Is This It?

Hello again you!

So after last week's post this one is going to seem very much mundane indeed. Sorry to all those Nypho's out there but I have been far, far too busy this week to set myself up as a phone sex operator just yet. I have much bigger fish to fry you know. With Mr. Warehouse moved in and mostly settled, with his doggy joining us this weekend, we begin our lives together in harmonious bliss - That is until all hell breaks loose because he ate all my Mini Cheddars!

Who ever knew that things would end up this way huh?!  When I look back on the time I have had with Mr. Warehouse and all we have done in it, everything just seems so fast. This suddenly hit me whilst walking past a jewellers on Friday afternoon following a rather hectic but relaxed few days in the office (and considering it is coming up to the end of financial year, it says a lot about our office productivity). There I was, all twenty-four years of me, standing in the afternoon shadows of a second-hand and vintage jeweller, looking at the sparkly sapphire numbers twinkling back at me that I dream of wearing on my left hand one day. But then it suddenly dawned on me. I am twenty-four! 

Walking away I suddenly I could hear my maternal clock located somewhere in my womb ticking loudly. Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock! Louder and louder as I thought about what I wanted to do and what I had planned for myself and the timescale to do it in. I mean we all have a five-year-plan right? Right? You see, I want a child before I turn thirty at least. And before all of that I want to get married and tell stories of fairytale princesses and dancing the night away with their Daddy on the happiest day of my life, next to the day that they came into my world of course. I had to get a decent paying job (or just ask for a cheeky pay rise). I would have to travel the world to several more places including Africa and the East in order to extend the stories I already hold to include riding elephants through the jungle and cuddling lions in the Savannah! I will need to buy a house to accommodate this womb-bending brood I plan, something as you all know including four-bedrooms, an en-suite to the Master and a picket fence outside on a quiet suburban street with optional neighbourhood watch. But I suppose that is a lot to do for a little person like me who is only just learning to drive and still sees a shot of Cherry Sourz a good friend on a night out!

I just want to be fully prepared for parenthood and know that I have done things the right way and inside wed-lock. I know it is not for some people; The whole getting married and then having children, and in all honesty I do try not to judge people who are in that situation, but I just know that in my heart of hearts I would be severely disappointed if my life was planned out any other way. Not of course that I would ever regret my children if that is how the winds swayed, but I would feel disappointed in myself that they were not born into something that was already legally and lustfully bound by love. 

Now I know that a huge majority of that gumph above is pressure put on by myself and that to achieve everything I want before having children and ideally speaking within the next six years, that is one heck of a shit-load to cram on in! I mean whilst I love Mr. Warehouse to the ends of the earth and back, am I really ready to become someone's wife? I just don't know?! As harsh as that sounds the whole prospect scares me slightly, but at the same time excites me with the possibilities! Is this it? Is this now my life? Is Mr. Warehouse the one I shall grow old with? Is Mr. Warehouse suddenly dawning on me as Mr. Right?

I suppose in several of my past relationships, I have queried if I could ever be with that one person for the rest of my days, eating with them, sleeping with them, living with them and raising a family with them. Will I ever get bored of them, or them of me and is there anyone else left out there better suited? But then I think about my Mr. Warehouse and to back when I was single. Reality is that even then and now it would be the same answer. No there is not someone better suited to myself. Or maybe there is but who has time to flick through countless dick-pic's on Tinder and faux profile's on PlentyOfFish.com when I have someone who is wonderful in so many ways - His ability to eat all six packets of Mini Cheddars not leaving me a single crumb being one of them, haha! 

My dearest boyfriend is ever so kind and considerate. He is very affectionate but also stands his ground when we have a barney or believes he is right (does he not know all women species are right in every way all ways?) He buys me gifts now and then, sometimes flowers, sometimes chocolate and when I have a crappy day he brightens my mood by breaking me into laughter. He is silly and stupid - Just like me. He is immature and loves giggles, pillow fights and chasing each other round the house with tickles just as much as I do (apart from I don't like being tickled). Mr. Warehouse is thoughtful, getting me things I need and helping with household chores when I ask. He looks after me when I am ill and comforts me when I am sad. He has never made me cry. Ever in fact. And he does his very best every day to make me feel like I am his absolute world. His be all and end all, and everything in between.

I suppose the next logical step for us would be for to get a dog, get a house and get engaged. But that is my plan and a relationship is about compromise, but with Mr. Warehouse holding my hand tight, I doubt I will be compromising much that I didn't already have the chance to look for! 

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx

Hello New Boobs!

Bonjourno!

With Sleigh-bells a-ringing in my ears and the fast approaching nip in the air hinting at snow, I decided to spend a weekend away from the other half and with the other love in my life - Miss Tweedle-Dumb. And since Miss Tweedle-Dee was sunning herself up on a family holiday in America (Second time to he States this year the Jammy git!) I thought that there was no better time than the present to have a nice catch up with my sister from another Mister. And with less than a week until she flew out to Rome on a romantic Anniversary/Christmas getaway with her boyfriend and even less shopping days to find a dress for her works Christmas Party I felt her pain and distress. 

Joining her at the Greek restaurant back home in Dunstable, we shared a wonderful medley of meze dishes including Vine Leaves, Halloumi Cheese, Filo Pastry Sacks and chunks of grilled meats. And oh how I do love a selection of little foods that take me back to a holiday. To think that it was about eight weeks ago that Miss Tweedle-Dumb, Miss Tweedle-Dee and I all returned from our Greek adventure and now it was nearly Christmas! Nevertheless as we sat and discussed the world and all of her problems, one by one we sorted them out and finally after finishing the overpriced wine we left and headed back to the warmth of Miss Tweedle-Dumb's family home where we would spend the rest of the night in fits of giggles before falling asleep together on a blow-up bed in the dining room. 

Oh but I had the best dream ever! So there I was - Setting the scene for you now; Grey city, New York I assume. Tall, tall buildings. Everything in muted colours, Grey, Brown, Black, Olive, Maroon. Then I find myself in a lift lobby or landing of an apartment suite. Evan Peters (From American Horror Story and Kick Ass - General Hot topic in my eyes and someone I would love to see under the mistletoe this holiday season) is there. He says how beautiful I am. But I am with Mr. Warehouse. I can't! Can I? Miss Tweedle-Dumb and Miss Tweedle-Dee who I am holidaying in the city with are supportive, unusual as in that situation they would have been very opinionated and forceful in me staying faithful to Mr. Warehouse. Over the course of the dream which felt a blissfully long, the more time I spent with Evan the more colours I saw, each of them brighter than the last. Then one evening before my flight back that evening I was presented with some dresses by Evan's maid/Mom. So Many styles, all of them long and flowing ball-gowns in various technicolour, although still dull in colour - Plum, Forest green, Gold, Chocolate, Aubergine, Sea green, Midnight blue and Ruby red. I wanted them all and yet I felt I could not have them as they were not mine to keep. Confused, I had a premonition in my dream that Evan was going to propose to me. I saw the ring and him buying it, just as I had always imagined, gold band with a Blue/Black Sapphire enclosed by crystal clear diamonds. It was not long before I was standing back in the lift lobby or landing of Evan's New York City apartment suite. I explained I had to go. My Work's Christmas party was in a matter of hours and I still had to board a plane and get back to the UK. Evan held me closed, pulled me into his warm chest and embraced me like no-one had done so in a while. I knew then that this was something special. Evan said that I was something very special and that Mr. Warehouse was a very lucky guy to have me. I tore myself apart to look one last time into his beautiful brown eyes and pulled me in close. Somewhere I could hear music. Sad and slow. 

Gradually I was pulled out of the dream and back to the reality of sleeping underneath a plant pot in Miss Tweedle-Dumb's dining room. Oh the sadness, the shear and utter sadness at the realisation that my dream with Evan Peters was not reality! Genuinely the saddest and most melancholy I have ever awoken from a dream, even though there was not sex or kissing involved there was a romantic and lustful connection I felt stronger than I have felt in waking life with anyone. Reading up on the dream and its meanings later on in life (as you do) made me realise that there was more to the dream than just some intense emotions and posed some unavoidable questions that needed answering rather than just burying my head in the sand and ignoring it all. 

Getting up and getting dressed I mourned my dream in New York with Evan Peters still even as Miss Tweedle-Dumb and I got in her little car and made our way to the shopping centre, arriving just in time for some poorly prepared breakfast, followed by some equally poor service. In search for a dress, appropriate for a Work's Christmas party which has sleeves to hide bingo wings and a skater skirt to hide the other multitude of yearly sins. seemed to be harder than I thought. Too long, too short, too tight to expensive, no arm coverage! Nothing seemed to fit the bill! Angry and annoyed we tried our luck at Pepperberry and Bravissimo, hoping that the niche market of larger busts would cater to the already well endowed Miss Tweedle-Dumb. Not finding anything we liked and with half hour to kill before our manicures we decided to have a bra fitting! And boy oh boy am I glad we did. 

Turns out that for the decade or there about, I have been wearing the completely wrong bra size. I had been told a few weeks before that I was the wrong size by someone but chose to ignore it thinking I was just having a good posture day or something. But no. I had been wearing a size B to C cup since I was about sixteen. I am now ... wait for it! A size DD to an E cup!? Thats like going from Gwyneth Paltrow tits to which aren't half bad to Kelly Brook boobs! It was a transformation that happened in the space of ten minute and my god have they changed my outlook on life. I was so down trodden with the hassle of dress shopping and stress of it all and yet someone handing me a better fitting bra and confirming I have massive Bap's has not only put me in a good mood for the rest of Saturday but for the rest of the week it seems since I cant stop talking about my new boobs. I have told the warehouse guys, I told the engineers at work, my sales rep's, heck I even told Mr. Warehouse's family round the table at afternoon tea Sunday afternoon. I love my boobs and how big they are. I can't wait to see what happens in different dresses and outfits and how much better I looked after buying all these new bra's! Even today wearing my first properly fitted bra in years I felt invincible! Come on work place give me your shitty comments and your snidey office politics remarks, I shall rebuff them with my bountiful breasts! Crappy customer? WHO CARES I HAVE BIG TITS! I am in love with myself all over again which for an egotistical, hedonistic, slightly controlling megalomaniac seemed impossible! 

And yes so whilst in the grand old scheme of things that Shopping on Saturday was fruitless in terms of a dress for either mine or Miss Tweedle-Dumb's Christmas Works Do, we found out with both have new boobs! A very productive day! 

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx

Life After Las Vegas!

Afternoon Everybody!

So my first week back from my Las Vegas wanderings and suffice to say that the holiday blues are well and truly kicking in - Especially since it has been raining pretty much all week long since our last conversation. Which brings me round again to the year that ensues. 

This year I have found myself asking some important questions in terms of my life progression, who I associate with, who I date and what I will do, not to mention where I will travel. Alot of those things I don't know yet and some I do but for the most part I think I have come to realise that at the ripe old age of twenty-four this year I don't have that much to show for it. 

By this point in most Twenty-something's lives they have gone to University, pissed it up at freshers, dated (and slept with) some dodgy people and earned a degree from it all, graduating in long gowns and pointy hats in the knowledge that it will stay on the mantelpiece of their family for years to come as a reminder that they are better than you. If you have not gone down that route (and sometimes even if you have) then you take a Gap Year otherwise known as a "Gaahp Yaarh" for those of a more affluent background! This may include many of the above such as pissing it up with other fellow travellers and dating/fucking some dodgy people along the way. Unfortunately for me I have got drunk many a time and fallen in the gutters of Great Britain, not to mention the amount of wrong-'uns that I have kissed so far on my journey of finding a future-husband. All of this is lovely but the more I commit to the daily grind, the more I feel the need for a random and spontaneous holiday of discovery. 

I need to grow. Expand. Develop. Things in life sometime get too stale and somewhere along the line you loose yourself a little bit. I want to loose myself completely and then re-find me. I doubt this can be done on a two week break to Thailand but that is what I am planning. A chance to make some new friends, meet new people and learn about other cultures. A chance to see the world before life gets any more serious. 

Now don't get me wrong, I love the creature comforts of home and all but I know that within the next five years at least it will be harder to escape, and in ten years it will be practically impossible to get away even for a weekend let alone skipping off for some travelling and self-discovery bollocks. In time I do want marriage and a family of my own but right now there is no need to be so cautious. I am twenty-three and should be as throw-away and carefree as a plastic bottle containing cheap vodka. I think I need to experience this not only for me but also for my future generations - My Children, my grandchildren, maybe even my great grandchildren. Oh can you imagine their wonderment when Grandma tells the kids about the time she rode an Elephant through the forests of Thailand or when she cuddled a baby lion in South Africa or about that fling with a surfer on an Mexican beach at spring break? 

At the moment I have had many a tale to tell about life gone by, anecdotes from dates and general life, but now is time for a change. This year I have already travelled to America. Now its time to conquer Asia as well. 2015 with be the year of travelling and exploring the world. Who knows maybe it will even spill over into next year as well. 

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx

It's Bat Country!

Hello there one and all,

I hope you are all well and that twelve days into the new year I am starting to wonder if some peoples New Years Resolutions have caved in yet. I know that mine are being stretched further and further each day. Who knew that being on time was such an effort?! Nevertheless I am thoroughly looking forward to the year ahead and in particular for events in less than eight-weeks time. I can hardly believe that my little pipe dream with Miss Tweedle-Dee, Miss Tweedle-Dumb and Miss Tweedle-Dee's family is nearly here. It seems like only yesterday I was begging for somewhere to find the money to go and now, after working at my second job in the call centre for nearly six-months solid, listening to people moan and groan and hang-up on you I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

When Miss Tweedle-Dee, Miss Tweedle-Dumb and I were little-r we were obsessed with Johnny Depp. We were obsessed, watching films with even only a few seconds of his baby face in and we would coo and giggle. We all became infamous in our schools library, forever misusing our school's printer to copy reems and reems of Johnny Depp photos, sticking them everywhere from our Notebooks to our walls. We would recite lines from films and take any opportunity to turn a class project into something about J.D. Our school text books were testaments to our following, like a shrine to Mr. Depp with hopeful scrawling's of "Mrs Depp" and "Cry Baby's Baby" wishful squiggles of three girl's whom knew nothing of the world and how it worked let alone what love was and both how electrically brilliant but also earth-shatteringly devastating loving someone can be. Looking back on it, things were so different back then; everyone seemed to be richer in so many ways - Money, Friendships, Families. Life in general seems much easier as a pre-teen than as an adult. 

There was one film in particular that as thirteen-year-olds my Tweedles and I took too more than others and that film was called 'Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas', as written by the late and great Hunter S. Thompson in the 1970's and directed by Terry Gilliam in 1998, the film follows two journalists Raoul Juke, played by Johnny Depp and Benicio Del Toro as Dr. Gonzo on a drug fuelled binge through the City of Sin, Las Vegas! As a little person this was a thrilling and exciting film, if not very adult movie to be watching at such a young age. I was hooked. I wanted to know everything and scoured the internet in my lunch breaks with my best buddies by my side looking for nuggets of film-buff knowledge to gain an understanding of Johnny Depp as both an actor and a fellow human. Johnny spent four-months living in the basement of Hunter's home in pursuit of gaining a better understanding for Hunter's mannerisms and habits so as to portray the character well. It seemed normal for us as teenage girls to do the same and as I conjured up dreams of being a starlet in front of the camera whilst Miss Tweedle-Dee directed and Miss Tweedle-Dumb wrote scripts. 

A few years ago I was given a blue, silken bound book, Inside it contained a little of what I have shared with you all today in regards to my friendship with my dearest friends, Miss Tweedle-Dee and Miss Tweedle-Dumb. Along with pictures of all my ex-lovers and hilarious moments up until I was twenty-one there was a Gem I had not seen in years. It was a story about three eighteen-year-old's on their first holiday. Destination. Las Vegas! Turns out in this story Miss Tweedle-Dee, Miss Tweedle-Dumb and I all bump into Johnny Depp who invites us back to his and his Fiancées house (whom was Vanessa Paradis at the time) to look after his children (whom are now in there teens) and spend our holiday there. Eventually the story ends with the three of us permanently staying over there and I fall in love with an hot American waiter. Oh how I do love my best friends and the wishful life they bring me! Funny to think, looking back as Miss Tweedle-Dumb ticked away at the keyboard in the library and printed the tale in bold orange letters that little did we know within the next decade we would be planning for a trip to Sin City ourselves - Minus the Johnny Depp stalking and nanny duties ... And probably even that waiter dare I say!

Leaving the past behind me with fond memories I look forward now to when I finally board that plane. Goodbye cold, wet and possibly snowy Britain and hello to the Nevada Desert where the sun isn't the only thing that will be getting high. I did plan to loose some weight and get down to not only a figure I can be happy with but something that I can show off on social networking sites. "Look at me bitches! I am in Vegas whilst your at your desks! Ha! Oh is it raining outside. Not to worry myself about though as someone called Chad or Chuck is bringing me another Sex on the Beach!"  I would say as I casually upload pictures of me in swimsuits lazing by the pool and naked on a bed full of Dollar bills. Obviously there will be the traditional photo's of the Las Vegas sign and the skyline at night. I am sure that there will be many a night spent in a casino or two, drinks flowing and bottles be popping. During the day trips to the local Mall, Markets and down-town sights will be in store as well as maybe a cheeky trip out to Area 51 and the Grand Canyon. I would love to ride horse-back through the sand dunes of the Nevada but I doubt my Tweedles will be so frivolous. Everything aside, I am thoroughly looking forward to my trip and I cannot wait to spend all of what I have been saving for the past nine-months for. Roll on March mother-crackers!

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx