Driving me Crazy!

Hi there you!

So last weekend was, let's be honest here, a bit of a bore - Obviously ignoring the night out with my work colleagues that is. But this week and the weekend just gone has got me thinking more about life as a whole and where its going and what I want to be doing with it. 

Work is work for most people right? Not for me. I enjoy my job. Love it more than Starbucks sometimes. But since the arrival of some more company down in my end of the office in Autumn last year I have been embroiled in a conscience battle as to whether this is a job for life or not. Now I am not saying for a single second that this is a job whereby I would leave any time soon, but given the right offer and circumstances, I would consider heavily. 

You see today has been like many another day in the office. Paperwork. E-mails. Phone calls. And it is this that I love - The busy nature of the place. The fact that every day is essentially the same but without being the same is why I have stuck it out for so long, the good with the bad, the rough with the smooth. I mean something happens every day that keeps me on my toes, which I enjoy and the thrill of having stacking paperwork and jobs excites me knowing I have a busy time ahead of me. But lately since my old Supervisor moved to a different department I have been increasingly unhappy within my role. Needless targets, silly procedures and pointless run-through's of stuff I already know and do is really dragging me down. The snotty, condescending and quite frankly patronising remarks I get from some colleagues of mine leaves me wondering where my future is heading and whether a this is what I really want for the years to come. 

Now I understand that everyone has to have a bitch and a moan sometimes about their employment and as a British person I feel even more so I should have a good old moan about it. Everyone has bad days right? And sometimes when you are having a bad day, be it at work or else where, an offer of any kind can seem like such a bedazzling light at the end of the tunnel that like a firefly you head right towards its burning flame. This happened to me today. 

After fucking up a couple of times last week (and I literally mean like two or three times) with everyone from my engineers to customers and all in between, new procedures have been implemented from my supervisor, making my job at least an hour longer every day and more complex than what it should be. Ironically this is something I went to a conference last month about: Looking for ways to increase business and get rid of all the silly procedures and protocol. After having a good old British chin-wag about it with some work colleagues in the canteen I was made aware of a position within the company that had my ears pricked and my eyes wide! Within the same building there was a girl whom I had become quite close with. She was leaving soon and as a result a job opening had become available doing pretty much the same thing I do but for a different division. Mood suddenly brightened by an opportunity within grasping distance and on hearing that the girl's manager had already tried to poach me for the position I was intrigued and asked for more information. 

Whilst the job is at the same salary there are pro's and con's to the career move. On the plus side it would be me and my boss working together on similar projects I work on now. Secondly, I wouldn't have to deal with the daily remarks of not doing my job "well" or "in the correct way" not to mention constantly being undermined and undervalued as an employee. I would have more space and freedom.I would be the first person to receive the post every morning, distributing it throughout the building and mingling with my old colleagues. I would even have the potential to ask for a pay rise. On the other side, it would be fairly lonely with minimal interaction from people both in the office and over the phone. I would have to get better with my lateness as well as improve on my timely manner and the likelihood of me being invited to any nights out or events would potentially be at risk. 

Not only that but I question whether I am actually ready to leave. I spoke with several friends and family members and the response was mixed to say the least. On the one hand I am excited for the new opportunity and the idea that I had already been theoretically head-hunted for the role was ego-boosting anyway. But am I ready to leave the business I have built up from nothing? I was only a matter of hours into my role within the company before I was thrust the division I work in and pretty much told "Its a mess, please help us to sort it out". I am the one who built the business into what it is today with the practical procedures and inventive ways of helping everything tick along nicely. I am the one who has built up a two year relationship with both my sales reps, engineers and customers, not to mention the employees I work with. I have grown the subcontracted side, with help from colleagues, from thing from barely there to being a huge part of what the company as a whole does. Am I really willing to hand over my baby and sack it all in potentially for what has been a crappy few months with an equally shitty rubbish day? As one friend in the office put it ... Am I prepared to see another person sat at my desk doing my job? I need to find out some more details so first thing tomorrow after digging into my CoCo Pops I shall approach the boss man and ask him the details of the opening. With the other girl leaving on Friday though I will have to make my decisions quick although I am sure I shall update you next week with the outcome.

Maybe I am over-reacting? I mean my stress levels recently have forced me into meltdown over the silliest of things. The fact that in less than twenty-four hours I will have known whether I have passed or failed my theory test is something that has been looming over me for weeks. I am bricking it! After studying for weeks about road traffic signs, speed limits and stopping distances, not to mention the difference between pelican and puffin crossings I feel like my brain has been frazzled and whatever I do now is redundant for I am almost certain to fail. In every mock test, exam and hazard perception video I go through I scrap by with the skin of my teeth. Or just fail by a smidgen. But with less than twenty-one hours to go and my first driving lessons already booked for Saturday morning there is not much room for error and the expectation to pass this exam is greater than it ever has been before. 

Wish me luck!

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx