Blast From The Past!

Hello there, 


Sushi. Is. Life. After the past year maybe of eating shop faux Sushi made from a combination of chicken and seafood, I have finally made the leap to a mainstream sushi bar. Yo! Sushi in Milton Keynes is I am sure probably farthest from genuine and authentic and Asian or Japanese influenced cuisine, however without the luxury of the big smoke to indulge my curiosities in I was forced to seek out as close to the real thing as I can get my little mitts on, Cali-rolls and Spice-Tuna-Things for the win! 

To say that I thoroughly enjoyed seeing Miss Tweedle-Dee and it was good to try new things whilst doing my favourite thing with my wages and in my preferred method or socialising, eating out. I am not quite sure what made me feel so good about sushi and hanging out with my best friend - Maybe it was the delight of combining my two favourite things or maybe it was the fact that I was feeling much better in myself. A a good catch up and long chat about anything and everything life had to offer us at the moment was certainly what I needed. Whilst my counselling and therapy has stopped for the short time whilst I am between therapists and Private Vs. NHS, I am taking my medication which seems to be doing it's job. 

Not long before we finished our meal and headed home I approach the subject that I had been wanting to bring up for a while. I felt as though my Tweedles were about the only people I could talk openly and honestly about how I felt without being judged or criticised. Not even Mr. Warehouse would understand I think?! You see waaay back in the days of short pleated school skirts and thick black eyeliner, there was one of the first Mr's in my life. Mr. Woof. Now let me introduce Mr. Woof to you all, (unless you have been reading along since the beginning and then you will already know who Mr. Woof well and truly is from the Viewer Discretion / NSFW earlier days of writing). 

Mr. Woof and I had been friends since meeting in the second year of High School and pretty much as soon as we met our liaisons began. In class and the playground, Mr. Woof was quite shy when it came to being in 'public' as it were with me, even being seen around each other was a no-no, but away from it all and what I used to refer to as the "spotlight" he was a completely different person, almost caring or even loving in a way, something that was never shown when around others. As we got older the intensity was stepped up with more secret meets at lunch and break, soon progressing to after school and even into our Saturday morning GCSE revision classes. But the more we played with each other, both metaphorically and emotionally the more I suffered. The double life we both lead between not talking to each other and almost bullying each other whilst in the company of friends and others was a stark comparison to the electricity we shared alone. But I knew what I was doing, course I did, any sixteen year old does. It was fun and I enjoyed the secrecy of it all. The secret little affair with the boy who I had a stupidly major crush on for ages and who was dating one of my closest school friends. Yeah, I definitely thought I knew it all (and probably still do) thinking that it will all be so different when we leave High School and go to Sixth Form or College, we can finally be together! Haha what a fool ... 

After school ended we went our separate ways, developed as people and went into study. I went on to have several partners, settling down with a few serious ones who loved me no matter the company we were in. Whereas Mr. Woof attempted university, dropped out only to discovered drink and drugs all the while continuing to think that his rock band would become the next big thing. Over the years he turned into something of a misogynistic womaniser and was well known for being a Harlequin around town. Nevertheless though Mr. Woof made an appearance throughout my love-life, weather I was with someone or not, however it must be noted that none of my ex-partners ever took a liking to him and we were always strictly friends when I was in a relationship as being faithful has always been something I fiercely uphold after some hiccups in my earlier years of teenage-living and my fathers betrayal. 

Mr. Woof and I had lost contact for a while after Mr. Workaholic had banned me from communicating with him, but got back in touch a few months after we split. It started as it always had and at that moment the friendly voice of someone familiar was just what I craved. At the time I was amidst a messy break-up Miss Tweedle-Dee handed me the trilogy of books by E. L James; 'Fifty Shades of Grey', 'Fifty Shades Darker' and 'Fifty Shades Freed'. I. Was. Hooked. I couldn't put them down, like everyone I suppose. I decided then to embark on something of my own contract. We had come a long way from my Teenage Dreams Days and so after getting back in contact, Mr. Woof and I began another momentary lapse of loosing our inhibitions and giving into our lustfulness for something we knew so well. Only this time I had some level of control. I had just come out of a long term relationship and wanted something intimate, exciting and confidence boosting. Something NSA to make me smile and brighten up my otherwise gloomy days. I suppose in a sense he was the rebound?! When I talk about it like that it seems as though Mr. Woof was using me to the highest of advantages; abusing the trust and vulnerability of an old friend who was dealing with heartbreak. But I was as much to blame in that as he was. I wanted and needed attention.  I was lacking it both in my job as well as socially as friends and family who lived far from my door. I needed a little something I could dip into as and when I wanted and we weren't hurting anyone. 

After sometime however the novelty soon wore off and we again drifted apart, not through Malice or animosity but simply due to life moving off. Over the next few years of difficult dating dilemmas and finally finding someone I really care about I will be honest and say that I thought about Mr Woof less and less. Until that is the other day when I stumbled across an old social media page. I had seen his profile picture and was intrigued to see what he was up to and we had both changed. I knew that he had got married and settle down with some plain-Jane type. I was certainly not prepared for what was to come. 

Clicking the pages on his social media I discovered that not only had he propose and dedicated his life in marriage, but that he now had a child. Knocking me sideways I was taken aback. I don't know, it is not that I am jealous of his wife and young family, far from it and if anything I am glad that he has found his calling in life as a Dad. Maybe it was the fact that in all of our time together, on or off, we had never discussed marriage or kids, even if the intention was not each other. Then again he is a man and they do not tend to discuss marriage for kids as women do. It is just a little surreal for me to think that someone I thought would never even get married or settle down with anyone is now a father and husband. Oh how things change I suppose. 

It has been playing on my mind a lot over the last few days since finding out last week and I just can't put my finger on it. But as I explained in depth and detail, more than I have here to you, Miss Tweedle-Dee looked at me with a strange expression played across her face as the sushi Carousel continue unknowingly. She didn't need to tell me twice that I was sounding weird and creepy. I came away from our short and brief conversation about Mr. Woof and his family with a heaviness in my heart knowing that time is inevitably ticking along and will soon catch up with me if I am not careful and seeing someone I knew happy makes me feel a little weird about adulting now in the real world. Ahhh someone take me back to the simpler days of Emo bands, short pleated school skirts and thick black eyeliner! 

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx

A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More Nostalgia!

Hello Dear's, 

So after last week, sunning it up in the not-so-party-town of Kavos on the Greek island of Corfu I am glad to be back in the swing of things here at home in England. I have settled back into reality nicely and with the build up to Christmas well on its way I am excited more than ever for what the coming weeks are going to be bringing me in terms of socialising and fun-times. 

Although last week was a chance for me to indulge myself in music with friends, Miss Tweedle-Dee and Miss Tweedle-Dumb. A chance to escape back to the days of school, exams and secret rendezvous with class mates after the bell had rung! Back to the days before rent was due and my desk was seeing more of me than my little flat. Back then the walls of my bedroom were plastered with posters of Indie boy bands and "Emo" musicians. I was a fully fledged "Emo" with long hair, blacked eyes and a taste for the dark side. One band that adorned my bedroom and many a front cover of school text books was a band called Fall Out Boy. Now you have been warned, this is me going into full blown fan-girl mode, so watch out!

So ... Super hot cutie, Patrick Stump, heads up the band and has been playing the role commonly known as Fat-Pat (or at least in my friend circle) since before I became obsessed with them in 2007/2008. Also in the band is Penis-show-off, Pete Wentz (Penis Picture can be seen here for those that did not get enough of it last time). Other Fall Out Boy members also include that awesome drummer, Andy Hurley, who looks strangely like my first boyfriend Mr. Ginge and not to forget Tim Burton Wanna-Be, Guitarist Joe Trohman (the resemblance is uncanny). They were formed back in America somewhere probably when I was still running around with my hair in pigtails and singing something by Aqua. 

Several years later I find myself singing the lyrics to songs I just knew were written for me and my teenage angsty love affairs with boys who never noticed me. Those albums and songs bonded me and my father in a united passion of rock and punk as he also had a love of the dark side, and with bands such as Green Day and ACDC playing a role in my Dad's life growing up, they also formed a part of mine. But were a misunderstood bunch us Emo, Scene-Kid, Goth, and many other variants are all seen in the same line as freaks and outcasts from society, at least that's how I saw and felt it back in school. My friend circle back then was a mixture of all sorts of young people that didn't fit into the normal stereotypes of school - The Geeks, The Jocks, The Preps, The Populars. I and my friends were none of those. So we took ahold of a small bit of land near the library and called ourselves The Unwanted. 

Nevertheless I grew up from those days with a clear outline of what I wanted from life but more importantly who I was and who I am inside. I am a rock chick through and through and when faced with any opportunity of going out on the town, even to this very day, I don a thick black smokey eye. So I suppose music did in a way shape my future as well as my past and the band called Fall Out Boy was a massive part of it. So of course I was over the moon and back with joy when I found out that my girlie's, Miss Tweedle-Dee and Miss Tweedle-Dumb had not only bought me tickets to go and see Dreamboys (this coming Friday and to be widely discussed next week) but also tickets to see my beloved Fall Out Boy. 

Belting out the lyrics to Sugar Were Going Down and Dance Dance, standing in an extremely hot and sweaty Wembley Arena next to my best-est friends in the whole wide world I knew that I had grown up a lot since the last time I saw Fall Out Boy live. Much had happened since the last time I had seen there face as again part of special birthday outing. But this time I felt much older than some of the other teeny-bops there. Which got me wondering ... Should I hang up the fingerless leather gloves and throw dinner parties instead of heading out out? Naah!

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx

College Days!

Hi There, 

Another week down and only a few more left until Christmas is here and already I'm like a kid in a sweet shop. So after a lazy weekend in decorating my little flat with Miss Tweedle-Dee and Miss Tweedle-Dumb and having a good old girlie sleepover I am glad to have time to myself this weekend what with not seeing Mr. Cheese and all. Its not that we didn't want to see each other because we did, it was just the fact that getting anywhere on public transport in the UK is such a ball-ache and so very expensive. Although a quiet weekend in has left me craving another night out with my fellow single wing-women, Miss Chocolate. Oh the fun we used to have in college, or outside of it as the case may be. We had some wild times, most of which was fuelled by alcohol and exploits of a naughty nature. It was on one of these occasions that I fell arse over tit for a boy whose wardrobe was more colourful than Elton Johns and had more complications that flat pack furniture. Meet Mr. Babycakes ... 

Ever since I first started College back in September 2009 there have been many people that I fancied that have come and gone with the change in seasons. It was my first few months in College where I met one of my closest friends, Miss Chocolate. At first she wasn't my cup of tea but after spending a few projects larking around and filming together we soon became the best of friends. She knew all my secrets including who I was crushing on and all the gossip and drama that came with it. And despite being labelled the 'married couple' of our year we had some laughs including our first College trip away. Up until the last day of our College trip had been a bit of a downer. Whilst the filming was fun and exciting and I enjoyed being in front of the camera I was missing home and my Dad especially. It was very unlike me to get home-sick, but somehow I was. The last day of the holiday was upon us and as filming commenced I thought about how the holiday had gone and as the clapper went down our Tutor yelled it was a wrap and we all hugged and cheered before heading off to get ready for the after-parties that followed. 

I didn't really feel in the party mood and hadn't really brought anything to wear anyhow. "I'll just sit in with a good book" I thought. Be a loner. As everyone left our Tutors Chalet come Studio to start a night of complete mayhem and drinking I stayed behind to change out of my costume and back into normal clothes. Mr. Babycakes, my on-screen boyfriend; Who was that last person to leave and just before I went to change I asked him to wait for me so I wouldn't be alone. He obliged and stuck about until I was finished changing. We left our Tutor's 'Studio' shortly after and Mr. Babycakes offered to walk me back to the Chalet I shared with Miss Chocolate and some other College friends. As I explained that I didn't have the key so there would be not much point we started to walk in the freezing night air. It started to rain and it wasn't before long that I was shivering and getting wet. Kindly, Mr. Babycakes slipped his arm around my waist and I copied. We were a friendly bunch in College; always hugging and kissing one another so this whilst felt romantic and lovely didn't come across as such at first. 

Walking along the gravel roads that crunched beneath our feet I explained that there really was no point in us going back to mine without a key and if we wanted it then we would have to walk all the way down to the sea front in the freezing and now getting heavier down pour to collect it. Suddenly we stopped outside an unfamiliar and vacant Chalet and Mr. Babycakes mentioned how he thought I was cold. I said that I was and he quickly hugged me, unzipping his Mr. Babycakeset and wrapping me in it. This meant that we were now very, very close. I liked it. In fact, I liked him. From the moment we first started college in September I had fancied him, but he was pushed aside as I was in a different group to him as well as social status too. But nevertheless I wasn't complaining about being this close to him, and apparently, neither was he. Mr. Babycakes asked me if there was anything wrong, I had seemed a bit dull and upset. I explained that it was my character to be gloomy and bitter. He replied smartly with something about if it had anything to do with missing my Dad. I agreed. How did he know that? Miss Chocolate probably, I know she would have been trying to get us talking more what with me crushing on him a little. With this he gave me a cuddle. I love his cuddles; he was so gentle and sweet. Our heads started to become very close. Very, very close and it wasn't long before our foreheads and noses were touching as we gazed into each other’s eyes. in the crisp, wet twilight. 

"We probably shouldn’t be here; it’s a family Chalet, mines just over here." I said taking some much needed control of the situation. Together, Mr. Babycakes and I continued to walk along the gravely path towards my Chalet, talking about my Dad and filming over the past week. Once we arrived I trotted up and past the front window and I wrestled with the door handle. The lights were on but there was no-one home. Everyone was out and the doors were locked. "As they should be" I thought, my laptop is in there. And again we found ourselves entwined together hugging and cuddling as I rested my head on his shoulder, nearly ready to fall asleep as I felt so comfortable with him. Mr. Babycakes and I stood there in a warm embrace for what seemed like ages. Stood there, directly in between the two lit doors to the Chalet I did not possess a key to. As I pulled away from the hug I caught his eyes and instantly forgot what I was about to say and just stared as he did too. Shiny and blue like a polished gem. The silence was finally broken when he quietly whispered the fact that our on screen kiss was knocked off the schedule after he fell ill on the second day of filming and we had to cast another person to play the part. 

Typical me and without thinking; I shocked both of us when I said in a husky voice that we could just kiss anyway. Mr. Babycakes seemed to enjoy what I had just said and took it as the green light to continue with anything else he had in mind. I soon realised what I had said and apologised and yet again I was interrupted by his sparkly eyes. Slowly the sentence trailed off as our heads began to move closer together, and as we commenced the part where our skin touched our heads started to lean to one side my mind was screaming with joy! As it started to rain heavier our lips locked, and we began to kiss passionately under the night sky. We continued to kiss for a long time, gently testing the waters. Suddenly my ears pricked up and apart from the rain I could hear footsteps in the wet gravel. Big footsteps. Heavy and very nearly upon us. Not wanting to get caught canoodling I reluctantly pulled away and as Mr. Babycakes collected himself a friend of Miss Chocolate’s walked round the corner waving a shiny, silver key. With a fag in his mouth Miss Chocolate’s associate handed me the key and I let us all in, grateful for the warmth. Pulling out my stash of smuggled alcohol I asked if my key-bearer was staying. 

"Nah can’t stay. Our Tutor is having a wrap party over at his, he's finished filming. Are you coming?" The key-man asked, his cigarette bouncing up and down like mad as he continued to talk with it hanging out of his mouth. I declined. As he left I locked the door, unsure as to why I was locking it and when I was going to be unlocking it and what would be happening in between then and now. A short silence was raising its head as I asked if Mr. Babycakes was leaving too. He too declined. I asked if he would like a drink. He said yes. As I went to pour the Vodka into tumblers, Mr. Babycakes broke the quietness with a question. 

"OK, well we can either forget that ever happened as of tomorrow or continue with it and go with the flow?" I stopped in my tracks as he said this and began to reflect upon what I should say. "Forget it tomorrow? Surely if you’re going to forget something you would forget it now, wouldn't you?" I said as a smile played across my face. I looked over to him and he looked uncomfortable and not sure as to what to say to explain himself. I don't think Mr. Babycakes expected such an answer to come back. “Touche” I thought. As I handed him a drink and took my seat next to him on the couch. Instantly I turned to face him, paying no attention at all to the television that he had switched on upon his arrival. No sooner than I had a chance to sit down and the flirting and teasing commenced. It started with playful hand and knee touching as we talked, progressing further to full blown seductiveness in everything that we did. 

I would play with his hair as he whispered in my ear. I would lean in close and reply in hushed tones. Mr. Babycakes seemed to enjoy this, a little more than one should when he has prior engagements. Nevertheless he didn't decline to my advances and proceeded to tell me exactly what they were doing to him, keeping no graphic details to himself. This in turn lead us to kissing again and this time I decided to turn up the heat a bit by softly biting his lower lip. Surprisingly you would think that he might want to pull away, since it is me that were on about here. Not exactly Sleeping Beauty am I. But for some unknown reason that I was not planning to confront, he didn't. Now you may be starting to think that this was happening all because of that drink. Well you would be wrong. I had one sip before sitting down with him and Mr. Babycakes hadn't even bothered with his. We were both completely sober. So you can imagine my amazement when he had told me that I was a good girl and I needed a treat. And yes. Indeed he did class that as a treat for me and not at all a for himself. Mr. Babycakes and I teased for the majority of the evening, seeing how far we could push each other. Turns out the floors the limit. With my knees firmly fixed in the short pile of my seaside Chalet. 

Standing back in the lounge of the Chalet I prepared to go outside and into the cold night air again by shoving on my coat and boots. When Mr. Babycakes wasn’t looking, I quickly took a swig of neat vodka to cushion the blow I had just encountered. As I turned to collect the keys from the sideboard, Mr. Babycakes gave me a hug but as we pulled away he went in to kiss me. I turned away positive that he would not approve of the lingering taste in my mouth. He looked at me and gathered what I was trying to say. Then he simply kissed me softly on my cheek. I think at that point I had melted and realised that I wanted him all to myself. Mr. Babycakes kissed me several times on the cheek before we left, departing separate ways to our own group of peers saying that we needed to exchange numbers sometime. 

Oh yes. How myself and Miss Chocolate had some gossip to share in College. I'm surprised we passed. I am sure that we have many more years to party on as wing-man and wing-woman. 

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx