Teenage Dreams!

Hello Fellow Humans, 

I have finished with my Googling of Teeth Fetish's and Horny Dental Nurse Porn. Instead I have set my sights the bookshelf of my youth. Ahh yes, my teenage diaries!

I shall invite you this evening into the world of Pre-TATOATS. A universe before the wonderment of college and complicated-ness of adult life as I know it now. First entry is from 2008, a year I remember for all the wrong reasons; Turning seventeen, getting my first boyfriend, first girls holiday abroad with Miss Tweedle-Dumb, Prom, Finishing School, Exams and my parents divorce, not to mention what the subsequent months entailed ... 

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01 January 2008
Dear Diary, 
OMG! First day of 2008 and I sat on my bum and did nothing all day. Well not all day but hey-ho! I made a video for Miss Tweedle-Dee (yes I have known her that long!) about Miss Tweedle-Dee. I also watched The Mighty Boosh (of which I am still an avid fan!) and wow it is actually amazzzzing! I love The Mighty Boosh and I love Noel Fielding. He is fit!  Noel Fielding is the best thing ever and I want his babies! Anyway, as I was saying. January. I have lots of things planned already like seeing Elliot Minor (some unknown, unsigned student emo-band I used to be into that apparently made it big!?). So New Years Day means New Years Resolutions which in turn mean that I will make stupid, pathetic little rules about life that I will attempt to follow and yet after two weeks fail miserably and be found in the corner of my music class scoffing galaxy chocolate and lusting after Mr. Woof (yes and him!) as per usual! OMG! that first sentence was so gay?! LOL! (my twenty-year-old self is still impressed with how much Sass I had back then!)
9pm - OK so now I am upstairs and upset. I am so fucked off right now! Stupid brother and his provoking attitude. Little dick splash. Who does he think he is winding me up like that. Needs to grow some pubes the little Knob Stain! Grrrr!

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13 February 2008
Dear Diary, 
So right now I am sitting on my bed listening to my devil of a brother sing The hills are alive. Well I wish they were alive so they would swallow you whole you pathetic little worm. Also went to town today with Miss Tweedle-Dumb and I am really glad as I think I unearthed some home-truths. She said that I bounce from Guy to Guy and am a bit of a pinball when it comes to boys, latching myself onto them and getting hurt. Maybe this is because I have never had a proper boyfriend before or been in a real relationship. I hate to say it but I think she is right. (safe to say that my teenage years only reflected directly onto my twenties love-life)

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14 April 2008
Dear Diary, 
Well today has been boring! Although it has gone rather fast and unusually exciting! OMG! LOL! PMSL! ROTFL! LMAO! OK so I am walking home from school and I glance over and see Mr. Prom (a guy I fancied in the first year of High school, went off him for a while and then fell in love with him just before Prom, asked him to be my date at prom, he agreed, we flirted for a while but he never came Prom shopping with me and we didn't get round to sorting anything out for the big night so we never went to Prom together. He became Prom King, some bitch became Prom Queen and I think he is now studying Fitness and playing Rugby at University somewhere in Kent!). Then I hear as I turn away and smile subtly him sing beautifully that song from Pretty Women. I mean Wow! I'm in love! I heart R.C!

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02 June 2008
Dear Diary, 
Nicola (whoever she was) is such a bitch-whore! (at this point teen-me has drawn a picture of a stick man with a hairy bearded fact and wearing a skirt with a dick popping out) God I hate her so much! Apparently I am doing my new job as a school cleaner all wrong and not doing it properly! Well fuck you shit head! (Ahh yes now I know who Nicola was. She was my boss at the time. Large lady with Ginger frizzy hair like Merida from Disney's Brave. We all have those days at work don't we, even now I call people Bitch-whores in my head!)

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25/26 July 2008
Dear Diary, 
So off on holiday today to fucking France yet again (Despite me booking a holiday to Lyon in August this year with Mr. Warehouse - Clearly wasn't that bad!?) but at least this time I am with my bestie, Miss Tweedle-Dumb. So once we were on the Ferry and Mom, Dad and Brat Brother had pissed off to find some crappy-shitty reclining chairs, Miss Tweedle-Dumb and I thought we would do an all nighter. As we were on the deck though. Haha Poop Deck - LOL. Yeah so as we were on Deck watching the ocean we saw these two guys. Daring Dan and Magic Marc were their names. After stalking them for a while we got chatting. OMG! Dan is so cute (at later glances though I can assure you he was not!) and I think he is well into me (Definitely wasn't as I later found out through Myspace.com that he had a girlfriend)! What could possibly prepare Miss Tweedle-Dumb and I for what happened next. No we didn't have sex! Although I was so ready! (Haha, no I wasn't I was like sixteen and couldn't spell sex if I tried) Once we had stalked and captured our prey Miss Tweedle-Dumb and I took them to a secluded, dark and derelict part of the ship (No, not a ship, a ferry). Then IT happened! Dan was spewing some shit about how he gave free hugs (a Japanese thing that I think we all did at school as an excuse to let off some steam and grope one another) but also kisses for a pound. But me and Miss Tweedle-Dumb were "Skint" so we were allowed free ones. Miss Tweedle-Dumb was pounced upon with no warning. I was given a more gentle and slow passionate snog! OMG! He was a good kisser. Top five maybe! He was sooo cute about it. "Hair" he said to me as he pulled the hairs from my face and went in for the kill (as if this bloke was some kind of fucking vampire!?). Not gonna lie I have a super big crush on him and his Stars and Straps Hi-Tops! OMFG! He is so scene! Best Holiday ever! (Until years later we went on the first holiday with Miss Tweedle-Dee and Miss Tweedle-Dumb in Fuerteventura)

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Ahh What I didn't know was round the corner was yet more heart ache, but also fun and frivolous times ahead. As if there wasn't enough already!

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx

Souvenirs D'Adolescent

Bonjour, 

Comment ca va? Ca va bien. Apologies for the French opening to this week's post but I am just sooo excited! So as if living the American dream in Las Vegas this March with Miss Tweedle-Dee and Miss Tweedle-Dumb, a matter of weeks ago we booked our annual Budget-Budget holiday to the once party island of Kavos in Greece. And as if that wasn't enough for one little globe-trotter I have also booked a cheeky holiday with Mr. Warehouse too. And that is where the French comes in as we are off too Lyon!

Now don't get me wrong I am stoked for lilo-ing in the swimming pool of mine, Miss Tweedle-Dee's, Miss Tweedle-Dumb's apartment and finding real life human faeces on the steps of our chalet not to mention the crazy nights out whereby a mixture of Scottish bars, Whitney Houston, meat sweats and copious amounts of foreign alcohol lead to what can only be known now as 'The Butter Floor' incident. But that frolicking is over one-hundred days away. And whilst my last  boyfriend I went on holiday with decided to dump me several months later I feel that this one is different. Maybe its the fact that I have slaved over numerous holiday, hotel and flight websites looking for a getaway that is under two-hundred quid. It proved a struggle to find something that ticked all off mine and Mr. Warehouse's boxes - Under £200.00, in August, outside of term time, in the summer holidays and over the course of a bank holiday weekend. Yes it was an absolute struggle that had brought us to tears (literally) but finally we have found somewhere. 

Booking a flight from London Luton Airport to Lyon Saint-Exupery Airport for a five-night, relatively budgeted break away was just what we both needed, Mr. Warehouse more-so I think than my passport wielding self. You see with limited money we couldn't afford to go somewhere like Barcelona, Rome or Paris as I had hoped, let alone New York or something more exotic. But my interest in France stemmed from a long childhood spending my summers there on holidays with my family have left me feeling in need of the French lifestyle over the last few years. I want something sophisticated and sexy from a holiday with a Lover. Somewhere we can throw ourselves into and immerse ourselves with good food, great scenery and a wonderful passion for each other. I know it never worked out in my last holiday with a partner but I am hoping to rectify that although it does scare me to pieces that the same thing might happen again. At least I wont be going with Mr. Workaholics overpowering mother whom acts far from the age she was.

France was somewhere my family and I used to holiday regularly, and by regularly I mean like every sodding year from the age of six or seven until my parents divorce nearly eight years ago now. At the time I was too preoccupied with boys, friends and other teenage things to really appreciate the fact that while I got to go on holiday to the French Eastern Coast and Riviera my friends got to go on seemingly lavish holidays to Florida, Greece and Spain. Secretly I was jealous but now I am thankful for the many years I spent travelling around Northern Europe with my family, exploring places such as France, Belgium, Holland and Germany as well as my native country, Britain. That aside, I am more than excited about returning to somewhere I nearly called Mon Mansion! (Yes my parents nearly bought a second home there with the intention to emigrate and have us sent to much better French schools). I have downloaded an learning languages app on my phone, ordered a tonne of Breton stripped T-shirts and am preparing myself for a whole lot of food consumption. 

However, as I write to you now I am becoming increasingly sidetracked and unfocused as I am now surrounded with my adolescent diaries from years 2006 onwards and so have now rediscovered just how hilarious I once was. The thoughts of a littler me have me in stitches and as I now conclude today's post with an extract dated Tuesday 25th March 2008 I think to myself that maybe I shall post some more extracts one day. But for now I shall share with you a little part of sixteen-year-old A.Lou:

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"Dear Diary, 
Wow! You know if and when I find the right guy in High school, which I think I have its just amazing to find out that he just keeps surprising you with interesting facts you did not know about him. Number One - He rides a bike. One of the most sexiest, no, the most sexiest things a male can do is ride something macho. Wow! Number Two - He watches Skins which to some extent explains why we are compatible and are just meant to be together. Number Three - His hair looks so cute when its all fluffy and unbrushed like sex hair. Or Fuck hair. Yeah that sounds better, Fuck hair. Uhh Fuck Yeah Fuck hair. Anyhoo so intervention at school today was boring as hell but meh. I was interested slightly by a different reason to come into school. 
Lots of Love, Night Night :) xx"

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Established male-enthusiast since 1991 ... 

'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx