Uppers and Downers!

Hey Hey, 

I thought that my week would never end. I'm trying to remember the last time that I had a week like that and truth be told I am glad that it is over. Stressed up to my eyeballs I was trying to juggle everything from buying a new home, work and attempting not to have a mental breakdown. Unfortunately, as with most things at the moment I fail in every direction. I think that I have really struggled this week both emotionally and physically with some of the challenges I have faced and all of that is certainly not easy when you are trying to battle depression to get back to the person you once was. 

Therapy this week was interesting to say the least and there was certainly a little bit more back and forth with my counsellor. Whilst my place of work have been amazing I acknowledge that it may be some time before I am right as rain again. I know that I have good days and bad days, however those of you that have suffered mental illness such as anxiety or depression will know just how well we are in "faking it til we make it" or just papering over cracks. I am sure that my therapy sessions will get worse in terms of me exploring more about why I feel like I do but I am willing to try anything right now. I know that I just need to focus and concentrate hard on what matters and soon everything will fall into place and get better. 

Although saying that, I have yet to tell my Landlord that my beautiful little flat, with its kitchen floor is beautifully covered in light grey wood effect vinyl, as is our newly lilac painted, white tiled bathroom is soon to be no longer called home for me and Mr Warehouse. After receiving a Mortgage In Principle / MIP a couple of weeks ago and reserving a property off plan last week the ball was certainly on a roll. With everything being so quick it wasn't long before we had our Approval In Principle / AIP. This is pretty much our next step in owning our own home and in basic terms means that the lender is accepting of our circumstances and will lend us the money for our home. 

The next stressful thing in the long chain of events before we move in is to instruct a solicitor. The problem is that everyone is quoting something different. I have admittedly gone overboard in terms of asking every man and his dog for a quote. After going down the road of emailing every single person and company that could possibly give us a quote, I sifted through the sixty or seventy quotes in my email inbox and whittled it down to about ten. But weeding through them again and again I soon noticed that there were charges for things that I would have expected to be included, one of which being charged upwards of £30 just to transfer money from my bank account into their bank account and back out again. Some of the quotes were fairly reasonable however some ranged even into the couple of thousands and beyond. A ridiculous amount when you think about the effort that they actually put in, copying and pasting your name and other details onto an already drafted letter or email. All a solicitor is there to do basically to check that you have completed all your paperwork correctly. As if I don't hate scrutiny combined with constructive and corrective criticism enough, now I have the joyous task of having to pay for it. 

To be fair I think we have found a solicitor in the local area that will not rip us off or charges for every phone call, email, text or letter. Hopefully with our Approval In Principle / AIP ticking along nicely and with our estate agents working it hard to get together a pack for the housing association it wont be long before we have got our keys! Still makes me anxious to know that essentially we have bought semi-off-plan. As explained last week, this means that we are going to be the first people to ever live in this house. On the one hand I like the idea of being the first people within a new home, however I have always falling in love with a property or building for the fact of its history including the people that lived in it and the what the walls could say about them. All the arguments, laughter and silly moments that are captured within the shear structure of a building add to its appeal for me. I know for a fact that Mr Warehouse thinks this is all a load of Tosh. I am sure that it will not take long for Mr Warehouse and I to fill our new home with laughter and happiness ... Fingers crossed at least!

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx

Building The Yellow Brick Road!

Hello Everybody, 

Isn't it always sods law or otherwise known as Murphy's Law when you have organised and have everything in order ready to go only to find out that actually it was pretty pointless. Well that seems to be the story of my life at the moment. And so as the work starts to get under way in the flat, the kitchen floor is beautifully covered in light grey wood effect vinyl, as is our newly lilac painted, white tiled bathroom. The bare minimum has been done with what was originally discussed and needed doing, and to be fair there is quite a bit left to do in terms of bringing the flat up to standard. Although this may all be completely unnecessary waste of time for mine and Mr Warehouse's benefit. 

As I spoke of last week, maybe with the constant reminder of how crappy our situation is in terms of not having the capacity to just do it ourselves and get it fixed or how we want it without having the worry of workmen coming in and out as they please may worked its magic. After receiving a Mortgage In Principle / MIP last week and with it now in hand I looked no further and immediately spent the rest of my lunch break calling up estate agents and housing associations looking for any properties that might be within our budget. Mr Warehouse and I have seen a couple of properties and as frustrating as it was to let go of some beautiful homes, we knew that we would find something eventually. After a couple of phone calls with a local estate agent I was, along with Mr Warehouse, invited into their offices for a chat. In the hour long conversation and chit chat that we had with the estate agent he gave us the confidence that maybe we could get our home one day. 

I think the only downside that there is at the moment is the fact that we are buying a property off plan. This means that we are going to be the first people to ever live in this house. On entering I know that it will be cold and clinical however it will not take long for us to fill it with love, laughter and warmth. On the one hand I like the idea of being the first people within a new home, however I have always falling in love with a property or building for the fact of its history including the people that lived in it and the what the walls could say about them. All the arguments, laughter and silly moments that are captured within the shear structure of a building add to its appeal for me. I know for a fact that Mr Warehouse thinks this is all a load of Tosh. 

Now it has not been fully confirmed yet that we can buy as our mortgage adviser is in contact with the estate agent to discuss the finer details, but one thing is for certain and that is that there appears to be a silver lining to be otherwise cloud that hangs over me. Over the last couple of weeks I have felt slightly more sunnier and I am solely holding the housing situation as fully responsible for making me smile more. I am certainly not back to the happy-go-lucky laughing and joking self, but in time I know I can be. Getting a Mortgage In Principle is a big deal in itself and I know that given this good news it can hopefully only get better. 

Whilst it certainly won't make up for some of the other issues that I have going on in my life at the moment I really think and hope that my counselling sessions starting this week will make me feel all the more better. My place of work has been amazing and I cannot thank them enough for the effort and support they have given me. I had attempted to go through the normal avenues of the my GP and the NHS but I am still awaiting on a doctor's appointment to confirm my mental health instability and what I basically already know as a mild depression. I suppose that it must be difficult for those of you reading that know me quite well. Mental illness is something that I have always prided myself on hiding and trying my best to mask over, although it would appear on this occasion I have not been doing so well hiding it. I know that I have good days and bad days, however those of you that have suffered mental illness such as anxiety or depression will know just how well we are in "faking it til we make it" or just papering over the awkward questions about how I'm feeling or how things are going. We're quite good liars I'll have you know. 

I really think that therapy will help me as it did last time. I just need to focus and concentrate hard on me and not others, taking everything just one step at a time so I can learn how to deal with certain things, life events and more--so the people around me. With my mood cloudy and stormy of late and certainly not feeling myself at all, the good news that I have been striving hard for may have potentially paid off. 

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx