Having children is like having a blender with no lid!

Heyy, 

A week on since the sunburn incident, I would say I have fully recovered and my face is now back to normal, as it Mr Warehouse's legs and ankles. Annoying really as we could have really enjoyed our last few days of holiday in  Malaga and our trip to Gibraltar, not to mention not cancelling the multitude of hair appointments, doctors appointments, counselling sessions or other things I had planned for that weekend we returned. It is nice now to be enjoying the summer sunshine and fine English weather. 

Enjoying a garden party this weekend made me think more than ever about not only our impending wedding, less than a year and 3 months away now but also that of children. A family BBQ held in honour of my future nephew's birthday, I was surrounded by all ages, from 9-weeks to 90! In amongst them were a few familiar faces, many of which had stopped asking now about babies and instead were asking about the wedding, thank fuck. 

But as I poured myself another glass of Magical Mystical unicorn gin, infused with the flavour marshmallows and candy-floss, sparkling and shining as it glittered in the sunlight, Mr Warehouse found me and questioned why my portion size kept growing. Laughing it off we chatted in the kitchen for a moment away from the madness of bouncy castles and kids. 
"Doesn't this make you broody?" he asked coyly suggesting a family one day. It got me thinking again about what life would be like. I think about it more and more I suppose as I get older. Moreso in different situations such as drink-fuelled weekend parties and holidays in the sun where your face turns into a pork scratching?! These are the irresponsible antics I would have to give up, not to mention practically starving myself and the deprivation that will come with pregnancy. 

All the good things in life and all the foods I love are off limits; Alcohol, Blue Cheese, Smoked Salmon, running Eggs, Rare steak, Carpaccio, Prawns, and did I say alcohol just to mention a few! I may as well eat baby food myself. At least though by the end of it all I will not only have a bundle of "joy" but also an excuse for those stretch marks other than enjoying the odd KFC too much. 

A recent article on the Relate website goes through some of the thought-processes of starting a family. As with most people, the thought of starting up a family brings me out in a whole range of emotions from excitement and happiness through to total anxiety and fear, borderline terror!  I, like many other twenty-somethings my age, imagine creating a happy, safe home for my children, giving them the childhood I had and the one I had wished for. This being said I agree with the websites opening statement. I am incredibly nervous about the idea of bringing a new life into this world - I can barely raise myself let alone thing about raising a child. Relate go on to explain that "Having a child is an experience that brings into sharp focus your core life beliefs, the values that you inherited from your childhood, your relationship with your parents, your hopes and dreams – and your anxieties." I now know that feeling like there's a whole host of different feelings are jostling for attention in your head is entirely normal. After all, it’s a big decision!  

Obviously, I and Mr Warehouse are in a stable relationship so realistically it could work and should the worst-case scenario happen and I fell pregnant then we would just "deal with it" so as to speak, going with the flow and bring our child up outside of wedlock. Whilst it would not be the way things were meant to be in my head, I would still love that child nevertheless. I would like to be married first, more for the commitment to me as I would feel that if you can commit to me with no real permanent ties or links then you are an appropriate person who I could bring up a child with, especially when I already have major issues with commitment and abandonment already. 

It goes without saying that financially speaking, kids are costly. Having a baby is an expensive business and I only know this from the few trips I have had wandering around the children's section with friends or family searching for baby grows and muslin cloths. Relate make valid points saying "It’s important you make sure you're going to be able to afford all of the things you’d need to raise a child. This includes things like good, clothes and childcare – but may also need to take into account the expense of moving into a bigger property too".

All in all, I think that one day I would like children and my worries of not being an adequate mom have got better, but I doubt if they will ever disappear entirely. That being said though I know I am in good hands as Mr Warehouse's parental background is also littered with unhappy memories and unpleasantries. I know that my fiance is very child-friendly, whereas I may have a little bit of learning to do. Plenty of time before that though ... Chin Chin!

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx

A Wooded Car Park and A BIG Surprise!

Evening, 

Locking my car in an area of Bedford which is renowned for its poor reputation, I walked past and tried to hide the fact that I was anxious about leaving my beloved Vivienne in front of a gang of "Youts". My therapy Sessions were actually going really well at The Amicus Trust. Meeting my psychologist again I realised that I was quite comfortable in his presence with his friendly and easy nature. As before I was immediately relaxed and he offering me a cup of coffee which he always did now we sat down at the large wooden table next to the large window, hidden by the blinds, I could still hear the busy street outside. As we began to dive into my complex tale I watched as something sparkly caught my eye. 
"I suppose it all started yesterday morning really" I opened up. 

Sunday morning started like like any other as Mr Warehouse got up and ready to go and watch his nephew play football. Rolling over I admired my other half's bottom, clad in tight boxers and not much else. Those were the moments I enjoyed in the morning, well that and the next couple of hours of uninterrupted TV crap to watch with the dog and a cup of coffee. Settling in for another episode of Teen Mom UK, I heard the familiar rumble of a motorbike as it zoomed up the side gate. Assuming my morning binge was over I got dressed and ready to go and start our day. Walking Pooch was first on the agenda and we decided that since it was a little chilly we would take her to her favourite spot around by a local lake in a local country park. 

Pulling into the parking lot we saw a sign for a fun charity dog show and after begging Mr Warehouse we went to have a little look around. After further persuasion we decided to get her to do some agility which she loved. Walking around some of the stalls I passed one of the announcers and asked about some of the shows and contests that they were hosting. The organiser explained that this was the last segment of the show and that it was "The dog that the judges would most like to take home". Throwing caution to the wind and not even asking my Beau if I could borrow his dog for my own self gratification, Pooch and I headed for the ring and trotted round as though we will Pro's at Crufts. As I looked around at the rest of the competition I thought that it would be very unlikely we would win, especially when we were up against fluffy dogs and cute puppies that were less than a few weeks old. 

As they counted down the numbers from fifth, fourth, third and second it did not cross my mind that we could be next and yet there was the judge calling out my name and the Pooch to come and collect our prize for coming first as "The dog that the judges would most like to take home". Winning an adorable rosette I proudly pinned it to our fur-babies collar and walked around proud as punch. After all of that excitement, Mr Warehouse, the Pooch and I decided to take a walk in some woodland near to the car and enjoy the autumnal weather before the rain hammered it down. 

Walking on ahead with my little winner I didn't notice as Mr Warehouse came up alongside me. Almost in slow motion, my boyfriend of nearly four-years knelt down on one knee and pulled out a grey box from his pocket. As my mind attempting to buffer and load what my eyes were seeing, he opened the box only to reveal a beautiful White Gold Diamond ring. A part of me had not quite realised that this was it and instead was just thinking how nice it was that he had bought me a nice gift. Then I think everything caught up with me and as my gorgeously handsome, cute bottomed Mr Warehouse asked "Will You Marry Me?" 

Silence ensued as I took in everything that was happening around me and soaked up every moment that this was. It was not in front of the Disneyland Castle and it certainly was not in the airport surrounded by unfamiliar faces and people I have never met or will ever meet, and yet it was in the most special place I think I probably would have never picked. There we all were, our little family on a woodland walk in a country park where we spent most of our weekend walking our beloved dog. Welling up, I expleted several times before asking if this was for real and moments later after understanding that this definitely was for real and not just a bad-tasting joke I of course said yes!

Since that moment yesterday afternoon in a wooded car park, I have gotten over the shock slightly and that I will one day be a bride and whilst it still hasn't quite settled in that I now have a fiance, since Mr Warehouse said those four little words I finally feel complete. No longer do I need to question if this is it or if there is something else better out there. I already know that this is as good as it gets. Turns out that Pooch wasn't the only one who won a prize that Autumn Sunday Afternoon, I won the best prize of all ... A Husband-to-be!

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx