The Final Countdown!

Heyy, 

Sitting in the car, dressed in Mr. Warehouse's tracksuit jogging bottoms, hoodie and my Bailey Button UGGs, I felt I needed an excuse for my unusually relaxed Sunday afternoon attire. 'Think women, think' I said to myself as I racked my brain trying to think of a valid excuse for being so slobby on what was a beautiful day. 
"Sorry, Just got back from the Gym" I lied to my driving instructor. Don't know why I had to lie. He wouldn't have cared. I don't even own a Gym Membership let alone go to one. The closest I get to a gym is walking past on my way to a fast food outlet or another variant of a poor diet choice. Hmmm, Krispy Kreme! 

Nevertheless I started my driving lesson well, pulling off and out of the residential areas surrounding my little home without a hitch. I figured that since this was going to be my last lesson I would wear my so-called 'lucky' shoes and hopefully they would give me the confidence I was so lacking in my driving lessons of late. Heading towards the test centre my instructor reminded me that I would be taking a mock examination on yesterday's bright Sunday afternoon. Starting off with the general knowledge questions I was asked about tyre pressure amongst other things and on asking how I check it my mind decided to just go blank. 'Kick them - If they spring back then their full enough? No that cannot be the right answer. Feel them with your hands? Oh god, why don't I know this?' I thought to myself. 'I know that there is that thing at the petrol stations that beeps when you have reached full capacity but surely that's not the right answer?' I again pondered. With no other option I gave it my best shot. 
"Is it to feel it with your hands?" I said, knowing more so when it was said out loud was probably the worst response a testee has ever said. This was fully appreciated when my instructor repeated my ridiculous answer back to me. Expecting him to laugh out loud I waited patiently as he scribbled on the mock examination paperwork. 'Fuuuuuuuuuck'


Heart rate slightly increased, I started the engine of my dearest Beema and carried along the winding and bendy roads that ran throughout the heart of the Bedfordshire countryside. Carrying on through my mock test I managed all the roads including a busy dual carriageway, a three-point / turn in the road, a parallel park and even avoided what could have been a very serious crash. You see I was coming down a very narrow residential street that I have never encountered before and as I was approaching the end, already in first gear I slowed right down, more so for my own sake, being the first time I had taken that route before. Then, just before I was about to take the bend in question a green car came speeding round forcing me to slam on my breaks, stalling the car. Hands waving in the air and probably shouting obscenities, I ignored the arrogant driver that knew he was in the wrong and that obviously had been born without having to be a learner driver, for I cannot see any other reasoning for him acting in such an irrational and cock-chinned way to another fellow road user, especially given the speed he was going round the corner of a twenty-mile-an-hour zone. 

Regardless I continued and successfully drove back to the test centre, pulling up outside and awaited the inevitable fate that would be I failed. 'This is what it is going to feel like babe. This is the blissful innocence of a naive learner driver on the bare brink of her test. Revel from it and enjoy the fact that your in the middle of the countryside and surrounded by trees to hang yourself in when you fail' I pepped myself. Just FYI though I am not a mental health risk - No matter what my close friends and family may say! I am fully sane and can assure you I would not be honestly that devastated after failing miserably. I have a job to get to and a party that weekend. I am not going to kill myself. 

"So I am happy to tell you that you have passed your driving test - Albeit a mock" My driving instructor said.
"I'm sorry what?!" I exclaimed after a long silence ensued. 
"You've passed. But you had some faults ... " My driving instructor said again for the second time, continuing this time to explain where I went wrong. I was sort of listening, but sort of not. I knew where I had fucked up on. A roundabout I had messed up my signalling on and a tad lack of lane discipline on roundabouts but other than that I had passed. I was happy. Very happy. Beaming with pride I drove the circuit once more and prayed I would have it again for my actual test, although with more than eleven more test routes the examiner could take me I am not holding my hopes too high. Ending my final lesson I took a moment to think if there was anything I wanted to ask my driving instructor. 'To think that the next time you sit in this car it will be for your actual fo' sho' driving test with a real examiner and a real outcome that will literally change my entire life as I know it.' I thought, and as surreal as that was I bid my driving instructor a farewell as hoped I would not have to see him after Thursday. 

As I walked home from where I had parked at the end of my street, I could feel my face cracking in half with the strain of my mock-passed-driving-test induced smile. I showed Mr. Warehouse and he jumped up with joy, giving me a big cuddle all in the knowledge that he knew just how anxious and unprepared I felt less than a few hours before. But as I sit here today now, with less than two days, eleven hours and thirty-something minutes before I take my actual real life driving test I feel lots more confident and gladly it is confidence and not my normal cockiness or arrogance that usually surrounds anything else I do. Hopefully I pass first time as I did on my mock, but as ever I am knowledgable that I am a human and I cannot predict what will happen on the day. Hopefully I have a nice examiner and he is in a good mood, or she, and is laid the night before so they are nice and relaxed and like to pass little girls who are somewhat OK at driving. 

Hopefully this time next week I can not only report on my passing but also on my party and all the birthday fun I have been up to. Ahh yes, next week will be very busy indeed. 

 'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx