping trips by myself and explore places no-one else would find fascinating but me. Mr. Warehouse, Puppy and I could go on long weekends camping in Yurts and Teepee's. My Tweedles and I could go for day trips to fun places and explore summery canals and countrysides. Not peaking at all until I was with Miss Tweedle-Dumb and Miss Tweedle-Dee in a car park opposite Jamies Italian and, with Mr. Warehouse on speaker-phone I opened the envelope. Heart pounding, my palms still sweating and my mouth still as dry as the Sahara my eyes flicked to one word on the piece of paper. Failed. 

Gutted I read out the reasonings as to my failed test results. I had scrapped by on my fifty questions, but it was my hazard perception that has let me down - The one thing I felt in the test confident about! By only one mark I had failed. What made it worse is that because it was hazard perception had flunked on I had only missed passing by maybe a second or two. You see the hazard perception is a combination of fourteen video clips where a road scene is depicted. Throughout the course of the minute or so clip a hazard will appear and you have five seconds to spot it. When there is a hazard that may alter how you would need to react as the driver, that's when you are supposed to click and you are scored five to zero on your reaction time to the hazard, five being the highest per clip. So when I know that the only reason I failed was because I was not fast enough it was certainly a sore point and like a bear with a sore head I was in a foul mood for the rest of the evening. 

Feeling aweful following my failed attempt at my Driving Theory Test, I booked it again for this coming Saturday and I am preparing for a battle against nerves for I know I can do it this time, I just need to take back the wheel from the anxiety and apprehension, tackling the questions and the hazard perception head on! My failure left me feeling pretty crap to be honest but after a comfy morning with Mr. Warehouse and some Puppy cuddles in bed I was flustered and on edge for my first driving lesson. Finally settling on the company Bill Plant I was pleasantly surprised with my instructor as he was older as I expected and very dry in humour. With an odd smell about him but a comforting back story and firm but fair teaching ethic I was very happy with my choice of instructor and can easily see myself passing with him.  

Sitting in the driving seat of a brand spanking new shiny Black BMW 3 series estate I was more than comfortable. I felt relaxed and at ease. Setting off from where we had be stationary I learnt quickly the biting point of the clutch and how to change gears quickly and efficiently. Pulling off, braking and checking my mirrors (Oh Jesus Christ, checking those mirrors) I need improvements on but all in all it was a very good lesson. I enjoyed it one hell of a lot more than I expected. I only stalled once and by the end of the two hour lesson I was getting better still at clutch control and changing gears which, in my head at least, made me something along the lines of that Spanish chick from The Fast and Furious Collection - Rodriguez someone?! Yeah her! Totally not her though, especially when I take corners too wide and nearly put my instructor through the window when I brake! Nevertheless I went on real roads and tackled real cars. Am I ready for F1, I doubt it ... But I cannot wait for my next lesson! Just gotta pass that Driving Theory Test!

Wish me luck!

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx