Hiya!
The weekend was certainly going well and started back on Friday evening when I was told by my Personal Trainer that I have exceeded all expectations and lost a further twelve-centimeters off my waist this week, along with many more inches lost elsewhere. Over the moon with the results of the last few weeks hard work I got back into my little Orange car and called someone who I knew would be glad to hear from me. Dominos! Yes I admit I fell off the wagon slightly and ordered pizza for Mr. Warehouse and I, collecting it as I drove home in glee.
Saturday morning I woke early to kindly take Mr. Warehouse in for his early morning shift working overtime. Aren't I such a nice girlfriend! But despite my dawn rise, I still came home and fell right back into bed slumbering until mid-morning. Meeting my Nanny Pumpkin in the horrid weather for a spot of lunch and a walk round some Museum's in Bedford we talked about all sorts as we normally would, touching upon how my poorly grandfather was and how she is yet to become a great-grandma.
Fast forward a few hours and I was out of the cold and wet, instead sat round the glass coffee table, enjoying a bottle of wine and laughing along at some NSFW material games I got for Christmas. I was certainly enjoying some much deserved Girlie time with my besties, Miss Tweedle-Dee and Miss Tweedle-Dumb who was up from Basingstoke for the weekend. The luxury this time was that Miss Tweedle-Dee's Brother and family were away for the weekend and as such had a Puppy to look after. A bonus in itself you may think, and rightfully so it would be ... Had it not been for the steaming Hot Tub outside! After a dip we came back inside to warm up and dry off, settling down to watch some YouTubers and Vloggers I had never heard of. Then in the fits of giggles I recognized a familiar face. It was none other that an old school friend of mine, Lorraine Mulrooney. Her Mousey complexion and timid voice had not changed since our classroom days and I was pleased to hear that she was doing well. Or not as the case may seem.
Watching a Video uploaded only recently it started with tears and in it was captioned something about an update on life so far, or something like that. I was devastated to hear that despite all the wonderful things that has happened in her life since our last encounter - Meeting a wonderful guy it seems, having a little girl and starting what appears to be a successful YouTube channel things were not good. Listening to the heartbreak as she described in emotional detail the reasoning for the tears I wondered how much pain one person can endure. It was a video that sadly described the terrible loss that miscarriage brings to not only the women carrying the child but also the whole family. Not one or even two but five lost babies this women had experienced, all of them with little or no explanation.
In the UK miscarriage is the most common complication with any pregnancy with an estimated quarter-of-a-million babies and fetuses lost each year. Medical studies show that between fifteen and twenty percent of all pregnancies end in miscarriage in the first twelve weeks. But even when you are past the all important first and even second trimester, you are still not out of the woods just yet. One in every two-hundred babies born in the UK are stillborn and figures state that it is fifteen times more common that cot death. And yet no-one knows a definitive answer as to why this keeps happening to would-be parents up and down the UK.
I cannot even begin to understand or even imagine what a women must go through to see those little lines on a pregnancy test to all of a sudden it being snatched away from you. All the thoughts and feelings you had. All the dreams and hopes for the future. What they would look like, what they would be like. All gone. You will never find out if they had their Daddies nose or even if they inherited your mothers stubbornness. Forever guessing what they would be like as a teenager and wondering what sort of person they will grow into. All of this disappearing almost as if it never existed. I can't fathom what it would take to go through the loss of a pregnancy and all it brings let alone having to bring a sleeping bairn into the world so cruel enough to not let you meet.
I have yet to experience anything close to motherhood and pray that when I finally get to the point in my life where children would be nice that its journey to my arms is safe and hope that I never have to experience what some amazing women in my life as well as old school pals have had to ensure. But one thing stands out in all these women and that is there incredible ability to sweep it under the carpet, hiding it from all to see. Ladies it is your grief and you should not be ashamed or shy of it. Don't hide it, bring it out into the open and lets talk about your beautiful gift, stolen too soon. Lets cry and hug it out because whilst you will never "get over it" as some people might encourage you to do, life will adjust accordingly and because we are strong together and we will heal, little by little and piece by piece.
Anyone who is suffering right now and feels like they want to chat, either to me (not that I may be very much help of course) or to a professional, please feel free to speak out and try some of the wonderful organisations who specialize in Miscarriage, Stillborn and lost pregnancies such as Sands, The Miscarriage Association and Tommy's.
'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx
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