A glimmer of hope for us all?

Heidi Hi,  

Snow is yet again fluttering down again this week, making our lives in lockdown a little less mundane and more interesting than the last nearly eight-weeks (fuck that's depressing). Today I start working from home (again) although this time I have a plan. I have moved the spare room around, I plan to buy a nice office chair, maybe a beanbag for the corner of the room and any guests I have to join me (probably one of the dogs or Mr Warehouse after he gets in). I even invested in a huge Mandela wall art piece so I can make it more boho and relaxing whilst WFH this time around, not that I need to be any more relaxed as the new job is like night and day from my last with so much less stress and the overwhelming intensity has disappeared entirely. Whilst it is different in terms of the work culture and workloads, I am enjoying it and honestly so glad I made the decision to move.

Tomorrow I will start my first full day working from my "new office" and am already so excited to light a new candle - The little things I suppose. But you have to take them where you can get them as the world is still amongst a grip of the COVID-19 Pandemic. As much as I have tried to distance myself from it, socially and otherwise, it is hard not to ignore that the UK has now surpassed over 100,000 deaths from the disease. The BBC confirms that the death toll is fading fast with just over 300 being recorded today (Monday 08 February 2021), a drop of 200 in the space of a fortnight. With more than 12 million people in the UK have now had their first dose of a coronavirus vaccine surely the end is in sight now? That's almost one in four adults in the UK - Incredible!

Prime Minister Boris Johnson has said the government will set out a "roadmap" for easing restrictions in England on 22 February. You can understand why people are chomping at the bit to get outside and back to normality as during the current lockdown the public have been told to stay at home other than for limited purposes such as essential food shopping, medical appointments and work. With schools also closed, I know many a parent who is slowly going insane being driven up the wall by the constant neediness from their children and seemingly never-ending want for snacks. To be fair though, I am not a child and Mr Warehouse nor a parent and yet I display all those traits of nagging offspring.

Here's hoping we can soon join the likes of the Isle of Man. Sky News reported last week that the small island situated between England and Ireland were able to welcome back pupils to schools and businesses could reopen. People will be able to leave their homes but don't get excited for your holidays just yet though as the borders will remain closed to outsiders. And don't think they fuck about either as the article goes onto explain that In December 2020, a man was jailed for breaching COVID-19 regulations after riding a jet ski to the island from Scotland to visit his partner. Ahh, sweet love or utter stupidity?

The island had not seen any "unexplained" community cases of the coronavirus for just under three-weeks and so this meant that islanders could hang up their face-masks and tell social-distancing to do one as many families and friends hugged for the first time since last year. Sky News continues that the current lockdown restrictions have been entirely lifted in the Isle of Man thanks to the "supportive, patriotic" public who have been praised for the way they have followed measures to tackle COVID-19. When being interviewed, Chief Minister Howard Quayle told Sky News "we had no COVID on the Isle of Man from the 15 June 2020 to the 7 January 2021 but sadly, we had some cases on the Isle of Man in which we had to go in quick and fast, shut down our island to enable us to eradicate".

One day. One day this will all be over and all but a blemish on our otherwise normal lives. A fortnight from now we will know a little more I am sure - But for now, we live by our windows, watching the world go by and waiting for the day we can get out and join them.

'Til next time, Love A.Lou x

A Lazy Weekend Of Not Doing Much At All!

Hello Dears!

Last week was a very productive, very forward planning weekend and despite having spent little or no money (well ... maybe a few pennies) I felt as though Miss Tweedle-Dumb and I had a good shopping trip all round. And as I write this she is probably soaking up the warm-er weather of Rome with her boyfriend. So Jealous! 

But you would think that after finding out I had new boobs, or at least the rediscovery of boobs that were there but not cared for, I would have an equally planned out weekend including Christmas preparation and wrapping and present buying all tied up in one. and truth be told I did have that planned although after being told that I was no longer working my second job on Saturday morning I sought no need to get up early and head out the door and so therefore spent the entire day in bed. I only braved the chill of outside the duvet a handful of times, either for food or the bathroom. 

Soon enough though my alone time was over as Mr. Warehouse crashed through the door from work, soaking wet from the torrential down pour outside and chillier than a penguins freezer. And so after making mozzarella filled meatballs with spaghetti, my lovely Mr. Warehouse came and joined me in my bed. Snuggling up under my duvet watching rubbish TV made me realise that I do really care for him and as I began to get a headache I saw just how much he cared for me also as he swaddled me in a cosy blanket and made me melted chocolate buttons (which is my fave!) Such a sweetie! We finally finished watching the Fast and Furious box-set we had been lent several weeks ago and after much deliberation I had come to the conclusion that The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift makes absolutely no sense and as a female, watching along with a male, I am still incredibly confused as to what exactly it's point in the saga is. I just don't get it. Some South-American Hill-billy guy goes to Tokyo, makes friends with Bow-Wow and drives a significant number of cars less than Vin Diesel, whom I might add, like the rest of the Fast and Furious cast including Paul Walker (RIP), Michelle Rodriguez and Samantha Vincent are seemingly missing in action on this film? Albeit it was an OK film, but I will be honest, the only reason I watched it was for the sequence of events that lead up to Fast and Furious 7. 

In fact, thinking about it now I would like to think that my baby brother would be proud of me for asking, if not begging for those films to be played. Sometimes I wish that it was him I was sharing a moment with, drinking a beer or two and enjoying a film we used to secretly watch as kids even if we weren't old enough. I wonder all the time what he is up to and where he is. I know roughly where him and the mother lives although I wouldn't dare try to hunt them down. Whilst I see my mother as a poisonous plant that needs to be stamped out, I know my brother should be left like a wild animal to become tame and discover himself before coming to find me, rather than me hunting for him and pushing a relationship onto him that he is not comfortable with. I hear through the grape-vine that he has passed his driving licence and whilst slightly miffed that he passed before I did, I am proud of my Little Bro' and all he has and will achieve. 

I enjoyed my relaxing weekend but this week ahead of me will be chocka to say the least. Tonight is standard Monday night blues as I mourn the weekend, remember how poor I am and rush something cardboard-y and horrible tasting for dinner. Tuesday and Thursday I am working at my second job this week if they don't decide to cancel it (the bastards). Wednesday you ask? Ahh yes. Wednesday I will be returning back to my Home-Town to visit some family coming over from Southern Ireland in which we shall share a Chinese and drink probably a few glasses in order to numb the drone of the bickering over something that doesn't wholly matter. But by the time my hangover has ended it will be weekend and after booking Friday off from work and reserving a hotel in London I will be thoroughly looking forward to my weekend away with Mr. Warehouse, especially Hyde Park's Winter Wonderland with The Tweedles and Friends!

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx

The Sweetest Goodbye

Hi, 

So finally I can now put behind me another sickeningly romantic Valentines Day and look forward to the rest of what 2014 has to offer. So far I have Reading Festival '14 and not much else but with rumours of another mini-break to Chester with Miss Chocolate and possibly Miss Tatts our old college friend as well as a boozed up sunshine break with Miss Chocolate and friends too, there is much to anticipate over the coming months. However I feel that I have become more and more withdrawn over the past few weeks, slowly drifting further into the background, which as you all know is very unlike me. However I am sure I will pick myself off and find something fun to do although life hasn't been very fun this week. Allow me to explain ... 

Rushing around like a headless chicken (Mmm Nando's) I tried my best to finish my mountain of work on my desk before finishing half-day on Friday. Who knew that having a spa day booked would be so stressful and energy-draining. But I must confess, that wasn't the only thing I was heading to London for. I had some stuff I needed to collect from Mr. Cheese that I had left at his flat I so wished to visit one last time, and conveniently for me that aggravatingly contradictory man was heading through Kings Cross St. Pancras Station as I was. Whilst I was going in for some retail therapy and a rub-down, he was heading out on a family weekend to York visiting Grandad Cheese in hospital. And so as I clambered onto the train with minutes to spare I wondered again about what would happen when we finally said goodbye for the very last time. Watching the trees and countryside of the home-counties rush past the window I knew that despite my planning and preparation for this concluding encounter I had been building up to since I took a stand on New Years Day that it could all fall apart as soon as we met. And to some extent it did. 

Of course irony would have a part to play in all of this at some point, this is me were on about here, and right on cue we learnt that Mr. Cheese and I had ended up in the wrong parts of the station and as we had done on our first date, mostly down to my incompetence at geographical locations. Nevertheless I found him, that odd man in casual clothing looking nothing of the London sort, slumped against the glass wall of Starbucks trying to look calm but emulating an awkwardness and uneasiness at the whole situation. Approaching him with a strut in my step I desperately tried to stay calm, trying to remember all the things I would say and the positive crap Miss Tweedle-Dumb and Miss Tweedle-Dee had drummed into me the past few months, not to mention countless others. Standing in front of the taller-than-remembered Mr. Cheese I saw him relax a little at the notion of my presence. Without a word I was pulled into a hug and almost instinctively I could feel my arms tightening around his waist, clutching at him never to let go. But I had to and noticing my warmth growing rapidly I reluctantly pulled away. 

As people sipped at over-priced coffee and as even more hustled and bustled around us I felt like Mr. Cheese and I were the only ones there. Making small talk we avoided the real reason we were both here in the middle of London. Rummaging in his bag he pulled out my things and handed them to me. I thanked him. Concerned about his Grandad I asked how he was. Mr. Cheese confirmed that all was not well and he was very sick. A million different scenarios ran through my mind and at the same time and as heartbreaking as it was to say I knew I had to offer some comfort. As we stood there eyes wide and filling with tears, saying nothing and everything simultaneously and knowing that the end was nearing I ran through the plan in my head once more. As I opened my mouth to speak, Mr. Cheese shook his head, still piercing my heart with those bright blue eyes of his. Ignoring his gesture I continued. 

"I will always be here for you. If you ever need me. Family, friends, work, anything. You know where I am." I croaked. I felt like I was in a Hollywood blockbuster but I knew that this wasn't going to end like it does in the movies. Taking my arm once more Mr. Cheese pulled me in for one last cuddle, confessing softly that he didn't want me to go. I agreed. I never wanted this to end. Ever. But I couldn't carry on. I cant carry on. I gave Mr. Cheese the chance to make it something wonderful but he chose not to. Slowly pulling away I went to start my well-rehearsed monologue but before I got a chance Mr. Cheese stole my spotlight. "Please don't go. I miss you." He said, voice breaking under every word whilst fighting back tears that threatened to spill over onto his cheeks. Standing there in Kings Cross St Pancras there was still so much left to say. I wanted to scream at Mr. Cheese how obvious it is that this is right. How much I miss him as well. How I crave his attention and how I long for every part of him - His eyes, his beard, his lips, his hands, his hair. Hell even the tippee boobs and chest wig I will miss and all the little things that annoyed me about him.

In a way I saw that history was repeating itself in a way. Mr. Cheese had been in a similar situation only a year beforehand when a close family member passed away. Whilst I felt awful for having to do this now but I couldn't see any other way of fixing it. With his words I knew exactly what he wanted to say. I understood that Mr. Cheese missed me and I knew he didn't want me to go either but I think what he really wanted to say was 'I need you'. Gathering up the rest of my courage I pulled myself together to finish the show. I concluded with I had to go and that I will always love him. Kissing him softly and hearing my heart crack yet again I walked away, blending into the city crowds. As hot wet tears steamed I wondered where it had all gone wrong and if there was any hope of it blossoming again. But no. The chance was given and the choice was made. Now we have to lye in the beds that we made. Alone. 

A relaxing spa, massage and a drink with an friend took the edge off my afternoon engagement however as the journey home took a hold I could help but well-up again and so terminated my Friday; Crying all the way home listening to Maroon 5 and Ed Sheeran. Oh how break-ups fail to disappoint. As Dad has always said - Its always better in the morning (Meaning issues, not sex although it is a valid point to make that sex in the morning is just as fun as when the sun goes down). Upon rising from my bed on Saturday morning with the acknowledgement that I have less than ten hours to put together all my furniture with the help of Papa and turn my flat into a home ready for my house-warming not to mention cramming in some food shopping and relaxy-time. After spending the day calming my father down about the 'poxy wardrobe' and 'wanking bed' (don't quite know how either of those are possible for inanimate objects but there you go, Dad logic) I then embarked on some food shopping and tidying for the evenings entertainment. 

As I introduced the party guests to my humble home I was bombarded with Oohs and Ahhs and a steady flow of compliments from all and as we continued into the night I was glad I had something to occupy myself with although was fully aware that I still wasn't myself after yesterday's meeting. Saturday soon turned to Sunday and after waking up in all the wrong places, me and my entourage headed out for breakfast and not forgetting that I was having a date that afternoon with Mr. Minigolf I made sure to look my best. Unfortunately just after finishing breakfast I received a incredulous message that my date would have to be called off due to a break-in and that Mr. Minigolf and I would have to rearrange our little date for another time. In all honesty I think maybe some 'pieds froids' have taken hold although I am optimistic that we do want to meet-up at some point.

So that was my weekend, a somewhat bitter/sweet affair tinged with unfortunate incidents and sprinkled with erupting laughter and friends. Whilst the door is beginning to close on the saga with Mr. Cheese, I did receive a message from him asking to talk. I explained that I am more than happy to talk and to listen to what he has to say but I have said everything I want to a million times before, and whilst I cant see what difference it will make, I am happy to hear him out. Until that happens though I hope that I can get better and make life a little more happier than it has been ...

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx

A Move, A Promotion And A Dating Dilemma

Hiya, 

So after last week's fiasco involving the ever-alluring Mr. Cheese, my life in other areas has well surpassed my expectations. 

Ripping myself from my bed sheets I realised horribly that it was a Thursday morning again and not a Friday as I had hoped for. Asking myself what I should wear today I threw on a skirt and shirt combo and headed out the door to my car share. The day itself ticked along nicely until lunch whereby I had planned a lunch-date with my Dad's girlfriend who works just round the corner from me. Almost instantly conversation turned to Mr. Cheese and his disappointing absence from my world. Spending nearly an hour consuming ourselves with men problems I needed to return to my office and so we left. Upon arrival at my desk everything seemed normal. As the time dragged on more people started returning from their own lunch breaks. I thought nothing of it. Then I noticed people gossipping and a slow buzz took over the accounting department as mouths were twitching with a hum of knowledge. Now a few weeks ago it was apparent that our Administrator would be going on maternity leave very shortly to have a bouncy baby boy (well I'm hoping that they don't test him on the bouncy front, pretty sure that would kill the little mite). The company had started interviews for her role and I decided I would apply. Only I was too late. By the time I got to my manager's office to talk to her, the vacancy had been filled. No worries though, I already had a job I loved and would apply for something else if and when it came up. 

Within a few days there was a new face in the office and someone new to share the banter. Nevertheless a fortnight later here I was, at my desks, my fellow workers getting worked up about something. All of a sudden a colleague appeared by my side. Nothing unusual. "Probably some question I could help with" I thought, although I was secretly shitting myself thinking maybe I had done something wrong and that was the end of the line for me! Quite the opposite really. After turning to address the slim-figured women I was asked if I wanted the position of Credit Control Administrator? Stunned I asked why as the position had already been filled. It was then I found out what everyone was nattering about. The lady whom had been taken on in favour of 'yours truly' had disappeared and it was thought that she had simply done a runner on her lunch break, never to return again. As a grin started splitting my face, I knew I had bagged myself that illusive permanent job I had been searching for. Well for a year at least. Over the coming days I was told that the company would match my salary and I would benefit from holiday pay, sick pay and the option to join a pension scheme. Now truth be told most women tend not to return after a baby but even if the mom-to-be does come back I will have been grateful for the experience and appreciative for the opportunities it has given me. Today was my first day shadowing and I now have a further fortnight to gain all knowledge before the labour ward calls on the young-parent. 

So that's the work life, now onto the lurve life! Since the separation from suave Mr. Cheese, I have found myself bombarded with suitors from every angle; Dating websites, apps and just generally meeting people. Just so happens that between moving house, socialising with friends, going out with work, unpacking and bagging myself a career I have also managed to finally squeeze in a date. Whom you may ask? That little fortuitous Mr. Rockclimber. Following a lengthy conversation consisting of messages, SnapChat's and the odd text over the past three-months we finally decided enough was enough and that we needed to meet each other. 

Wrapping up warm and making sure that the new place was clean and tidy I forced myself into the cold, nearly-midnight air of Bedfordshire. "What are you doing?" I thought to myself. Truth be told I didn't know. What I did know was that it was very cold and I was meeting a man who I had been talking to for the past twelve weeks in a pub a short walk from my new flat at a very late hour in the evening. Upon meeting we shared a hug and ventured into the warmth for a beer. Conversation of good sorts followed - Food, the weather, friends and some funny little anecdotes I have also shared with you lot. But I think it was safe to say that I had pretty much made up my mind as soon as we locked eyes. Whilst I yearn to move on from the indecisive Mr. Cheese I am unable to. I wanted so much for Mr. Rockclimber to be a welcome distraction and a new lease of life for my young, wild and lustful intentions. Regardless of this fact he did indeed stay over that night, purely and simply because he was unable to get back home until the following morning. To answer your burning question - Yes we did. Strangely it was everything that I would have asked from a bed-partner; Romantic, hard, rough and yet so unbelievably soft and gentle with his hands that I swooned under his touch. But nothing. Nothing at all. I wanted to feel something. But all this encounter do for me was make me realise that my lactose-intolerance is not cured by finding someone else. Sadly I feel that Mr. Rockclimber and I wont work out. 

In fact, I wonder if I ever will sometimes - Meet the right one that is. Life was so uncomplicated and smooth running with Mr. Cheese it hard to imagine him not in it any more. I wish so hard that I could be simple and just "go with the flow" (Maaaaan) but I can't. I'm a girl. A women. I like cuddles and snuggles and bubbles of the belly variety. Mr. Cheese and I had a love-story to rival Disney; But instead of skipping off happily-ever-after, I'm indulging myself in any possible activity to take my mind off him - Secretly hoping he'll be beneath my window one day.

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx