Following my slip up last week forgetting to take my happy pills, I am pleased to say that after reinstating my routine of popping my meds every morning life this last week has felt a little brighter. Previously I had tried to not give in to the need for medication in order to treat my depression but the truth is that I still need them, even if I have been feeling a little better. After speaking with the doctor last week however, she confirmed that it would not be wise to stop medication and advised that in most circumstances it take a minimum of six-months to kick in but can take much longer. The doctor had advised to continue also with counselling sessions and therapy as it had temporarily been put on hold as I had finished my previous sessions and now awaiting a appointment where I can be seen through the NHS however after being told it can be anywhere between three months up to eighteen months I am starting to consider if I need to go Privately to seek help.
With the house slowly progressing and the solicitors final searches now complete we are just awaiting the surveyor from the Mortgage company to confirm his findings and hand over our damned Mortgage Offer. I am still feeling positive but I am frustrated with not hitting our move in date of beginning of August. There is no move date as yet but following the survey to make sure that the house is worth the amount of money we are borrowing against it happening last week, hopefully we should hear back in the next couple of days with a date for our completion and exchange. I am almost certain after talking to different people at work and through other groups of friends that the process will speed along.
After months of being in a bit of a whirlwind of emotions and life events, I am hoping that it is coming to an end, although I know deep down I am just teetering on the edge of another drop. I feel, more so at the moment, that whilst I have crossed many a Ravine in the last few months emotionally, I am on the knife edge of what could potentially be another fall and just a small gust is all it would take to tip me over the edge. That scares me. With Mr and Mrs Tweedle-Dee's big move to America approaching fast, I am ever more doubtful that Mr. Warehouse and I will be in our new home by the time they leave. Whilst I am looking forward to sending my best friend off to a whole new world and life in sunny L.A, I just sometimes feel sad about it all.
I think it finally hit me (yet again) this weekend whilst celebrating Mr Warehouse's birthday on Saturday when we spent it in Southend-on-Sea together with Miss Tweedle-Dee and Mrs Tweedle-Dumb living our best lives in the arcades, indulging in a good-old British favourite, fish and chips by the seafront and watching the annual charity Parade and Carnival. Taking photos dancing and laughing along together I realised that this would probably be the last time we had together. In less than a few weeks I would be loosing an incredible friendship with Mrs Tweedle-Dumb and whilst I have some amazing people around me, nothing will ever replace my first ever best friend. I feel ashamed and guilty of my selfish thoughts when I think about Mrs Tweedle-Dumb moving away with her new hubby, partly because I would not have given a flying fuck about who was left behind or what they were feeling - I would have been long gone. And I want her to do the same because Miss Tweedle-Dee and I will be OK back here because we know that despite how hard it will be, our friendship will be OK.
As much as it makes me feel absolutely devastated and heartbroken to think of my life here in England without her, I need to remember that it is not all bad. I will miss Mrs Tweedle-Dumb however I know the fun that we will all have trying to successfully achieve a (three-way) Skype session or FaceTime . Think of all the fun Miss Tweedle- Dumb and I will have sending parcels to remind Mrs Tweedle-Dumb of home including goodies such as tea and HobNobs. And to think of the absolute excitement in receiving a parcel all the way from Mrs Tweedle-Dumb and her all American home, filled with exotic candy and chocolate, not to mention all of the goods that are way too expensive in the UK! Reasonably price UGGs and other designer goods? Yes please! I'm having palpitations just thinking about all of the spooky decorations and goods she could send me from the home of Halloween! Atop of that the incredible holibobs and excuses to fly out to be reunited. All of this I need to keep in mind when I think about how sad I will be when she has left. I am sure that I will be Alright as long as I carry a parachute when I brave to walk along the edge ...
'Til next time, Love A.Lou xx
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