Past and Present

Evening Guys,
 
And so this week begins. A week - up until this evening was normal. The weekend to be honest was very uneventful whereby I spent the entire thing lying in my bed only to come out of my self-made 'Lady-Cave' for food and a shower. Sums me up perfectly really.
 
Tonight Miss Tweedle-Dumb and Miss Tweedle-Dee coming round to have a catch up after I have had my dinner and they have been hiding in a pub round the corner for fear of embarrassing themselves in front of my Dad who has known them for years. Regardless the evening started in good spirit, laughing and joking as we reminisced of the good old days. We talked a little of Mr. Coffee, but not as much as I would have liked given the fact that he is still on my brain.
 
We have arranged a girlie weekend away to Newcastle at the beginning of March and am looking forward to it alot, if a little apprehensious about the the trip to an area of the country that holds such painful and vivid connotations and memories. In the pasted I have visited twice, both times with my Ex - Mr. Workaholic. As well as that we watched YouTube.com videos, discussed fashion and planned our holiday to Majorca (I know - its changed). It has now been booked and paid for ... Shhh - Don't tell Daddy! Playing around on my old and  faithful laptop I stumbled across some photos of us from when we were kids and started to flick. Only when I tried to escape did they catch the folder I had long forgotten contained the first trip abroad I had ever taken. With Mr. Workaholic. And his mother and partner. Tad awkward you could say. Upon closer inspection of the lost archive of photos and memoirs they found the videos that documented the very last days of my relationship with Mr. Workaholic as I knew it. Pawing through the videos I began to see just how blind I was to it all and how much of a good liar he was.
 
Don't get me wrong it wasn't a relationship that ended badly in the sense that there was infidelity or anything, just that he felt there was more out there than me and he wanted to find it all out. Mr. Workaholic had felt like this for a long time apparently and throughout that holiday everything seemed to change and his head started to wonder more than before. The videos were a stark and brutally honest reminder of how things genuinely used to be - Play fights that got out of hand, annoying each other, Mr. Workaholic putting me down or making foul comments, but also laughs and giggles and happiness. There was no playing up to the camera, or exaggerating anything. Just a true and honest relationship that would blossom further as the years rolled by. But that never came to be as in the coming weeks things became clearer to Mr. Workaholic and he decided to call it off in late Spring - nearly a year ago.
 
Miss Tweedle-Dumb and Miss Tweedle-Dee found the footage amusing and laughable both at my expense and Mr. Workaholic's. I however struggled to hear the voices of a happier time, let alone look at the screen that would clearly display what I lost. Holding back tears and the swelling that was getting bigger in my throat I soldiered on because I knew that my friends wanted to see them. See into a world that was exclusive to us and see what it was like, maybe trying to work out where it all went wrong. They would never admit it but they could see how happy I was with him and how devastated I was having to relive every bit of it just for there enjoyment. I looked at the screen several times and after building up enough courage and immunity to the films I decided to watch the next one in full without turning away. I couldn't. "And here comes my girlfriend..." a friendly voice chirped happily as I appeared on camera. I shut it down as the girls turned to each other and one let out an "Awwh" As we continued through the collection of little home-movies I found it harder. but not as hard as the last few.
 
One of the last clips to play was the hardest. I double-clicked to open it and on came the screen, filled with my face and his. Mr. Workaholic. He kissed my on the cheek. He said "I love you" He cuddled me. I started to crumble. It finished playing and as I looked back at my trusted pals I started to sob. I felt so stupid. Why should I be crying over something that was over nearly a year ago? Comforting words were given and a few apologetic rubs of the arm, mixed in with many bad language to describe Mr. Workaholic's attitude towards me in some of the less upbeat videos. I know they felt bad about forcing me to watch them but I needed to. It will make me stronger and better in the long run. You need to give someone a shot of poison before they get better. After that they swiftly left, not before scarring my mind with an indecent video of young lady trying to digest a sanitary component. They know I hate talking about periods .... Ewwww - even typing makes me feel like throwing up. Just for the record I call that time of the month 'Carrie' as the first 8 minutes of the Hollywood-flick Carrie completely sums how I feel about it up. If you haven't seen it then you need to. YouTube.com it now!
 
I am now sitting on the edge of my bed contemplating the fact that this has opened up a Pandora's box that I never wanted to return to, and now I am, especially after such recent issues as Mr. Coffee, It makes me wonder weather calling the whole thing off with him was a good idea. Mr. Workaholic was nice at times but he was also very mean and degrading to me where as Mr. Coffee is nice and sweet. He is all holding hands and kissing on the cheek. I like that. I like him. Maybe I should do something about it?

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx