Heyy All,
Another Bank Holiday in the UK rules around and yet more of our DIY and general redecoration of our small flat gets postponed. I swear that by the time that we end up getting around to doing something it will probably be time to move into our own home. Finger Crossed 'eh?! As last week I explained that our Landlord, whilst slightly slow at getting anything of necessity done quickly is now in the process of remodelling a kitchen and bathroom so that we have brand new tiles and flooring. With the renovation works due to start next week I am slightly putting off our plans to paint, decorate and generally get on with our own little projects. It seems as though I endlessly talked about the fact that I am nowhere near owning my own home anytime soon and it is a subject matter that most of my friends outside of work also are struggling with due to the fact that there is very little affordable housing being built and what is in existence is very far and few between and hardly affordable when the average wage is in the region of £22,500 per annum. Whilst I spoke of last week about our fifty-something-year-old parents reaping the benefits of having plentiful and affordable housing, a lower cost of living and stable employment with good earning potential I can become frustrated and angry at my situation as I know that there is absolutely no way that I know anyone around me or in fact that of government or higher powers can change anything and the latter to have at the very least made the situation worse.
This coupled with how low and upset I have been feeling over the last few weeks I have sought to find some help in the form of a therapist or counselling. In general my mood has not been great and if anything I have felt extremely cloudy probably since the funeral or maybe even beforehand, what with stress masking my true feelings. I really have not been feeling myself at all lately. I don't feel as sunshine-y anymore and instead I find myself a bit lost all round. I am worried about how quickly this has all come about and as a result I am not waiting for doctor's for a appointment in order to diagnose me with what I think I already have. Depression. Not going to lie I am able to fully function with this going on in the background and I know that there will be the light at the end of the tunnel soon, but Depression is taking away every little bit of happiness or joy that I have left in my life I feel at the moment and I know that it is me and only me that can help get out of the Black Hole I find myself in.
On it's own any of the issues that I spoke about last week would be probably something I could handle fairly well normally, however, I don't suppose that having several massive life-changing events happening all within a couple of months is ever going to be easy to both process and deal with on top of normal day to day life. I know what it feels like and I have been here before, a few times at least. I don't want to seem so blase, but I know that this is just a phase of sorts and that the clouds will soon pass making way for my true self to blossom once again, brightening your days, making you laugh and even cracking a joke or two.
I know not to throw the word depression around like it is nothing. It is. Somehow breaking your leg and clearly having it in plaster makes it easier for people to talk about a illness or injury, but with disorders such as anxiety, depression and other mentally debilitating conditions it is not so easy. You have those that care and ask how you are everyday obviously wanting to hear that you are doing well. But then there are others that don't quite understand just how difficult it is. These types of people will not understand and simply asked you to pull yourself together or to pick yourself up and get on with it. Phrases like this anger me no end as if that was as easy as you are saying then I would simply not be where I am now and comments like this to people suffering from mental illness are detrimentally dangerous to their recovery, infecting the brain with all sorts of thoughts that are unnecessary and unwanted for someone that simply needs your love and support in what can be a very scary and lonely time in their life.
I really think that therapy and counselling will help me as it did last time. I just need to really try and immerse myself in things that made me happy before. Spending time with friends and with family always help improve my mood and lift my spirit when I am down. Talking to someone about the grief and hurt that I have been through the last few weeks and months especially can only help. And who knows what's around the corner maybe I'll have a big Lotto win and be able to have the cars, holidays and house I have always dreamt of.
'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx
Showing posts with label Buying. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Buying. Show all posts
Monday, 28 May 2018
Monday, 16 November 2015
The Premature Christmas Ejaculate Post!
Hello Dears,
Christmas is always a stress most years and always full of important questions that need answering. Who do we visit on what days, when do we serve turkey dinner, has Grandma had enough to drink yet and why is Auntie Rosie bringing her new boyfriend of six-days along to the festivities (He hasn't even got a job or brought me a present). But this year, unlike others where I have had to buy presents for people that are slightly more older than Thomas the Tank Engine and Peppa Pig. I have had to buy presents for little people and with little or no guidance. I mean yes obviously I have had three little boys to buy for, although they are not so little now and are probably expecting an Xbox or PlayStation from their big cousin rather than the usual pyjamas or a cosy hoodie. They were easy. I didn't really have to somewhat impress their parents because we were all family and like it or not tough shit we're all related so there is no real getting out of it. But this year it matters ...
Now I haven't gone overboard on the whole present buying this year. Well OK maybe I have, spending more than double what I did this year on almost the same amount of people. Although there are a few people whose presents are costing more, but I feel that when there little fat faces light up on Christmas morning, it will all be worth it in the end - Especially what I have planned!
Every year I seem to go over the top not only on spending but also on the excitement levels and whilst normally I can hold out until late November in regards to the excitement levels I have already peaked I feel and the Coca-Cola Lorry hasn't even arrived yet! I think this year, because (obviously) I know what all my loved ones are getting from me I am already excited with the prospect of them opening what will be a wonderful present (if I do say so myself) but also because when you are as thoughtful and as bored on your commute as I am you Internet shop your orders from far an wide. I know that pretty much from end of October, up until a couple of days before the big day there will be post for me every single day. The post lady used to love me at work and always used to say that if I carried on I would be charged a handling fee. Luckily for me that's now my duties in the office so I have the luxury of collecting my own parcels of loveliness.
And that is the other thing! I love on-line shopping because not only do you have the thrill of trying to outbid "TonyKitKat1978" for a vintage Alice in Wonderland Teacup and Saucer Set on eBay, but you then have the excitement of it arriving a few days later and un-packaging it, only to re-wrap it in an equally vintage fashioned paper and big bow, ready to see the Christmas Fairy's face when she opens it and it blows her mind at how good you are for buying presents. FYI- that Alice in Wonderland Teacup and Saucer Set is actually on my Christmas List so if you wanna treat me at this special time of year then do so - Many thanks!
What I have also realised is just how much children's toys are!? I mean seriously?! Twenty or thirty quid seems a bit much but manageable for a small person who may play with it a number of times but as I walked past the shelves I saw forties, fifties, sixties, seventies. I mean why on gods given earth with all its trees to climb, lakes to push water-phobic friends into and fields to run around in would you buy little Danny, the jumped up four-year old pre-teen from Solihull already shoplifting from the local Nisa, a overly priced piece of plastic in the shape of Superman, Starwars or Spongebob Squarepants. All that was about when I walked into a local store last week was toys, toys, toys! Oh and more toys! And whilst it was mostly non-educational junk for boys centred around fighting, cars, army, robots or a TV/Film character; The girls section was far worse than I imagined it to be.
Row after row after row of pink this and flowers that. It made me wanna be sick and I had a vagina! All the little girls toys were about was playing dress-up, being pretty, caring for animals, cleaning and cooking and pretending to do everything a little 1950's housewife would do. There were plenty of pretty dresses and princess costumes but hardly any doctors, vets, lawyers or teachers pretend dress-up. I felt sorry for the youth of today, constantly having their mothers, sisters and aunties drip fed this crap about having to be a girl and do this and do that, to find a man, do the washing and learn to make a sandwich. It was wrong. Girls should be able to do whatever they like and so should little boys. Does anyone really care if little Matilda wanted a science set and a lab coat for her Christmas present rather than My Little Pony Shits-alot! Why? I just don't get it? Maybe it is because I haven't had my own little darlings yet and when I do I will pay the price for a light up Disney Princess Sing-along and scream doll for £89.95 just to keep up with The Jones and to keep her quiet on Christmas day. I mean what ever happened to a couple of books and a orange in the stocking?
When I was little I am glad to say that the Internet was a baby itself and technology as I know it at twenty-four was not in dreams yet let alone existence. This forced me into the sublime serenity of my childhood bedroom where I would spend whole weekends playing in my dolls house creating dramatic scenes that even Eastenders would find challenging. I would also be found in the summer months making mud pies out of dirt and grass with the desperate effort to make my little brother eat them. A few times he did, but then I was told not to make mud pies again. I still made mud pies I just flung them at my lil' bro instead. I had a crystal making set when I was old enough and I have fond memoirs of me and my Daddy trying against all odds to make salt and sugar crystals, coming down every Sunday morning to check if anything had grown.
This is what shaped me and I find it so sad now-days when kids just want to sit and watch a TV show or play a game on a games console or tablet rather than go outdoors and play and imagine. I sometimes wonder what it will do to them socially. In years to come will we just be expected to WhatsApp and Facetime rather than actually meet up. Will people, grown-ups, children, not have the imagination I had as a child? This makes me sad. Which means that I refuse to buy anything nonsensical for the children on my Christmas shopping list. My own children one day will not be Amish, they will have mod-cons such as games consoles, computers and smartphones (when they are old enough) but they will be limited, as will TV. I will allow their minds to be broadened by themselves, to explore, to have adventures and that at the end of the day when I snuggle them up in bed they can tell me the story that even I wouldn't be so crazy as to dream up ...
'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx
Christmas is always a stress most years and always full of important questions that need answering. Who do we visit on what days, when do we serve turkey dinner, has Grandma had enough to drink yet and why is Auntie Rosie bringing her new boyfriend of six-days along to the festivities (He hasn't even got a job or brought me a present). But this year, unlike others where I have had to buy presents for people that are slightly more older than Thomas the Tank Engine and Peppa Pig. I have had to buy presents for little people and with little or no guidance. I mean yes obviously I have had three little boys to buy for, although they are not so little now and are probably expecting an Xbox or PlayStation from their big cousin rather than the usual pyjamas or a cosy hoodie. They were easy. I didn't really have to somewhat impress their parents because we were all family and like it or not tough shit we're all related so there is no real getting out of it. But this year it matters ...
Now I haven't gone overboard on the whole present buying this year. Well OK maybe I have, spending more than double what I did this year on almost the same amount of people. Although there are a few people whose presents are costing more, but I feel that when there little fat faces light up on Christmas morning, it will all be worth it in the end - Especially what I have planned!
Every year I seem to go over the top not only on spending but also on the excitement levels and whilst normally I can hold out until late November in regards to the excitement levels I have already peaked I feel and the Coca-Cola Lorry hasn't even arrived yet! I think this year, because (obviously) I know what all my loved ones are getting from me I am already excited with the prospect of them opening what will be a wonderful present (if I do say so myself) but also because when you are as thoughtful and as bored on your commute as I am you Internet shop your orders from far an wide. I know that pretty much from end of October, up until a couple of days before the big day there will be post for me every single day. The post lady used to love me at work and always used to say that if I carried on I would be charged a handling fee. Luckily for me that's now my duties in the office so I have the luxury of collecting my own parcels of loveliness.
And that is the other thing! I love on-line shopping because not only do you have the thrill of trying to outbid "TonyKitKat1978" for a vintage Alice in Wonderland Teacup and Saucer Set on eBay, but you then have the excitement of it arriving a few days later and un-packaging it, only to re-wrap it in an equally vintage fashioned paper and big bow, ready to see the Christmas Fairy's face when she opens it and it blows her mind at how good you are for buying presents. FYI- that Alice in Wonderland Teacup and Saucer Set is actually on my Christmas List so if you wanna treat me at this special time of year then do so - Many thanks!
What I have also realised is just how much children's toys are!? I mean seriously?! Twenty or thirty quid seems a bit much but manageable for a small person who may play with it a number of times but as I walked past the shelves I saw forties, fifties, sixties, seventies. I mean why on gods given earth with all its trees to climb, lakes to push water-phobic friends into and fields to run around in would you buy little Danny, the jumped up four-year old pre-teen from Solihull already shoplifting from the local Nisa, a overly priced piece of plastic in the shape of Superman, Starwars or Spongebob Squarepants. All that was about when I walked into a local store last week was toys, toys, toys! Oh and more toys! And whilst it was mostly non-educational junk for boys centred around fighting, cars, army, robots or a TV/Film character; The girls section was far worse than I imagined it to be.
Row after row after row of pink this and flowers that. It made me wanna be sick and I had a vagina! All the little girls toys were about was playing dress-up, being pretty, caring for animals, cleaning and cooking and pretending to do everything a little 1950's housewife would do. There were plenty of pretty dresses and princess costumes but hardly any doctors, vets, lawyers or teachers pretend dress-up. I felt sorry for the youth of today, constantly having their mothers, sisters and aunties drip fed this crap about having to be a girl and do this and do that, to find a man, do the washing and learn to make a sandwich. It was wrong. Girls should be able to do whatever they like and so should little boys. Does anyone really care if little Matilda wanted a science set and a lab coat for her Christmas present rather than My Little Pony Shits-alot! Why? I just don't get it? Maybe it is because I haven't had my own little darlings yet and when I do I will pay the price for a light up Disney Princess Sing-along and scream doll for £89.95 just to keep up with The Jones and to keep her quiet on Christmas day. I mean what ever happened to a couple of books and a orange in the stocking?
When I was little I am glad to say that the Internet was a baby itself and technology as I know it at twenty-four was not in dreams yet let alone existence. This forced me into the sublime serenity of my childhood bedroom where I would spend whole weekends playing in my dolls house creating dramatic scenes that even Eastenders would find challenging. I would also be found in the summer months making mud pies out of dirt and grass with the desperate effort to make my little brother eat them. A few times he did, but then I was told not to make mud pies again. I still made mud pies I just flung them at my lil' bro instead. I had a crystal making set when I was old enough and I have fond memoirs of me and my Daddy trying against all odds to make salt and sugar crystals, coming down every Sunday morning to check if anything had grown.
This is what shaped me and I find it so sad now-days when kids just want to sit and watch a TV show or play a game on a games console or tablet rather than go outdoors and play and imagine. I sometimes wonder what it will do to them socially. In years to come will we just be expected to WhatsApp and Facetime rather than actually meet up. Will people, grown-ups, children, not have the imagination I had as a child? This makes me sad. Which means that I refuse to buy anything nonsensical for the children on my Christmas shopping list. My own children one day will not be Amish, they will have mod-cons such as games consoles, computers and smartphones (when they are old enough) but they will be limited, as will TV. I will allow their minds to be broadened by themselves, to explore, to have adventures and that at the end of the day when I snuggle them up in bed they can tell me the story that even I wouldn't be so crazy as to dream up ...
'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx
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